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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

this is complicated..feelings for my best friend

82 replies

DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 18:11

My best friend and i kissed last night, its not the first time it has happened. We were drinking, he also said he thinks we are soul mates and telling me i looked pretty and stuff. When sober he also calls me gorgeous and brings up times we have kissed and how he's had 'dreams' about me.
i have had a small crush on him for years but no real feelings, just thinking he's good looking and enjoying his company. But now i think after last night its sparked feelings for him and i don't know what to do. We make eachother laugh so much and get on really well, my mum and friends think we are perfect for eachother and can't understand why we're not together.
He is such a good friend and has helped and supported me throughout my pregnancy and after the birth of my daughter, he is so angry at the father for refusing to see my daughter and is fantastic with her and loves her to bits despite 'not usually liking babies'
Im just so confused and on the one hand im thinking i don't want to risk our friendship by telling him how i feel and making things awkward if he doesn't feel the same way but on the other hand im thinking will i regret it forever if i don't tell him.
Any advice ladies?

OP posts:

troisgarcons · 03/03/2012 18:12

Ask him.

Say "you kissed me last night, again, what did it mean to you?"

Better to love and lose than never to love at all.

Original poster

DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 18:14

Forgot to add that i have no body confidence at all and if i were to tell him i think id be too embarrassed to have sex with him as if he's had dreams about me he obviously has it in his head that i have a nice body and im worried he would be disappointed

OP posts:

Original poster

DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 18:16

We have spoken since last night and told me im 'in his head'
I would just be so upset if our frienship was ruined

OP posts:

JustOneMoreQuestion · 03/03/2012 18:20

Looks to me like he's giving you all the signals (Not usually liking babies; soul mates; pretty etc...) and you're burying your head in the sand!

Sounds like you both feel the same way and are perfect for each other.

You need to go for it and stop putting yourself down, he obviously finds you attractive.

Good luck! :)

callmemrs · 03/03/2012 18:21

Only you can decide. But I guess there must be a reason why you haven't got together before, and indeed have had relationships with other people. Maybe you really are better off as best friends and might lose some of that spark if you were to try to turn it into a different relationship.

How would you feel if you had a fling and then he ended it? Would you feel able to remain friends? IMO a really good friendship is worth a lot so I would tread carefully, especially as you have a child to consider.

NowThenWreck · 03/03/2012 18:22

Er..I don't think you are friends.
He is making very clear and obvious romantic/sexual overtures toward you, and if this has always been the case, then I would say you have never been friends really.
So, no, I don't think there is a danger of ruining the friendship.

Original poster

DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 18:36

I don't think we could go back to being friends if he ended it after a fling, and it is a possibility that that could happen as we are young and he might not want a propper relationship just yet. It has always been like this since we have been friends, we used to hate eachother at school lol

OP posts:

callmemrs · 03/03/2012 18:43

Tbh if it's always been like this, a bit of flirtatious Kissing after a few drinks, and then back to the normal everyday friendship, I would hazard a guess that it's a good friendship with flirty bits rather than a relationship scenario. It sounds as though he's a really good mate who is supportive of you being a single mum, and I wouldnt risk losing that. If you could cope with a fling, but then face the fact he may not want serious involvement, then no harm. But if you would be really upset if a few weeks down the line he ended it and saw other women, then may be safest to remain with the status quo. I still think there must be a reason why you haven't got together before, and that's probably because deep down you know it's friendship not romance. Also, it's great that he's good with your child, but being a good male friend from a bit of a distance is a lot different to possibly seriously thinking of taking on 'father' responsibilities

Callisto · 03/03/2012 18:44

He so obviously adores you, plus he adores your daughter. Please try and ignore your worries about your body (I'm sure you are a complete fox, you just don't realise it) and take the kissing a bit further the next time it starts.

squeakytoy · 03/03/2012 18:49

I would say he is dropping the biggest hints he possibly could that he wants a proper relationship with you but is waiting for you to show signs that you want the same thing.. so tell him how you feel!!!

Sausagedog27 · 03/03/2012 18:52

Op, you come across as very scared in terms of taking the next step and almost as if you are trying to talk yourself out of it. Yes there might be the risk if it doesn't work out but your friendship is already altered now by you kissing and from the sounds of it he already does have romantic feelings for you- if you don't get together and there is a spark it is likely that if one of you got a different partner jealousy will be there affecting your friendship anyway (and by the way age is not a reason, I got with my now husband at a young age!) but what if it's the best thing ever and he is your happy ever after? If he has stuck by you throughout your pregnancy etc it shows someone who is very dedicated to you and your baby. Give it a chance, don't regret this in a few years time with what if! It's a big step but I think you should go for it, all the signs are there!

Sorry about grammar I'm in a rush, hope this makes sense!

ILoveDinosaurs · 03/03/2012 19:04

DontWorryBeHappy1994 I remember you saying on another thread you were 17. So I doubt you have ANYTHING to worry about with your body.

Also, when a guy kisses you and says all those things, and is taking the fact you have a child seriously - he wants a relationship. He's pretty clearly already his cards on the table with a kiss.

I hate to put it like this, but given what you've said, yes you are friends but it seems he's looking for more - and thats probably why he gives you the amount of attention he does. Ask yourself honestly, with that in mind, if you think the friendship will last long term if you now reject him or someone else comes into the picture?

I think after a kiss, you'd find it hard to maintain the friendship as it is now. It does change things. If you really like him, I honestly reckon you should just go for it.

I don't think you have anything to loose actually under the circumstances.

Good Luck!

desperatenotstupid · 03/03/2012 19:09

Best friends? But hated each other at school? Sooo, not that much best friends then Bloody hell woman, will you just enjoy this for what it is [grin[ and you never know, he might be your soul mate - if he isn't well then it wont matter. If you are really friends and you take it to the next stage it will be really good and probably work, if you take it to the next level and it doesnt work - he wasnt really your friend xx

Original poster

DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 19:13

I am scared about taking it to the next level incase its awkward because we have been friends for so long and if he just wants a fling not a relationship. Ive never been jealous before about past relationships he has had but now i think i would be. When we kissed last night it was like we were the only 2 people in the world for that moment (sorry about the cheesiness lol!) But last time we kissed i didn't feel like that, i was just so shocked and ended up laughing hysterically which really hurt his pride i think.

OP posts:

ajandjjmum · 03/03/2012 19:15

Talk to him. Tell him you're not about to risk a friendship you value for a quick fling. See if that's how he sees it.

You then decide together whether to give a relationship a go and take the risk of it not working, or stay friends with 'limited benefits'!!

Original poster

DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 19:22

Thanks for all the advice ladies! Im still in 2 minds though, im just so scared of the prospect of telling him i have butterflies just thinking about it!
As for my body, i may be 17 but I've got huge saggy boobs, strech marks everywhere, a big bum and jelly belly and a huge bikini line that just cannot be tamed lol! (Sorry if tmi) it really gets me down because i dont feel like i have the body of a 17 year old and i think because my body looks ok-ish with clothes on he thinks it will look ok-ish without them but that's really not the case!

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ILoveDinosaurs · 03/03/2012 19:23

If it hurt his pride, and he's tried again I would say a quick fling wouldn't be the thing on his mind.

You weren't awkward last night were you?

It almost sounds like you are putting up deliberate barriers to protect yourself, which I'm guessing is because you've had a hard time with a guy who doesn't want to be a proper father. Its understandable.

But I do have to say that sometimes you can be too cautious and sometimes you need to just take the plunge...

Original poster

DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 19:27

Ajandjjmum i think that could perhaps work and maybe we could stay friends if we decided not to go for it, but the prospect if bringing it up really is terrifying!
I also could never tell him to his face, i think i would have to text him but i don't know what to put

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LeBOF · 03/03/2012 19:31

Just stay friends and concentrate in you and your baby if you ate only seventeen. That is too young for a serious relationship.

Original poster

DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 19:31

Ilovedinosaurs, no it wasn't awkward last night, we both just went for it and kissed a few times without any awkward 'what did we just do?!' Silence, we just carried on talking as normal. I am scared of being hurt but is it a risk im willing to take for the chance of being happy? Im just so confused, feel like my head is going to explode!

OP posts:

LeBOF · 03/03/2012 19:34

Excuse my typos- I'm on my phone.

Original poster

DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 19:37

LeBOF i think you are wrong in saying im too young for a serious relationship. If i am old enough to have a baby i think im old enough for a relationship.
But i understand that we are both young and he might not want to settle down yet, but he has had serious relationships before and isn't the type that goes out on the pull every weekend, he tends to keep him self to him self and doesn't go out that much which is also what im like.

OP posts:

LeBOF · 03/03/2012 19:40

You are too young to have a baby too, in my opinion, but thats by the by. If you get into a relationship with him, you'll have another baby within two years, I guarantee it.

What are you doing about your education, your plans, your dreams for the future?

ajandjjmum · 03/03/2012 19:45

DON'T TEXT - TALK!!! Sorry to shout - I know you will feel a little awkward, but texts don't necessarily come across as you intend them to.

ILoveDinosaurs · 03/03/2012 19:49

What ajandjjmum said ^

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