This is such a silly way to decide whether I am doing the right thing in considering leaving my husband but this has all been going round and round in my head for months and I need to get some perspective. So I've drawn up a list of the reasons I want to leave, and the reasons I want to stay, and I would really appreciate it if someone could comment on it- whether item 1 is petty, item 4 is a dealbreaker IYO, 3 needs a bit more explaining- dh can be a bit controlling and I really doubt my own judgement. So here goes the first three, will probably have to do them bit by bit as they come to me (have been floating in my head but articulating them is harder!)
Reasons I want to leave:
1/ He controls all the finances. I have repeatedly begged asked to have all our income pooled into one big pot that all our expenditure comes out of but he refuses. So if eg I need new work shoes or dc need something then he will pay but I have to ask him for the money and often if the item is an unusual purchase he will decide which one to get himslef as he doesn't trust me to make the best decision. I often have no diposable income after I have paid my half of the bills (he earns a lot more than me)
2/ I don't think I can make good decisions anymore as I'm always worried about getting things wrong, and I used to be quite self assured and independent so I know I've changed (not sure of this is down to him though!)
3/ If I do "get things wrong" he sulks but claims not to be doing so when challenged so I am the one who ends up looking like I'm wierd for thinking it
4/ I don't feel supported by him, just belittled. I have given up all hobbies etc I used to have and many friendships have fallen by the wayside too because he makes things difficult for me to maintain them. Eg laughs and pokes fun at my interests or expects unusually high standards of achievement in them when I am not doing it to competition level, just for my own personal enjoyment. Make it difficult to see friends by being a bit stroppy about having to do bedtime for both dc's (dc2 only settles well for me) or me having time away from the family.
5/ I feel taken advantage of wrt housework, he refuses to allow a cleaner into our home (he would need to pay for it as I have so little cash, so he makes decision)
6/ I am uncomfortable with his reliance on porn, and whilst in the past have gone along with this and joined in watching etc and got some enjoyment out of it I do not like the fact that he is not wanting to be intimate with me but just is imaginging f*ing a nameless woman as per the porn he watches.
7/ I DO NOT WANT MY CHILDREN TO GROW UP THINKING THIS IS HOW MEN SHOULD TREAT WOMEN
And that is just off the top of my head. More to come. Would really appreciate your comments to help me see if I am being reasonable in my reasons. If that makes sense!