It's a letter to my mum. Not sure if I should send it or not. Dh hates stuff like this so I know he won't help me. Sorry about hanging my washing out in public and all that, but I could do with a little advice y'all! Many thanks!
(just to recap, she came to visit with niece and friend, I saw her h touching them both inappropriately, I told her to have a word)
Dear Mum
I'm writing this because I feel that I'm in a bit of a limbo-land. You see I have all these feelings built up inside me and whenever you call to make small talk, they are not getting any better. There are so many things that I want to say to you. I feel hurt and betrayed by you. Yes, this is still about what happened with M (her husband). I still cannot get my head round the fact that you told K (my niece) at the airport about what I'd said to you, and you told her to tell her dad before I did. I was trying to be so discreet! You know I would not have told S (my brother and dad of niece), I'm not like that, I have never been like that. Generally what is said to me, stays with me. I have never before given you cause to think that I might seek out my own gratification from a bad situation. That you put K in that awful position is beyond my comprehension, why did you do that? Why not just have a word with M as I suggested?
Then when K did tell her dad, as you had instructed her to do, you then make a disgusting phone call to me screaming, may God forgive me for what I have done! What had I done at that point mum? The deed had been yours. You accused me of telling S, something you knew to be untrue. Was it because I had said something against M? Did you feel that I was making it up just to get at him? Did you feel the need to punish me for saying anything at all? You caused another argument between yourself, your husband and your son, not to mention me. Was it worth it? I am still being blamed for that. For this reason I feel very betrayed by you and very wronged. I cannot believe that you would put your own feelings before those of your grand-daughter, your husband, your son and your daughter.
So far you seem happy to make small talk to me, presuming no doubt that this will have been swept under the carpet. But you see I'm having a little difficulty in letting this go, difficulty in understanding your reasons why. I can forgive because you are my mum, but I can't forget I'm afraid.
I also feel angry about P (my brother who has special needs). I think that you don't want him to ever leave home, even though it is in his best interests. One day you will not be able to care for him and then he will be devastated, he will be unable to care for himself because he was never given the chance and so he will end up in a home. 2 weeks in a shared house is not long enough for you to decide if it is best for him or not. And if you knew all along that it was not right for him, then why did you go through with it? To raise his hopes in that way, to cause that other family lots of inconvenience when he moved out, to waste the time and the resources of the social services, why did you do that? So you could tell people that you tried with him? Because it would not be good if you were not seen to be doing something. Yet the something you did do failed because you wanted it to. As will anything else that you arrange for him.
I have no doubts that you will tell the family about this letter, even though this is against my wishes. This matter is between yourself and me and I do not like getting other people involved. I do not want to feed the family's need for gossip myself. But once again, if you do choose to relate this letter to other people, then I have kept a copy so that I am sure I am not being mis-quoted.
I sincerely hope that you are able to find some peace within yourself and that the family can once again become close and friendly