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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP Left tonight.

125 replies

LonelyNight · 06/03/2012 21:55

I have name changed because he knows my username.
He said he needed space and wanted to go for a couple of days and I told him if he went that would be it. After all, if I want space I can't just go away for a few days can I?

I feel so sad right now and am currently downing what's left of the booze in the house, DS is at his GM's.

OP posts:
MonsterBookOfTysons · 06/03/2012 22:55

Well I am only 26, so yes I think he is being abit immature. He wanted a baby but wants to do nothing that goes with looking after said baby.
Sounds like you did the right thing to me.

mojitomania · 06/03/2012 22:57

Blimey hisgentletouch why are you being so silly?

Original poster
LonelyNight · 06/03/2012 22:58

Monster I think I was willing to put up with it all though even though I shouldn't have to. :(

OP posts:
hisgentletouch · 06/03/2012 22:59

my spelling is dreadful right now as I've had some sleep-inducing painkillers and not concentrating, and typing too fast - I can spell, OP.

mojitomania · 06/03/2012 23:01

OP you haven't done anything wrong. In fact you've shown maturity beyond your years on here. You are 100 percent right. He does need to man up now.

hisgentletouch · 06/03/2012 23:01

OP, well if you do love (now you mentioned it for the first time) then I'm sorry. He does sound extremely immature. Give him space and tell not to come back until he starts showering daily Grin

MonsterBookOfTysons · 06/03/2012 23:02

Lonely no you shouldn't have to put up with it.
:(

mojitomania · 06/03/2012 23:02

hisgentletouch. Maybe it's time to do some zzzzzzz's

hisgentletouch · 06/03/2012 23:04

But tbh you shouldn't have let him fall into these habits, never a good idea to tolerate these things as they then make you explode into rage. He thinks if you tolerate, then you are fine with it, and then gets a shock to the system! surely refusing sex if he doesn't wash should work!

hisgentletouch · 06/03/2012 23:05

mojito Grin I knew you'd say that!

Original poster
LonelyNight · 06/03/2012 23:06

hisgentletouch He can't spell, well he can but doesn't bother to. Would love some of those painkillers!

Thanks Mojito. :)

Monster I shouldn't but I would just so he would be here. :( That is utterly pathetic isn't it?

OP posts:
mojitomania · 06/03/2012 23:07

you shouldn't have let him fall into these habits

You are really getting on my nerves now hisgentletouch. OP just stay strong look after your gorgeous new bundle and tell your partner to man up.

Original poster
LonelyNight · 06/03/2012 23:08

hisgentle He's not too bothered about sex tbh! I mean, he enjoys it but can very happily do without. I try not to completely tolerate it though, I do nag at times then he comes up with the excuse that it's me nagging him stopping him from doing it. Hmm

OP posts:
hisgentletouch · 06/03/2012 23:09

Lonely - ah, relief! HE is the bad speller..
Have Nurofen Clod &Flu - they aer SO relaxing (have an ingredient that causes slight euphoria, Pseudoephedrine!)

MonsterBookOfTysons · 06/03/2012 23:10

No it is not pathetic, it's normal!
No relationship is perfect and each individual makes mistakes. So we tend to ignore what our dp/h do for a long time!
I suppose they ignore what we do that is annoying, but personally I am perfect Wink

hisgentletouch · 06/03/2012 23:11

mojito, it's not your thread, and it's OP's attitude to my advice that's relevant, and she's fine. I actually gave a valid advice re tolerance leading to resentment.

hisgentletouch · 06/03/2012 23:13

OP, if he's not bothered about sex as well, he might be a bit depressed really (he's 25!). I think he'd really benefit from exercise for many reasons (possibly he's not feeling great about being overweight) - maybe make that a condition?

MonsterBookOfTysons · 06/03/2012 23:15

I agree with encouraging exercise, it will cheer him up abit, as he seems unwilling to go on meds.

mojitomania · 06/03/2012 23:16

I don't want to leave you OP the way you are feeling I'm getting very cross with
hisgentletouch another poster and fear this thread will start to become derailed.

hisgentletouch · 06/03/2012 23:17

They do say that men respond to distance, not words (nagging including), so let's hope it will work, wait for him to ask what he needs to do for you to have him back!

Original poster
LonelyNight · 06/03/2012 23:18

hisgentletouch I have Tramadol and strong prescribed codeine. I win. Wink Painkillers don't work on me I'm insensitive because of a medical condition, it's a bummer. :(

He really doesn't bother too much about sex, he does when we start but he's just not a very erm sexy (wrong word!) sexual person. He prefers cuddles and kisses that last far too long.

Monster I'd like to think I'm perfect too. :o God, think I'm a little drunk...

OP posts:
hisgentletouch · 06/03/2012 23:21

mojito I'm not cross with anyone, so why not just stop being cross and let me be - we all have a right to advise OP, and it's her attitude that counts.
Monster just agreed with exercise idea, so what's there to be cross about.

hisgentletouch · 06/03/2012 23:24

OP, hmm yet you say sex is great when it happens? again exercise would get him more interested. Is he unconfident about his looks?
That's terrible re painkillers, now I can see your need for wine.

TheSecondComing · 06/03/2012 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fadinglikeaflower · 06/03/2012 23:26

"We've had a fair few arguments recently but I thought we were okay and just having a rough patch. Arguments are mostly because he's a lazy shit and has let me do mostly everything while he stays on his computer and doesn't look for a job (lost his to someone willing to work for less)."

Saying (very gently) that he seems to have a lot on his own plate - no job, no means of supporting the one's he loves, perhaps no support or understanding from yourself. Just that it seems strange that he's back home, apparently blinking back the tears posting up songs that remind him of you. Perhaps he loves you and can't understand why you don't seem to be able to show compassion and empathy for his plight..

How about dropping the anger and bewilderment and reaching out to him, might just be what's needed.