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Relationships

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Original poster

Foreplay or oral sex....is it important?

95 replies

Emmielu · 04/03/2012 17:01

I think foreplay is important in a couples sex life. Its that intimacy before having sex & like a huge tease. I've always loved foreplay. But for some reason my boyfriend doesnt. I dont know if its a hygiene thing or hes just not that sort of person. I've brought up the subject of oral sex & hes been fine about me giving him oral sex but not really wanted me to. Once i mention him doing oral sex on me he admits he'd like to but cant. Is it that hes never done it before? Has he been told hes awful at it? Is he unsure if i'll like it? I'll be honest, our sex life is for me boring. He loves our sex life but it is literally either me on top or him on top. Even spicing things up like bringing new positions in doesnt do enough for me to say "WOW!" He doesnt think Lube should be used for anything other than women who struggle to be turned on but even then he doesnt think its useful, i've dressed up once for him & he liked that alot. Sex toys are a no. He has told me his previous relationships have been boring, so would i be wrong in bringing new things into the bedroom? If not, how do i go about it? I feel ashamed & slightly slutty knowing how much is out there & how to use it.

OP posts:

Al0uise · 04/03/2012 20:02

What gives him the right to dictate what goes on in the bedroom?

LunarRose · 04/03/2012 20:03

What give her the right either?

compromise

AyeRobot · 04/03/2012 20:06

Sorry, Luna - I thought that from your "if foreplay is important to you" comment that you were saying it's optional.

I agree with you, btw. I still think he's a selfish lover with some hang-ups thrown in for good measure. I et he thinks that using lube is a comment on his abilities, little though theby are.

Al0uise · 04/03/2012 20:07

Mutual agreement and desire. Not compromise, I can't think of anything worse than compromise in the bedroom.

LunarRose · 04/03/2012 20:14

Mutual agreement isn't however telling your partner he needs to go down on you more and indulge in sex toys if that's not his thing

So do you compromise or move on?

ElusiveCamel · 04/03/2012 20:15

LunarRose but you've left out quite a lot in your turned-tables paraphrasing that had a woman posted, I hope she'd get pulled up on. I don't think it'd be a matter of 'Leave the bastard' but I'd think a woman posting the same should probably look to find a similar partner too. And it's boyfriend which is a bit different to DP - hence the ease at which people are suggesting she ditch him.

Al0uise · 04/03/2012 20:23

If he doesn't want to go down then I don't think he fancies her that much or cares about her enjoyment. When you're properly in lust there isn't much most people draw the line at.

LunarRose · 04/03/2012 20:27

Elusive Camel - I quite agree.

But what I was objecting to was the OP bringing things into the bedroom that her partner has indicated he is unhappy with. Particularly as none of the things (not shockingly not even foreplay) are actually essential to satisfying sex for all people.

Or to people suggesting that the OP partner is unreasonable for having said he wasn't comfortable things.

Sex isn't I've done this so you have to do that.

Al0uise · 04/03/2012 20:28

Anecdote so feel free to ignore. A friend married her boyfriend after years of very vanilla sex, no him on her oral, very little foreplay and just never any real sexual fireworks. She drunkenly confessed a couple of weeks ago that she is convinced he's gay. They're good friends and co parent well but sex is no longer on the agenda at all.

LunarRose · 04/03/2012 20:29

Really, Alouise. I can think of a lot I'd join the line at regardless how much I fancy someone, for all sorts of reasons.

Ask me outside the bedroom I might explain, in the bedroom I would expect a no to be sufficient for a partner to move on.

LunarRose · 04/03/2012 20:32

And I was married to a man who enjoyed non vanilla sex and am with a man with whom I have a extremely satisfying vanilla sex life.

Guess which one values/respects me the most.

Not the same for everyone, but sex toys can sometimes just be a plaster for lack of intimacy/ bad sex

LunarRose · 04/03/2012 20:35

Hence me saying that all this is appears to be about sexual incompatability, not a shitty partner

Al0uise · 04/03/2012 20:36

The problem here though is he isn't interested in her enjoyment.

Heyyyho · 04/03/2012 20:39

Foreplay is a weird term - it's all sex isn't it?

LunarRose · 04/03/2012 20:40

is it? or is it just that he doesn't get turned on by the same things she does and has had the audacity to tell her what he doesn't like?

Al0uise · 04/03/2012 20:42

It sounds as if he gets turned on by her doing him rather than him doing her.

To be blunt.

BeriBlue · 04/03/2012 20:49

"Foreplay is a weird term - it's all sex isn't it?"
Agree
It's used to describe all sex that isn't the holy penis-in-something sex, because all other acts are just the foreplay to the main event apparantly
But this bloke doesn't even bother with that, does he?

LunarRose · 04/03/2012 20:50

most man are turned on by a woman doing them, but I think by definition he has to be doing her at the same time for it to even be possible

saintmerryweather · 04/03/2012 20:52

If he's not interested in the things she is suggesting then its up to him to find things he is willing to do that she will enjoy / will make her orgasm. Not just lie back and take what she's willing to give then ignore the fact that old fashioned or not, its not the 50's anymore and she is entitled to good sex as much as he is.

I broke up with my selfish boyfriend cause it got too much in the end and he was unwilling to change

Al0uise · 04/03/2012 20:56

I'm inclined to press the "leave the bastard" button.

AnyFucker · 04/03/2012 21:27

if someone I was with wasn't interested in my orgasm, and only in his own he would be history

lube/vibrator ?

it's hardly fucking dungeons and chains is it ?

AyeRobot · 04/03/2012 21:30

Gotta protect the Male Ego, AF. That's our job.

BasilRathbone · 04/03/2012 21:39

Did the sexual revolution actually ever happen?

I mean, I know it happened for men, but did it happen for women?

Because the more I read on MN, the more I think it didn't.

I'd bin him. He doesn't have sex with you, he uses you as a wank sock.

AnyFucker · 04/03/2012 21:41

Aye then I resign

with bells on

BeriBlue · 04/03/2012 21:52

After reading through many topics in this forum, I'm getting the inpression that not any sort of revolution has happened for women. Look at all the men who still thinks women should be like their servants at home...and all the women who believe they aren't worth better.

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