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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not speaking to me *again*

53 replies

Geordieminx · 18/02/2012 10:15

Went out last night for friends birthday. Had intended getting last train home @ 12, but kinda didn't.

Text Dh at 12,30 to say we had missed train but not to worry. No response.

Got home (after a fab night Blush) about 3.30

He's not speaking to me. At all.

I have apologised but inside I'm screaming "so fucking what I went out"

I feel about 15.

Sorry tis a bit of a meh post. Hungover and feeling sorry for myself.

OP posts:
tralalala · 18/02/2012 10:21

I would be fucked off tbh, esp if you're hungover and now on mn!

undercoverPrincess · 18/02/2012 10:23

Unless he had a reason based on previous behavior to mistrust you I don't see why you shouldn't stay out as late as you want....

minceorotherwise · 18/02/2012 10:26

What difference does it make to him? You were on a night out. BTW I am impressed with your stamina

genevacalling · 18/02/2012 10:28

You say 'again' - he's stopped speaking to you before? For the same 'reason' or is it just how he deals with being pissed off?

roguepixie · 18/02/2012 10:29

Did you expect a different reaction? What had your arrangements been for your night out? Your DH was probably worried, tbh.

FWIW, I would be relieved that you were home safely but be fairly fucked off that you hadn't got the last train, that you had texted more as a 'fait acompli' at 12.30 to tell me you hadn't got the last train and were now looking for everything to be 'ok' because you were feeling hungover and sorry for yourself.

kodachrome · 18/02/2012 10:29

Oh giving you the silent treatment is such a twatty thing to do.

It sounds like you let him know why you were later than expected, so what's his beef? You've apologised as well. I don't think he has grounds to be shitty with you.

CrystalsAreCool · 18/02/2012 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

genevacalling · 18/02/2012 10:32

From experience, 'if I'm having a good time I'll stay out past last train and come home in a cab' goes down better than 'I'll get the last train' then a call after last train has gone. Comes across a bit more considerate. Shouldn't be necessary but...

Original poster
Geordieminx · 18/02/2012 10:33

He stops speaking for the slightest thing these days. Makes me feel like a child.

No reason not to trust me, normally home on time.

He doesnt go out with friends so kinda resents me I think.

I did get up at 9 and apologise but he told me to leave him alone.

(((( I am secretly impressed with stamina also considering we were in town at 6Blush) jaeger bombs have a lot to answer for Blush

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 18/02/2012 10:35

He sounds like a tit.

I wouldn't acknowledge his sulks, let him stew in it. You didn't do anything wrong.

Posts like this make me so happy I am no longer married or committed to someone. Ex used to start the sulks in the days leading up to the night out so that was always fun, used to cancel more often than not.

minceorotherwise · 18/02/2012 10:36

Have a large bacon buttie and leave him to sulk for a bit

genevacalling · 18/02/2012 10:36

Just get on with your day and ignore the ignoring. Be super active (take DCs out or something), so he can't use your hangover against you. Offer to do it alone so he gets some time to himself.

If he thinks the fact he doesn't go out means you should only go out on his terms you have a problem though.

Did the kids wake up/is it otherwise tricky to be the solo parent when the other is out?

midwife99 · 18/02/2012 10:38

Good for you Geordie! Perhaps you should say - until you apologise for refusing to have a sexual relationship with me I'm not speaking to you either! Wink I am also impressed - go girl!!!!

RightUpMyRue · 18/02/2012 10:40

He sounds like a bit of nob. I'd go back to bed and leave him to it. Nob.

Original poster
Geordieminx · 18/02/2012 10:43

He has taken ds to the park. I thought about going too but standing in silence in the cold with a hangover was too much to contemplate.

No problems looking after ds (5) if other is out, so it's not like he will have been up half the night or anything.

Bacon sounds good...

OP posts:
JasperJohns · 18/02/2012 10:46

Giving the silent treatment is so tedious and immature.

My bil does this to my sister - I don't know how she puts up with it.

perceptionreality · 18/02/2012 10:48

He's being unreasonable - you texted him to tell him what was happening so he's got no right to sulk. He knew where you were, you came home just a little later than planned. So what?

kodachrome · 18/02/2012 10:51

It's a way of trying to control you - make such a fuss about you being late/going out that it doesn't seem worth it to you to go next time.

Don't let him do that to you.

I would talk cheerfully and normally to him as though he wasn't indulging in his stupid game-playing.

Original poster
Geordieminx · 18/02/2012 10:51

I text him twice during the night, didn't get a response to either. Sad

OP posts:
genevacalling · 18/02/2012 10:53

In his head, he has the moral high ground. He's standing there in the park thinking GeordieMinx is rubbish, I'm doing the weekend alone again, she's hangover and useless, poor me poor DS.

He sounds like a childish miseryguts. If it was me, I'd lavish attention on DS and maybe make biscuits with him - your H is hanging his hat on being hard done by.

midwife99 · 18/02/2012 10:53

Hug

Original poster
Geordieminx · 18/02/2012 10:57

Gonna haul my arse out of bed soon get showered, tidy up, go and pick up car from train station and get some baking stuff to do with ds later. Although knowing him the way I do he'll probably stay out all day with ds just to prove a point. Hmm

OP posts:
ButWhyIsTheGinGone · 18/02/2012 11:26

The silent treatment is a pathetic kind of "punishment." And as others have said, it's about control. He has no right to be pissed off at you - it's not like you missed the train and didn't bother to let him know.

Do you think it's that he actually doesn't trust you, or is he just jealous?

cantpooinpeace · 18/02/2012 11:26

Sounds like my husband, doesn't do it regularly but when we have our 6 monthly ding dong which is usually literally about nothing he starts to sulk and believe me my H is the king of sulking he is hardcore and can go for days/weeks. I find it so draining and fucking childish it makes me want to scream. I try the friendly chat thing but it ends in us arguing more. We've had our ding dong today so I'm in for a rough few days that gives the house a horrible atmosphere. Fucking brilliant :(

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 18/02/2012 11:28

I dunno, I think this is one of those threads where if it was the dh who had stayed out we'd all be outraged, saying how thoughtless etc. He was probably worried. And if you've been awake but still in bed all morning then presumably he's been looking after the dc while, as far as he sees it, you've been sleeping it off. I'd be pissed off too.