family - just a rant

[bluddyfamilyargh]

regular have name changed.

bit of background - we live abroad from family about 1000m away, visit 3-4 times a year. parents visit us every other year or so, siblings have visited once when we just moved many years ago...

my mother is quite overbearing and controlling and hard work to be around.

planning our easter holiday and told them today that because of work/school we can only come for easter + a few extra days, not the whole week.
now they are pissed off because my nieces chistening is planned for the sunday after easter and all siblings will be there (incl sis who lives 1000m the othet direction).
so I had my mother shouting to me over the phone, all siblings calling harrassing me to 'rethink' (nothing to rethink, just not possible).

thinking of not going at all...

Perhaps send them all a text

"We are very disappointed that we are not able to be in the UK on x and attend Christening - do you not think we would change the plans if we could?"

we might do that. good idea.
it just annoys me no end that she's trying to manipulate me like this. really hurts me.
other hurtful thing she said that I am killing dc (has a fever today and was therefore only in undies today when we skyped).

can't do anything right in her eyes...

If they can't accept, their problem. Don't be dragged into their melodrama. Enjoy life! Let them on their merry, mad way. Only you can say what to do now in terms of going or not, but note to yourself for the future ...

Get down on your knees... and give thanks that you live 1000m away!

Sounds like your mother is probably getting at you over everything because she would rather you lived 1000 metres up the road - no excuse for making you feel bad about everything but try not to take it personally - I speak from advice after some and not that I would necessarily be so sensible in my own life

she might want to reflect maybe on why you choose to live so far away

I wouldn't be able to live 1000 meters away. way too close.
we can't be in one place for more than 3 days without shouting the place down.

she's been dissaproving since long before I moved away.

replied yesterday to one of the many text message, a bit like the suggestion from random.
phone didn't stop ringing after that. had to put the phone down on sis and mother as they got really rude.
"are we not important?" "you are always the odd one" "you are such a bad mother for doing ....."
aaarrrrrgh

You live 1000 miles away but visit them 3/4 times a year? This is a lot. Most people living that far away see their family every 18 months at most.

Maybe you need to think about your family dynamic, and consider how much you want to see her.

I wouldn't bother going home for Easter or anyother time. Don't waste your family holiday on them. You will never be able to do anything right.

Even If you manage to change your holiday they will find something else that you are doing wrong.

"So you want us to leave our jobs then so we are destitute and lose our home just to attend a Christening..."

They are being mental!

When she screams at you next time, just hold the phone about a metre away from your ear, just keep checking every now and then to see if she is still screaming at you and only put it back to your ear when she has stopped!! It works a treat - do it all the time if someone is ranting on the phone as you don't have to listen to it, give it a whirl.

Do you actually enjoy spending time with these people? Because they sound awful! I would be tempted to spend Easter someplace else and tell them all exactly where they can stick their toxic ranting! Dont you ever feel like telling your mother, 'SHUT UP YOU TOXIC OLD BAG!'? Can i do it for you? Your main concern now should be yourself, DH and DC - please yourselves. Good luck to you x

Actually - tell them you can't come as you have to attend a Bad Mother Workshop.