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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice please re BIL

1 reply

Dnomaid · 01/03/2012 11:01

A rather complicated situation, but essentially my parents and sister/ bil and their children all live together but separately. I do not know my BIL well at all.
Went to visit them as they live in another country, this incident was at the end of the week.
We were going out for lunch for a celebration, D niece came downstairs to my parents bit of the house and realised she had forgotten something. She took 2 steps back upstairs and BIL ( her step father) shouted at her to shut up and basically told her not to go back upstairs. I needed the item she was going back upstairs for and so said I'd go and ask for it.
When I got upstairs I first of all looked for my sister as she was most likely to know where it was. She was in the bathroom, so made my way into the lounge and was greeted my a tirade of shouting along the lines of the fact that their son (2) was asleep and that by coming upstairs I ( and my niece) were going to wake him up. He was really angry ( and very loud). I told him that he was now making more noise than me and that I had only come to ask for something. He continued shouting and so I told him that he was being rude and that I found it unacceptable that he was talking (!) to me in that way. I then left.
We left for lunch (I was very upset) he did not come but my sister did - she didn't talk to me. After lunch my DH and I left to come home (ie back to England) and since then my sister hasn't spoken to me nor has her H and my parents don't seem to be talking to me either. What should I do?
I feel that I am being punished, but that I did nothing wrong. I feel that even if I had been shouting and stamping upstairs (which i certainly didnt) he had no right to talk to me in such a rude manner.
I'd appreciate any thoughts/ advice please - feeling very low.

OP posts:
lottiegb · 01/03/2012 11:18

I think you need to talk to your sister, tell her what happened (in your own words) and that you feel upset by this. Ask why her husband was so upset, as a real question not an accusation, there may be a real but unrelated reason. Give her an opening to say that she wasn't happy about it either - if that's the case. The alternative is she supports him and he behaves like this often, in which case you'll need to be firm and say you found the behaviour unreasonable and unacceptably rude and, if that's how she is going to allow you to be treated in her home, you're not very comfortable visiting.

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