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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dp has just made such an offensive statement....

177 replies

inbetweener · 23/02/2012 10:54

I am so angry.

We were having a conversation about an article in the paper about babies and all of a sudden he pipes up with " well I think a DNA test should be offered as standard as soon as your baby is born " Wtf !!!!!

I asked him why and he said that it would stop a lot of men being fooled and forced to bring up another man's child !

I have just flown into a rage and we have had a massive row. He seems not to see how fucking offensive that is. I can't get through to him that that suggests there is no trust !! He said, yeah but it eliminates doubt !!!!!
What !!!
Am I wrong to be so offended ? And wondering where my dh is and who this Dick is in his place !!

OP posts:
TubbyDuffs · 23/02/2012 10:56

If my DH asked for a DNA test for our 3 children I would let him get them, but it would be the end of our marriage.

TubbyDuffs · 23/02/2012 10:56

Oops and by that I mean the trust issue not the fact that they would come back as not his children!!!!

Original poster
inbetweener · 23/02/2012 10:59

Yes that's sort of what I implied !! I said if you feel the need to DNA test our three go right ahead, I know what the results will be, then you can leave !! He thinks I'm being ridiculous and that if there isn't a "situation" women and me shouldn't be bothered !!!

OP posts:
mojitomania · 23/02/2012 11:03

Not sure I'd be sooo angry at a typical stupid bloke remark for it to start a major row?

Smum99 · 23/02/2012 11:07

Are you sure he is taking about his personal situation or generally - the reason I say that is that there were statistics a while back that said a high % of men were bringing up DCs that weren't biologically theirs..I know that my DH felt very shocked by numbers and it certainly felt that DNAs test should be made available but he wasn't referring to our situation - he just had empathy for men who might in that situation.

Original poster
inbetweener · 23/02/2012 11:08

I'm angry because he has hinted at this sort of shit before. If you've got something to say then say it in my opinion !!

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 23/02/2012 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saladcreamwitheverything · 23/02/2012 11:09

Doesn't sound like he was directing it at you, just commenting that it would be a good idea that one was offered, nothing to have a major row over surely Confused

If this was done though JK would be struggling for program content Smile Maybe that would be a good thing??

Original poster
inbetweener · 23/02/2012 11:10

Honestly ?

OP posts:
jenrose29 · 23/02/2012 11:12

I agree with your partner I'm afraid. Maybe less women would cheat if they knew they could be found out at the birth. Then less men, but more importantly kids, would be deceived and that can only be a good thing.

pregnantpause · 23/02/2012 11:12

I would have had a row over that! He is bassically saying that a man should not have any commitment to their partner or child throughout pregnancy in case the child is not his. so should he not be preparing for the child? should she be wholly responsible until such fraternal 'proof' is provided?
If there is no 'situation'? why should there be a 'situation'? so if a man says thats not mine, he should be given benefit of doubt, and have nhs money spent to ensure he can be sure and continue with his child investment safely?!
why should the woman not be trusted?! if you dont trust her then perhaps you should take some ressponsibility for having had unprotected sex with her. and as that was HIS CHOICE it is then his responsibilty to arrange and pay for dna tests if the mother/children are consenting,

Trills · 23/02/2012 11:13

It's a bit like suggesting every couple should have STD tests before they first have unprotected sex.

It's not an offensive thing to say generally, but if you say it at a person they get all upset and say "are you saying I've slept around?"

pregnantpause · 23/02/2012 11:19

that was the study that revealed that some men in america were bringing up other mens babies. 1 million of them. there are around 70.1 million fathers in america. not a high percewntage AT ALL. and those figures were contested as it included men who were KNOWINGLY doing so a their partners were rape victims, or other personal circumstances. It did not question any circumstances or how many men knew that the were doing so. it only revealed that the birth cirtificate Father and childs dna did not match from health records. nothing more.

Original poster
inbetweener · 23/02/2012 11:19

But I can't help feeling he IS directing it at me that's why I get so angry.
Our dd2 was concieved when dd1 was around 9 months. We had sex about twice in that time yet I fell pg. It wasn't planned. Because we were barely having sex I had got lapse with my pill and viola she was conceived. Because dd1 was planned and it took 6 months dh has always said he finds it strange I fell with dd2. Plus she looked nothing like her sister when born. He used to say Crap like she looks like a friend of his !!
I have confronted him outright and asked him but he says i am being stupid and he is " just saying "
It makes mě so angry if he thinks that of me but is afraid to admit it.

OP posts:
pregnantpause · 23/02/2012 11:19

*percentage

Trills · 23/02/2012 11:22

Well that's different then, isn't it?

There's a big difference between someone seeing something on the news and mooting a point and someone who has previously expressed doubt at your DDs parentage bringing it up in a specific directed manner.

RoloTamasi · 23/02/2012 11:22

I think it's a pretty good idea.

On numerous occasions I've heard it said that around 10% of kids aren't biologically related to the dad they think they are. This would go a long way to eliminating that deception - and as jenrose29 said - perhaps this would lead to less of the infidelity in the first place

It's only offensive if you take it as something personally directed at you.

Trills · 23/02/2012 11:22

"just saying" is like "no offense". It means "I am saying something offensive but I want you to pretend that I'm not".

Original poster
inbetweener · 23/02/2012 11:23

Im tempted to order three DNA teats from the internet and do them just to shove in his face. But what does that say about our relationship ??

OP posts:
Original poster
inbetweener · 23/02/2012 11:24

Sighs...sorry ive annoyed with the drip feeding.....

OP posts:
Trills · 23/02/2012 11:26

It's not so much that you have annoyed as that you won't get the right answers if you don't give all the info.

You won't know what people think or if they agree with you and you won't get good advice because they are answering the wrong thing.

badtasteflump · 23/02/2012 11:27

I'm with you OP that it's a disgusting thing for him to say (if he is aiming the comment at you). And to answer your last post, it says that there's no trust there, I'm afraid....

Is your relationship usually this hostile? Sad

Blx2thelotofem · 23/02/2012 11:28

He might have a point. According to a 2006 study, 1 in 25 men the UK are bringing up children they mistakenly believe are theirs.

mrsruffallo · 23/02/2012 11:28

It's more common than you think. Why would this remark enrage you so???

duckdodgers · 23/02/2012 11:29

Why dont you just simply ask him if he wants a DNA test on your daughters?