I'd Rather be dead than have all this stress!!

[caija]

I am currently 5+2 weeks with dc3, to
My third partner, have had 3mc's n have a dd, nearly 11 and a ds, nearly 5. My ds is disabled, since my mum and dad have found out I'm pregnant this time, they have refused to talk to me or see the kids.....it's killing me, n stressing me out soo much my tummy is In agony. My mum told me today by text that she won't be seeing the kids and doesn't know how we can move on from this, I am devastated, can't stop crying, don't know what to do. My sister and my dad are not talking to me either, n I cannot deal with it. I have been with my Partner just two
Months, everything has went fast, we gt engaged etc, and found out last week bout the Baby, the only reason everything has went so fast is because I know now I've found my soul mate....but I can't cope not talking to my family n them shutting the kids out. Please help advise me.....has anyone else been in this position. I am 31 btw! So I am not some teenager that isn't capable :(

If you have thoughts of harming yourself: Samaritans

I don't understand why having a third child would make your family turn against you and your current children. I assume they are just uncertain because of it being a new relationship. It is early days in your pregnancy though and hopefully they will come around to the idea of another beautiful baby in the family. They have nearly 9 months to get to know your new partner before the little one arrives.

How is your partner taking the news about the pregnancy?

It might be worth asking (if you don't know) why they are reacting so strangely to your good news. Certainly I would say that you are upset that they feel this way and you are disappointed that they are taking out their feelings on your dd and ds. It would be good to point out that you are finding the situation stressful and that it's not good for you or your baby.

If you don't feel like you can talk to them, maybe write a letter? Please don't let their reactions spoil how you feel about having a baby with your fiancee. Congratulations!

Oh caija,

I'm so sorry to hear that your Family are not supporting you in your life choice the way that you had expected. Is it because things have happened so fast between you and your partner and that your family disapprove of this or is it spacifically on hearing about the baby?

I have not been in this position myself but didn't want your post to be unanswered, I'm sure someone else will be along shortly who may be able to offer more help. Please try not to worry x

Hi Caija. Family relationships are complicated, and not easy to summarise in one post! I don't really understand why your family have reacted the way they have, but you're clearly feeling the loss of support from the people who you need right now, and if it's also affecting your DD and DS, then that must be horrible for you. How has your partner reacted to this situation? Is he being supportive?

Big hug for you xxx

Do your family share your views on how wonderful your new man is?

Shitty as it is, society will judge you for having three children by three different fathers.

What were the circumstances of your previous relationships, were your ex partners abusive?

5 weeks is very very early to be announcing a pregnancy, are they worried about the possibility of something happening?

Hey, ty everyone, I'm so lost and lonely, me and my partner are over the moon about the baby. I had to announce it early as I have suffered 3mc and have a disabled ds, I announced it so that, if anything goes wrong, I have support. My mum sent me a text earlier saying the reason she and my dad are so angry is 'because I cannot look after the two I have' which is complete bollocks! She is just being spiteful. My ds especially is 24/7 n everyone tells me all the time how good a mum I am to my kids, n especially in how I deal with ds. My mum and dad really like my fiancé, then when I announced I was pregnant, that was it! I don't understand, n don't know what to do. I shouldn't be judged as I have two kids to different dads and another on the way to a different dad, my first pregnancy, I had my dd when I was 20, found out when she was 2 months old my partner was cheating. I was then of own for a year, I met ds's dad, we were together seven years....Dnt know why i have to explain myself tbh. I didn't plan on having 3 kids to 3 different people, but I have had shitty partners.

It sounds like your parents are worried about you taking on too much. A child with SN is very very difficult, a newborn is very very difficult, and they're scared for you.

You're right, you shouldn't be judged for your situation but it will happen

The circumstances are only relevant if your parents can see a pattern of you choosing men who treat you badly - which, from experience, isn't usually obvious from the inside

You don't have to explain yourself about you partners. Whilst it would be nice if everyone's first relationship worked out perfectly that isn't always the case. Reasonable people would realise that (and Society can keep it's nose out!).

It is strange that they like your fiance but had such a reaction against your pregnancy. Do they know about your previous miscarriages and why their reaction might be particuarly insensitive given that you will be hoping that this pregnancy has a happier outcome?

It was horrid of her to say what she did. Is she usually this pleasant? If it is out of character then I would write a letter to her saying how disappointed you are in her reaction and that you are upset and astonished that she would punish her grandchildren for you having another, that given your previous miscarriage and your son's SN that you would appreciate their emotional support.

Until the matter has calmed down (preferribly with an apology from your family) it might be best to get a bit of a breather from your family. You have two great kids, a supportive partner and a new baby on the way - you should feel able to enjoy that. If your family are gits and want to be sour about it then you just don't need them.

Make sure you build up a support network outside your family with your partner's family and your friends so that you have support when the baby is born.

Short version: If they are reasonable then they will come around, if they don't then they probably aren't the kind of people you need around you at the moment.

Well I can sort of see why your parents are concerned.

As you say, everything has moved very fast with this new man - you must have fallen pregnant by him when you had known him a month - and on top of that they will naturally be concerned for your existing children.

I would give them a couple of weeks to calm down, and then I would try and talk to them face to face and get them onside.
As time passes and they see that your partner is committed to you and your existing children as well as the new baby, then their fears are bound to lessen.

I understand they're probably worried. But they know about my miscarriages etc, so they know right now is a horrid time for me. I don't get why they're being soo horrible. N yeh my mum has been like this before, many times. Said some horrible things that I won't forget, but the fact that she is saying about not seeing the kids, there's no need. See, her and my dad offered to take my dd after school a Monday and Tuesday to help me out n take my dd to judo on these days n bring her back at 7.30pm, they also offered to take my ds on a Tuesday n Thursday for four and a half hours after nursery, do ths is what they're saying, that they won't be doing it. My Mum's words were ' I don't even know if I wanna help you anymore' n then she told me just to arrange something for ds Gettn picked up
From
Nursery on the days she takes him because she won't be doing it. I feel so alone. My partner doesn't live with me yet, we r Gettn married next July, n he is also constant nightshift apart from a Friday, they know all this, my partner cannot understand their reaction. I'm so scared I lose this baby because of all this stress

Do you need that childcare from them to work, is there anyone else you could ask?

I think they probably are really shocked that you are pregnant so quickly with a new partner and have lashed out. Give them a few days and then make contact again.

Alibabaa they just did it to give me a break, n cos I have moved further away now ( had to get an adapted house for my ds ) the judo is near my mum and dad's house, so they started taking dd there to help me out. N they took ds to give me a break. My ds has a carer, she takes him four hours a week, so she takes him
A Tuesday at eleven, n drops him at nursery at one then my mum and dad would pick him up and keep him til half past seven, same on a Thursday.

I do understand they'll be shocked. Of course, n worried how I will cope, especially with ds, but why take it out on the kids? N what should I say when I get in touch in a few days? I am so scared that they will walk away for good like they're saying. It's my ds's birthday in 2 weeks and I pray they don't not see him

So you've known your current partner for two months and you are 5 wks pg?
I can only imagine that you already struggle to cope and are pretty irresponsible, judging by the swift and seemingly childish/infant like way you are delighted/over the moon about being pg. FFS. Seems like you lean on everyone a lot and so perhaps you should have thought about that before you got PG.

With a history of shitty partners don't you think you should be more cautious by now, I expect your parents are tearing their hair out.

Posiepumblechook, how dare you?! I am not irresponsible or child/ infant like! You know nothing about me! Or what I have been through. Don't need your negative crappy comments! I am looking for support not abuse!

How will your eleven yr old feel about a new man and baby in her house? Have you even thought about her?

Then you should understand why your parents are exasperated! Without thinking you are marrying a man you've been with for two months and having his child....you may not be 16 but you do act it.

What support are you looking for?
I completely understand your parents POV.

I said I can only imagine that you struggle to cope..... perhaps you do brilliantly. But I've never met anyone 'over the moon' who gets PG so quickly, especially who already has children.

You should reassure your parents that you can provide for these children and cope very well.

And don't name call.

Your eleven year old happy and healthy? Who asked?

You're having another baby and new husband, that's massive for a preen.

And I'm not saying you go to relationship to a relationship....I used your words to describe your relationships. But three weeks is not long enough to make such monumental decisions like marriage and babies.

You should understand where your parents are coming from. There that's my advice. TBH I thought this was a wind up.

You asked how my 11 year old feels! You name called! N just cos you personally don't know anyone that's been happy about being pregnant to someone as soon, doesn't mean it doesn't happen! I do do brilliantly with my ds and dd, I am always told how well I cope with my ds, you have no
Idea what it is like to bring up a severely disabled epileptic child!!

N I do understand why my parents are shocked, god, I'm not stupid! But, to punish the kids? That's what I cannot get over. N a wind up?! Yeh I am sure that's what you thought! N as for your statement that I lean on people too much.....I do exactly the opposite