Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

this is complicated..feelings for my best friend

82 replies

DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 18:11

My best friend and i kissed last night, its not the first time it has happened. We were drinking, he also said he thinks we are soul mates and telling me i looked pretty and stuff. When sober he also calls me gorgeous and brings up times we have kissed and how he's had 'dreams' about me.
i have had a small crush on him for years but no real feelings, just thinking he's good looking and enjoying his company. But now i think after last night its sparked feelings for him and i don't know what to do. We make eachother laugh so much and get on really well, my mum and friends think we are perfect for eachother and can't understand why we're not together.
He is such a good friend and has helped and supported me throughout my pregnancy and after the birth of my daughter, he is so angry at the father for refusing to see my daughter and is fantastic with her and loves her to bits despite 'not usually liking babies'
Im just so confused and on the one hand im thinking i don't want to risk our friendship by telling him how i feel and making things awkward if he doesn't feel the same way but on the other hand im thinking will i regret it forever if i don't tell him.
Any advice ladies?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 03/03/2012 19:51

I agree that 17 is too young to have a child but that is also my opinion. I do agree you could have a relationship, but I don't think it will last forever maybe a few years with an other child thrown in.

Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 19:53

Haha oh i see you're one of those judgey types! No i will not have another baby within two years i guarantee it, i am having no more for at least ten years.
I am going back to college in april and my daughter has a place at the college nursery so i can go see her whenever i want and ask continue breast feeding her. I have another year and a half in this course then will take a year to better ny gcse's (i got C's because i didn't revise but want A's) i will then take a year to go back to work full time instead of part time to save some more money and then would like to take my travelling before starting school and then go back to work and do an open university course and then get a propper job instead of waitressing which is what i do now although on maternity leave at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 19:55

and continue breast feeding is what that should say.

OP posts:
Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 19:57

and would like to take my daughter travelling is what that should say

OP posts:
Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 19:59

Ajandjjmum i think you're probably right but i think it will have to be after a drink or 2 for some dutch courage if i do tell him, i couldn't just blurt it out.

OP posts:
LeBOF · 03/03/2012 20:00

That all sounds marvellous never gonna happen. Go out with him if you want to, you are the boss of you.

MonsterBookOfTysons · 03/03/2012 20:01

I say go for it, I met and moved in with my dp at the time when I was 16

And 10 years later we are still together, very happily married and have 2 dc.
:)

Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 20:09

LeBOF why will it never happen? I am a level headed, mature 17 year old. I am not a stereotypical teenage mother, i have my head screwed on and am a very determined individual. Don't see the need to be nasty really? Do you have nothing better to do than try and put me down over the internet? Slightly pathetic really..

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 03/03/2012 20:10

Then have a drink or two - but talk face to face. It'll make things easier in the long run - I promise! Good for you to keep hold of your ambitions!

And you don't have to say 'I adore you and want to spend the rest of my life with you', you can go for a more gentle, step by step approach.

Good luck Smile

Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 20:11

MonsterBookOfTysons, that is lovely and proves that being young doesn't mean you can't have a successful long term relationship. Sorry your mum kick ed you out though, that must have been hard for you

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 03/03/2012 20:11

If i am old enough to have a baby i think im old enough for a relationship.

Not necessarily to be honest. It doesnt take a relationship to have a baby, it just takes sex and you can end a relationship if it is too much to cope with... a baby has to be coped with!

My worry now that you say you are 17 would be how much of an involvement this lad would have with your daughter. Many young men (assuming he is the same age as you) would be wary of getting involved with someone who has a child, as it is a huge committment to be in a relationship where a young baby is involved. He may find he wants to start going out with his mates more once he is 18, and you will be more tied down.

But you sound mature and sensible and you have plans. Make sure you do your best to stick to your plans if you can, and make sure he will be supportive of those plans if you are going to have a more serious relationship with him.

scentednappyhag · 03/03/2012 20:12

OP, the body confidence thing- I've never been naked with anyone and noticed the bits that aren't so great. I'm always top wrapped up in the amazing bits Grin you'll find most people are the same; huge saggy boobs to you will probably be gorgeous soft breasts to him.
Also, yes, seventeen is on the young end of the scale for settling down and having babies etc, but it's still on the scale Smile people make it work all the time, you could be one of them. He's giving you hefty hints, and you deserve to be happy.
Make sure you come back and tell is what happened, good luck!

MonsterBookOfTysons · 03/03/2012 20:15

Thank you Don'tWorry it was difficult but we are very close now :)

scentednappyhag · 03/03/2012 20:15

Oh hell, sorry about typos, iPhone was trying to 'help'!

Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 20:17

Ajandjjmum, i think im gonna do it! Im so scared though but it won't be for a week or two so i can use that time to figure out what to say. When you say step by step what do you mean? I would never just come out and say something like that lol, far to awkward! But i don't want to not say enough so he doesn't get the jist of what im saying. Sorry, i don't think that makes any sense! I'm very tired and my brain wont work properly lol

OP posts:
ILoveDinosaurs · 03/03/2012 20:19

Its desparately unfair to say "It will never happen". We don't know the girl. I'm sure there are a bunch of MNetters who could come on and say - "that was me and I DID make it work for me".

Don't put her down and suggest she won't as thats not helping and is making it more likely that she won't get where she wants to be as she NEEDS support not patronising comments.

DontWorryBeHappy1994, FWIW from what I've seen you post, you do have a mixture of naivety and maturity. I don't think its a bad thing. You are still 17 afterall and you should still be your age even when you can, even though you have a huge responsibility on your shoulders. I know people who started serious relationships at 14 and its lasted. I know people who had them at 30+ and it hasn't. You just don't KNOW.

Just make sure you know what your priorities REALLY are and stick to them! Don't get distracted by boys (which frankly can happen to women in their 20s and 30s just as much as teenagers, but people seem to forget conveniently)

LeBOF · 03/03/2012 20:20

I'm not putting you down- I'm trying to encourage you to start making some realistic sensible decisions. The fact you are reading it as putting you down does not seem especially mature to me- it sounds like a perfectly typical teenager. Your plans sound admirable- but you have to have a strategy to achieve them; the travelling in particular with a baby sounds inordinately challenging. How are you hoping to fund this?

I hope that you do everything you set out to achieve. If I were your mother, I would not be encouraging you into a serious relationship at your age with a baby. I would be very concerned that it would put many of your plans on hold indefinitely, and that it would put you at considerable risk of further scuppering yourself with another pregnancy.

Posting your personal life on the Internet to ask advice from strangers doesn't always mean that you will like the responses you get, but I don't think I'd be doing you any favours if I just told you what you wanted to hear. So you can listen to this well-meant advice, or you can tell me to shove it up my arse: it makes no difference to me. But I will still hold the opinion that you should be focussing on yourself and your baby at your age, and not a serious relationship.

Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 20:32

Squeekytoy he is 19 and not very interested in going out, he prefers just to chill out at home or at his friends houses and only goes out occasionaly. I understand what you are saying about him getting involved with a relationship where a baby is involved but he adores my daughter and i wouldn't expect him to be a father figure it anything like that, just for him to continue to be the way he is with her.
Scentednappyhag (LOL at your nickname btw!) Maybe you are right, he does seem to love my boobs haha, but that is when they are pushed up in a bra not bare and hanging to my knees (ok, slight exaggeration!) If i do go for it i think maybe I'll keep my bra on for the first few times..
And i will come back and let you know what happens but it will be in a week or 2 after we have a few drinks again. I think im going to just take the plunge and tell him. Oh and don't worry about the typos, my phone does the same thing, thing corrected from thong lol!

OP posts:
ILoveDinosaurs · 03/03/2012 20:34

Take your time! Its a marathon not a sprint!

Lueji · 03/03/2012 20:39

For what is worth he does seem to be in it for the long term.
But talk to him properly.

hisgentletouch · 03/03/2012 20:49

OP, did it cross your mind that if he was looking for a serious relationship, he would have started The Talk? why is it up to you neccessarily? men making hints usually points at some kind of uncertainty at what they want from you - if he was sure, he'd raise the subject IMO. I think he fancies you a lot, but anything deeper has to be proved by him. Men who are very young often mistake a strong attraction with being soulmates (well obviously if there is some rapport), I just think the dange at this age, especially for men, that they can change a lot by the time they are 25, especially in their goals and knowing what they want. I can the sense in LeBof's advice even though it's a bit on a negative side. I would leve it to him tbh, and then still think long and hard. The baby may grow to see him as father figure if he's ther for a few of years, it's still a risk, isn't it. He'd have to really convince you that he's a keeper.

Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 20:49

Well the fact you said 'never gonna happen' in such a sarcastic way IS unfair and IS putting me down. Not that i will listen as i know i will achieve these things. My baby will not be a baby by the time i go, IF i choose to go. I didn't say it was a definite thing. I have a few grand saved already and will be going back to work to save more and am also getting some compensation for an injury i recieved from a gas canister that wasn't chained up at my previous work place.
I am not expecting people to post what i want to hear (i don't know what i wanted to hear anyway, hence why i posted)
Why do you think i will get pregnant again? You don't know me, you are just assuming that's what i will do perhaps because that's what teenage mothers you know have done. I don't want another baby for at least ten years,
1 - because i have enough on my plate with one child
2 - i had an extremely traumatic birth experience and we both nearly died. I have no desire to go through that again any time soon.

Ilovedinosaurs, my prioritys are my daughterand my education and i would never let a boy ruin that for me (not that he would anyway) i understand what you are saying though

OP posts:
NowThenWreck · 03/03/2012 20:51

Well, I think your plans sound great, and I really hope you manage to pull them off. If you are sensible, and have family support, there is no reason why they shouldn't.
And I know how lonely it can be being a single parent-doesn't matter if you are 17 or 27, so you are absolutely deserving of love and a relationship if that's what you want.
FWIW, my one of my Ex boyfriend had parents who met when they were 15 and 17. Still together 45 years and 4 kids later.

NowThenWreck · 03/03/2012 20:52

Oh, and I should say, this couple had their first child when she was 17.

Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 21:00

Hisgentletouch, it hadn't crossed my mind actually that he would start 'the talk' but the time he kissed me before i did laugh in his face coz i was so shocked, which could have maybe put him off a bit as he seemed very hurt after. I think you are right that he would need to prove to me that he is a keeper. I think i will give him a hint and see if he initiates 'the talk'

OP posts: