Am so pissed off with being expected to do EVERYTHING!

[ashamednamechanger]

To cut a long story short, I have spent all day;
Getting the DCs up, getting their breakfast, getting them dressed, finally getting myself dressed, taking them to school (after making 3 packed lunches), coming home, cleaning up, hoovering, washing pots, laundry, changing the beds, food shopping, sorting out the dustbins and overflowing recycling boxes ready for tommorrows collection, clearing the catshit off front and back gardens, repairing the trampoline, washing the car, hoovering the car out, printing off a shedload of paperwork, preparing and cooking dinner, collecting kids from school, taking them to afterschool activities, taking them home, cooking tea, washing pots (again0, bathing kids, making them drinks and snacks, sorting out their clothes for tommorrow.
In the same day DH has done NOTHING apart from twat about on his iphone, watched tv, and I even returned from hanging out the washing at one point today to find him playing Darts (WTF). He is currently lying on the sofa as usual whilst expecting me to stop the kids racing up and down the stairs. But why should I, it's always left to me!
Yesterday he actually stepped over a half eaten sarnie that the youngest had dropped on the floor. When I asked him why he hadn't picked it up instead, he said he would....later WHAT?????

I am being treated like the proverbial hired help aren't I? Which wouldn't be so bad if I was getting paid for it, but he is soooooooooo tight.
I don't even know why I posted this as no advice is going to help is it?
Think I just need to rant as I feel so bloody angry.

I have no idea. I really do not know what steps to take next. I know what I'd like to do....take the twat for every penny he has. But then I would be falling into his trap. He has always drummed into me that "women are all gold diggers and will steal all your money given half the chance".
I refuse to give him the satisfaction of being proven right.

Er...why?

You wouldn't be bleeding him dry, OP - csa, mediation, court if needs be, would make sure everything was fair, if that's what he's worried about.

mediation? mmm, that will be fun. Seriously, he has this chip on his shoulder from his 1st marriage. She left him, took the DCs and most of the household furniture. He reported her to the police and accused her of breaking in, when really, all she did was take the DCs beds, a fridge and a washing machine for their clothes. She never tried to get any money out him, but he still managed to bad mouth her.
I am definitely prepared to work all hours if it means I can break all contact with him.

Fiolondon, he does have money, but he has a really good accountant!

Now, I wonder why his first wife did that, eh? Could it be that he kept her unreasonably short of money and freedom? The cow!

Seriously, he's been very smart to set that up as the big evil wife-model which you have to prove yourself to be different from. I'm guessing that's one of the things that has helped keep you in line till now. Well, here's a thought: it is him who is stealing from and cheating you, and your DCs, by controlling all the money and refusing to contribute his fair share to the household in terms of housework, parenting and general effort.

If he doesn't see it that way, perhaps it's best for someone impartial like a court to decide.

On the really good accountant front - before you take a decisive step, try to gather up as much paperwork as you can proving his income, what accounts he has and so on (standard advice on here but crucial for you). Secret those somewhere away from the house before you make your move. Post them to a friend's if you have to.

Women's Aid, love. This man is abusive. He hates women. There is no hope at all for 'working on the marriage' because he thinks you are something between domestic appliance and domestic animal, not a person at all. The good news is you don't have to live with this. You can either leave him, or have the family home forcibly sold and half the proceeds awarded to you. If he has ever been violent, or becomes so, you can get him forcibly removed from the family home and stay there with the DCs.

Give no quarter and no mercy. This man is your enemy because he has been content to treat you as a slave, he considers you a slave because you are not the one with the penis and there's no shifting that mindset.

No, you will be "falling into his trap" if you don't get him to pay to support his children.

So his first wife left him and took the DCs. Perhaps she went through what you are now going through. It seems quite likely. Are you in contact with her?

Has he been paying to support his children from his first marriage? You say you act as secretary to him- you should photocopy the paperwork so you can prove his income in the event of a split and arguments over maintenance.

You know that bit in the Shawshank Redemption where Tim Robbins keeps copies of all the fraudulent bosses' financial records and then sends them to the police at the end.................??????

presumably as CS you have access to invoices, bank statements etc etc. Does he get paid in cash a lot? I'm sure the IR would be interested to hear about that, were he not interested in paying CS.

Firstly hands up to you x how do u do all that I'm in a similar boat myself my husband sits playing in the Xbox day in day out and dislikes doing housework and if once in a blue moon he does do something he does it wrong and I end up doing it again x

You want to leave. So now you have to put in place the measures you need to get to that point. Like others said, photocopy ALL your DHs paperwork, business and personal. Check what bills etc are in joint and single names. Go to the CAB about money and housing advice (or shelter). Make a solicitor appointment. Since it sounds like you are describing financial and emotional abuse, contact women's aid.

Is there a RL friend/family who could store documents/an emergency escape bag if needed?

Time to sort yourself out and get away from this sexist waste of oxygen.

Oh, and next time a man complains about all women being , don't try to prove that you are the exception.

All these years you've been living with him knowing he didn't support his children and you bought his bullshit that it was his ex's fault?

Time to sort yourself out and get away from this sexist waste of oxygen.

Oh, and next time a man complains about all women being , don't try to prove that you are the exception.

All these years you've been living with him knowing he didn't support his children and you bought his bullshit that it was his ex's fault?

OP please listen to all this advice and take steps to prepare yourself just in case you decide to leave. Gather all the financial information, get in touch with womens aid, have an initial consultation with a solicitor. All these things will help you feel in control of your own destiny rather than being washed along at the mercy of this entitled child man.

You will feel strong and capable (which of course you are) and if/when you separate, you will be all prepared and ready. You don't need to try and take all his possessions, just what you and the children are rightfully entitled to and the courts will decide that for you x

Oh my Lord! I am getting more at the situation this waste of save is putting the OP in. I take back everything I said earlier about working this out.

OP please are the advice all these lovely ladies (and men?) are giving you. Especially with regards to arming yourself with information about fiances.

I really think you should contact womens aid and get out. You deserve much more than this wank sock is giving you. I am still in that you are having to feed your family from tax credits while he squirrels money away.

Are = take.

Are you scared of him?

I could tell you had already been down every avenue of reason.

You would be "playing into his hands" if you stay with this horrible man

Slagging you off on FB. Trying to cut off your own sources of support by implying you are the crazy one.

Dealbreaker

To add to all the other dealbreakers

You would be a mug to share your life with a fuckwit like this for one day longer.

Is there somewhere you can go?

I'd pack up some stuff and i'd be off. Go and stay with family for a couple of weeks and do some thinking. It doesn't sound like you get anything out of this realtionship at all. Not only does he treat you with no respect but then he goes on FB like a teenager.