I want to tell my toxic, insane, dysfunctional extraordinaire family I am sick of them

[springydaffs]

There you go: I want to let it all out once and for all. I want to list their m-a-n-y insane behaviours and wipe the floor with them. I want to call them names and generally shame them to their boots. I want to be rude and disgraceful.

I don't want to be decent or behave with dignity. I want to snort derision at them.

Which would be completely out of character

Death threats!....I meant threatening to kill themselves...basically they will make a big noise that is just piss and wind. Remember that when you see them around. Are you likely to bump into them?

yes I had been getting the sneaking feeling that this campaign was going to step up big time. How do they know I've backed off? They just seem to know in their loins that their fix has absented.

I can't help laughing at the pendemonium that is ensuing chez springy (or chez springy's family). Not spitefully, it's just funny, slapstick, to think of them running around like Mrs Bennett. I'm laughing with relief too - no longer me who is tortured. I hope I'm not crowing - I don't think so.

Ally, my mum very recently did the 'dying' thing. She apparently stopped eating, drinking. It looked like curtains. The family went absolutely ape at me, did their snarling thing. It was, of course because of me. How dull they are.

I don't 'talk' to them, re don't answer comms, don't enter into discussion. two reasons for that: I have been speechless most of my life, as every word that comes (or came) out of my mouth was/is so viciously rounded on; plus what they do/how they behave just has your jaw hanging, speechless. The other reason I don't talk to them is because it is pissing in the wind (pointless) and only comes back on me.

The peace I'm feeling at present is immense - sort of thick. I'm actually getting a glimpse of what being myself may be like. I'm ashamed to say I've never really known - oh dear, that's fucking sad isn't it.

hotDAMN - I remember that day when I realised it isn't me who is mad!! It's up there with knowing where you were when Diana died/the towers came down. A big moment.

triple bill. Just had a thought - would it be a good idea to keep them sweet as in not make a big deal of this, not make any big pronouncements? No point disturbing the beast - I could do without the fallout tbh.

I did this for the past 3 years or so - BUT I was seeing them. Which destroyed me, frankly. Now I won't be seeing them.

I could somehow be strategic about all this?

How ironic. We call mil Mrs Bennett surely there cannot be 2 such people in the world...maybe they were separated at birth?

That's quite impressive doing a 'hunger strike'. Clearly she couldn't keep it up. Never mind.

Keeping quiet could be good, it only seems to add fuel to the fire if you tell them what is wrong about your relationship with them. They have to go into great detail and insane announcements to justify their behaviour...perhaps just going quiet could be a good option?

I remember realising that I was the sane one in the mad house...

Springydaffs - You started an amazing thread, well done for getting some of your rage out and written here. And just to let you know my spirits have been lifted because of you and this thread!

I have been scapegoated by my PILs and my DH is largely unsympathetic. They all believe I am the cause of the recent family fallout/destruction. The PIL repeatedly and irrationally tried to blackmail and bully me. THEY WERE TRYING JUSTIFY COVERING UP CHILD ABUSE. Apparently, I am now disowned (hurrah!). Like - very at the moment.

Springdaffs - I don't know how you have coped but I'm so glad you are still here.

Mumsnetters - How do you cope?!

I just wondered what Mumsnetter's had to offer in terms of coping mechanisms. Because realistically, DH has a large family and there are lots of them. They are not all bad and previous to this attempted coverup, we were on good terms. However, IMO, I know I am 'marked'. I sit with uttter disbelief how such people can be SO irrational and downright dangerous.

I intend to keep a very wide berth and re-enter the family dynamics with low expectations. I will no longer bother with birthday cards/ christmas presents/ and I will be extremely selective on what family events I attend (to keep my DH happy). I can't be bothered to participate in this charade of happy families when clearly I am not and they will need to earn back my respect and participation.

How I would like to look at it is, what benefit will I gain going by going to see DH's family vs the pain/rage/resentment I'm going to receive after. If the latter outweighs the benefit then sorry, I just cannot do this to myself. I have respect for myself. So everyone, repeat after me:

I have respect for myself

I've never been afraid to verbalise to DH's family their disrespect i.e., WHAT they are doing to me + WHY. . And there have been occasions where I have simply walked out. As you can see, I'm not popular for disrupting the status quo but I've been down that road, and I only see dead ends.

I can understand there are many families that just don't or won't see your point of view and so I am doing a lot more research in exploring how they have got to where they are and become.

I meant to say prev., as you can see, I'm not popular for disrupting the status quo but I've been down that road (of keeping the status quo), and I only see dead ends.

I do not want to hijack this thread at all but in case you wanted to know about the child abuse coverup, take a read here:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/ethical_dilemmas/1482995-Do-I-tell

Coping strategy?
Quite often, family/people will twist events and retell it different to how it happened - making you out the baddy. In the above post, I kept the thread alive and my sanity intact by writing down the conversations and events actually happening. I even wrote down carbon copies of text messages, word for word. So I will look back and remember how I and others have behaved.

So it might help if you did the same - if you can bear it, Mumsnet will be here and so will I to support you. Then you know you're not the insane one.

yes, upsetting the status quo, that seems to be my role in life my family (it follows you around, rather )

I am in great confusion about what is/has been going on. It all feels like a deluge that has snowed me under. I have withdrawn entirely from my family and wish I had done that years ago - it has been very damaging for my kids, and us as a family, to be part of the soup that demonises their mother. I don't know what you'd do about it though if your DH isn't onside? I don't have a DH to consider and it isn't 'DH's' family but my own that are the toxic, mad, insane brood.

Springy, just wanted to say you are wonderful. Truly.

Thank you Jux! I could do with that