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Original poster

this is complicated..feelings for my best friend

82 replies

DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 18:11

My best friend and i kissed last night, its not the first time it has happened. We were drinking, he also said he thinks we are soul mates and telling me i looked pretty and stuff. When sober he also calls me gorgeous and brings up times we have kissed and how he's had 'dreams' about me.
i have had a small crush on him for years but no real feelings, just thinking he's good looking and enjoying his company. But now i think after last night its sparked feelings for him and i don't know what to do. We make eachother laugh so much and get on really well, my mum and friends think we are perfect for eachother and can't understand why we're not together.
He is such a good friend and has helped and supported me throughout my pregnancy and after the birth of my daughter, he is so angry at the father for refusing to see my daughter and is fantastic with her and loves her to bits despite 'not usually liking babies'
Im just so confused and on the one hand im thinking i don't want to risk our friendship by telling him how i feel and making things awkward if he doesn't feel the same way but on the other hand im thinking will i regret it forever if i don't tell him.
Any advice ladies?

OP posts:
hisgentletouch · 03/03/2012 21:04

yes, that's much better IMO, to just give him a hint (you didn't laugh last time you've kissed, that was already a hint anyway) and then see what he comes up with. Not sure how to word it best..maybe less is more.

Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 21:06

NowThenWreck, thankyou,i really believe i can pull my plans off. I have an amazing supportive family who will encourage me every step of the way.
What a lovely story, my grandparents met when she was 14 and he was 17 and married and had their first child when she was 18 and were together for over 50 years until the day he sadly passed away.

OP posts:
Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 21:08

Also, can anyone tell me what IMO means? I am new to foruming lol

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 03/03/2012 21:10

ok so for the leBOF side of me i need you to reassure that you're totally sorted on contraception and have something you are using yourself plus will get him to use condoms if you get together.

i do also share her worry about you getting distracted at this stage - going to be really important to be able to focus on your studies whilst caring for your baby - i had my son in the second year of a course i was doing and trying to get essays done and the like was pretty hard going. also what does he do? boys who don't do a lot and are happy just chilling out round mates houses can quickly become part of the furniture and you're going to need time for your child, time for your studies and time to yourself so if you do start seeing each other try to keep some boundaries and time limits despite the whole lovey dovey wanna be with them all the time rush.

i'm a single mum and have mostly stayed away from men in my son's 5 year lifetime because i wanted stability for him. that means me being stable rather than on hormonal roller coaster rides with men and not potentially destabilising him by letting him get attached to people who he may not even know a year later. if you're going to go ahead just think carefully about boundaries and keeping you and your dd as the central unit that comes first.

sorry if i too sound like a nagging mum but it is well intentioned honest.

just also be aware that a young single mum can be a bit of a convenient girlfriend in that she's always in and glad of the company and such you know? keep those boundaries and keep your eyes open to the fact that it may not last and you can't rely on him too much or it will be hard to adjust afterwards to being in alone so much. do you live with your mum or on your own?

swallowedAfly · 03/03/2012 21:11

in my opinon

swallowedAfly · 03/03/2012 21:11

or even opinion Confused

hisgentletouch · 03/03/2012 21:11

imo=in my opinion, tbh - to be honest

swallowedAfly · 03/03/2012 21:13

ime - in my experience

iyswim - if you see what i mean

swallowedAfly · 03/03/2012 21:14

and well done btw - you sound happy and positive and like you are doing well. how old is your dd?

hisgentletouch · 03/03/2012 21:15

potentially destabilising him by letting him get attached to people who he may not even know a year later
that would be my biggest concern too!

something2say · 03/03/2012 21:16

Yes I think a happy summer is ahead with a lovely new boyfriend!

Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 21:23

SwallowedAfly, i have my 6 week check up on Thursday and will be discussing contraception then, i am thinking of getting a coil fitted and whold also get him to wear a condom.
I wouldnt get distracted and i would set boundaries with him, i see him twice a week at the moment (sometimes more, sometimes less) and would continue that if we were to get together.
I understand what you are saying about children getting attached to someone who may be there one day but not the next but that goes for friendships aswell as relationships and if we were to stay just friends we could one day fall out and stop talking anyway.
I will keep in mind that it may not last and i am very self reliant anyway so i wouldn't rely on him too much. I know i will be putting myself out there to be potentially be hurt by him but i think it may be a risk im willing to take.
I live with my mum at the moment but am getting a flat sometime this year .

OP posts:
Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 21:26

She is 6 weeks old.
And thanks for explaining the abbreviations

Something2Say - i like your thinking!

OP posts:
SuperSlattern · 03/03/2012 21:38

I think he is head over heels for you, and you both sound so sweet.

I hope you both make it work.

ImperialBlether · 03/03/2012 21:39

I'm the mother of a 20 year old boy young man, so I hope I can say something here.

You know boys mature later than girls, don't you? And you know at that age they are driven by their hormones?

I don't think you shouldn't have a relationship - that would be really unfair to you, your friend and your child, but I do think you have to be realistic. Very few relationships which start so young continue for a long time. He has a lot of growing up to do - I know you do too, but I'm sure being pregnant and then having your baby changed you a lot.

If you are going to have a relationship, better to have one with your best friend, but please take care not to get your child hurt in this. In your situation, I wouldn't live with someone unless it was going to lead to a permanent relationship.

I hope you do achieve your ambitions of studying and travelling. It's much better to study whilst your child is young, rather than work. I hope you go on to get a degree so that you can support your child on your own.

Best of luck - get a coil or an implant, plan your future and have a lovely time with this best friend.

swallowedAfly · 03/03/2012 21:43

6 weeks! blimey. i think you need to slow down and let your body and hormones and emotions get back to somewhere near normal and focus on your very young baby then.

i'm now thinking your mum is a bit mad for encouraging you to get into a relationship now.

ImperialBlether · 03/03/2012 21:52

SwallowedAFly is right. Six weeks is very early on. Do you live with your mum? Does she care for your child, too?

Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 22:04

Yes i live with my mum and she has her in her room once a week at night to let me get some propper sleep, she also has a cuddle with her when i have a shower or when im eating if she's not asleep. And she babysat for me last night aswell so she does help me out but i do the majority of the looking after. Maybe six weeks is a bit soon, but ido feel normal again despite my traumatic experience.
And she is not encourageing me at the moment i meant in the past she gas asked why we are not together. I haven't told her about this yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 22:05

has that should say

OP posts:
mrswrite · 03/03/2012 22:06

You sound like a lovely girl and he sounds great too, def think he likes you, I would be wary of your child getting attached but none of us know the future. You sound very motivated regarding your future which is great, dont rule out uni, they have great facilities for parents and accommodation. He sounds like he adores you and as long as you go into it with your eyes open and your eyes on your child then you stand a good chance, be happy Wink

Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 22:16

Thanks mrswrite, i will look into uni then i didn't realise they were good with parents. I will try not to worry and be happy Wink

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 03/03/2012 22:38

Oh they're brilliant with parents! You will have a self contained flat in a block with other parents. Your lectures will be about 8 hours per week (depending on your subject - science students have more or less 9-5) and if your child is sick, there's no problem with missing lessons - though assignments/essays have to be in on time.

It's a fantastic way for a young parent to become independent.

mrswrite · 03/03/2012 22:49

I agree! I have 4 don't live on campus but the support is great, follow your dreams!Smile

Original poster
DontWorryBeHappy1994 · 03/03/2012 22:49

Wow that sounds really really good! I think i will actually go to uni then instead of an open course

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 03/03/2012 23:02

One thing, OP, which might motivate you, is the fact that if a mother goes to university, there's a massive chance that her child will also go to university. Mothers going to university affect the chances of the children far more than the education of the fathers.

What would you like to do in the future?