I'd Rather be dead than have all this stress!!

[caija]

I am currently 5+2 weeks with dc3, to
My third partner, have had 3mc's n have a dd, nearly 11 and a ds, nearly 5. My ds is disabled, since my mum and dad have found out I'm pregnant this time, they have refused to talk to me or see the kids.....it's killing me, n stressing me out soo much my tummy is In agony. My mum told me today by text that she won't be seeing the kids and doesn't know how we can move on from this, I am devastated, can't stop crying, don't know what to do. My sister and my dad are not talking to me either, n I cannot deal with it. I have been with my Partner just two
Months, everything has went fast, we gt engaged etc, and found out last week bout the Baby, the only reason everything has went so fast is because I know now I've found my soul mate....but I can't cope not talking to my family n them shutting the kids out. Please help advise me.....has anyone else been in this position. I am 31 btw! So I am not some teenager that isn't capable :(

I am sure you do very very well with your children. Perhaps bringing a new man on the scene, announcing marriage and a new baby was more than your parents think you can cope with. Anyone would be concerned.

Shutting the dcs out is shitty, tell them.

Ok yeah fair enough, I get all that, of course I do, I am a very reasonable person, I just don't like the way u came on and personally attacked me... Course I understand they're worried, but to use my dc? They're angry with me, not my kids. I have been thru hell with my last relationship, also my 3 miscarriages, n my ds being diagnosed with everything he has, n having to face the fact I could lose him anytime, in the past I have nearly lost him a good few times

Caija just ignore the judgers. Judging from afar rather than helping is just negative and spiteful. Whatever your past is, this is your situation now and you deserve help and support, especially from your parents. I'd do what everyone else on here says and just give them time to calm down. Even if they don't 'approve' of what you've done, they love you and will come round.

I'm sure you are a great mum to your two kids, and I can totally understand why you are excited about your new relationship and new baby - much better to be excited instead of wallowing in worry and negativity! So give your family time and space, SHOW them that you can cope by ignoring your mum's negativity and just rising above it all.

Don't know if that makes any sense at all... I just wanted to give you a more positive, less judgy reply than you've received above!

OP I think they are perhaps worrying about the impact on them as well. They already help you out with your kids, although I'm assuming that your partner will be moving in with you asap now that you are pg so that he can help you?
So perhaps they are concerned that you will need more help with another baby on the way.

I agree it is very shitty of them to take it out on your DCs though, and you should tell them that.

Posie read the title of this thread! Do you take pleasure in kicking people when they are down, seems so! Hope you don't work for the samaritans!

Caija I'm so sorry your going through such a hard time. Maybe your moms just in shock at your news at the moment and will come round to the idea when it sinks in. After all she has played an active part in your and childrens lives so can't imagine she would just walk away from you all.

The point of my posts was to make the OP see that her parents have every right to be cross/worried.

Just read your first post posie that was cruel! I'm not here to argue or name call just think you were extremely harsh and not helpful especially to someone that's obviously at the end of here tether.

Ty everyone. N posie u were nothing but nasty, n not needed on ths thread. Obviously I know why they're worried!! The title of my thread started with ' rather be dead....' n it was fukn cruel. You do not know the stuff I have bn thru, n u couldn't even BEGIN to imagine. So don't judge me until you've walked the road I have. I just feel my mum n dad should maybe give me a break after everything n ty for all the positive posts. Just dunno what to do about my mum n dad.

Well said caija! I think they might be just shocked and will come round to the idea once they've thought about it. Everyone reacts differently as we know on this thread so maybe they just need time and are worried how you will cope but instead of being supportive they've done the opposite. They have a big role in your life and dcs so I can't imagine they would just walk away from you all.

Why ty beebee lol. She was fukn awful to me n there was no need! She honestly doesn't know what I deal with 24/7, so until she does, she can keep her judgemental mouth shut! If my partner saw ths, he'd have gone mad. It was just spiteful. I am really praying that my mum n dad come round, my sister is not talking to me either. Just dunno what to do next, am already so wound up thinking I'll miscarry :( couldn't bare that, especially after all ths :( xx

HI there
We are going to move this to relationships as that would seem to be the best place for it.
OP sorry you are going through all this and that you can get some much needed support here.
Thanks
M Towers

what was the big rush to have a baby with someone you have only known for 2 months

thats putting an awful lot of stress on to the two kids you already have, let alone anyone else

:(

Caija. I don't think stress affects miscarriage, I'm not certain though, as many women seem to give birth in wartorn countries and in times of real hardship.

Did you get thorough medical support to find the reason for 3 mcs? As I'm sure you're entitled to that following three mcs.

I think Posie made valid points. I don't think she was being 'nasty', merely honest (in her opinion).

I'm sure you are a nice person and a good mother but your parents have every reason to be concerned and expasperated as Posie said.

Also, you have been given a lot of support by them up to now, helping with the children.

Alarm bells went off for me when you spoke of current partner as 'soul mate' after just a couple of months. Are you sure?

Your responses to Posie tell me you are quite the hothead and not as mature as you would like to think - people who post in any section on here will hear different opinions and thoughts. This is a public forum and you can't attack people who say things you don't wan to hear.

The title of your thread is extremely worrying. You have 2 dc, one of whom suffers from a severe disability, but you've said you'd 'rather be dead than have all this stress'?

What stress would that be? You have allegedly found your soulmate and in the 2 months since you met him you have become engaged, got yourself pg, and are looking forward to marrying in July.

The only fly in your ointment is that your dps have expressed themselves as less than overwhelmed by the news of your pg and your dm has decided to withdraw the support she has given you/proposed to give you with regard to childcare.

It seems to me that all you need to do is make other plans to bridge any gap in your childcare arrangements and, by showing that you can manage perfectly well without their support, you will be sending a clear message to your dps that you having dc3 will not place any additional burden on them.

As your intended works nights he will no doubt be able to play his part in making sure your dc get to and from their various destinations, and this may also serve to reassure your dps that their liking for him is not misplaced.

It is to be hoped that, until such time as they can confidently look forward to the birth of their 3rd dgc, your dps will miss your dcs more than they may be missed by them and, to this end, I would suggest you don't make a big deal out of what may be merely a temporary suspension of contact.

Your life sounds hugely chaotic OP, so in that respect I totally understand your parents concern. Calling someone your soulmate, and already being engaged and pregnant after just 2 months is a massive massive sign that you lack some appropriate boundaries, to be blunt. Whereever were your dc while you've been building this relationship with your dp? It sounds to me, and again, forgive my bluntness, that you are so keen to hold onto any pregnancy that it doesn't really matter who it happens to be with. Have you recieved counselling to help deal with your losses, and also with your son's special needs? I think it would help enormously by the sounds of it. You have made a big deal of name calling here, but I can only really see you indulging in that. If that's how you respond to anyone who points out the reality of your situation, it's little wonder your parents are so concerned.

Caija
First of all Whirlwind romances are the best.

Me and DH was fast at things:
Met DH Oct 05 - Dumped ex end of oct 05
Started seeing DH in Nov 05 after being shag buddies for a couple weeks.
DHs dad kicked him out and he moved in to my mums house with me in Dec 05
Engaged in Jan 06
Pregnant in Feb 06 - i conceived dec 21st 05 - 2 mnth after meeting DH.
DS1 born Sept 06
Married Dec 06

Now we have been married 6 years in Dec and have 2 DC and are trying for Number 3.

They do work and are the best - athough my parents loved DH. (although of the years have judged and moaned about him/us but thats family)

Families are complicated, your parents will have to get used to the idea of you being pregnant. Its none of their business you have your little family.

{hugs}

It seems your parents gave you a great deal of support with your children. A third child will also impact upon their existing time and energy. Perhaps you could try and imagine what it's like to middle aged caring for 3 grandchildren. As much as they love them, it's exhausting.

And they say romance is dead, Mona

Sorry you've argued with your parents op. Try not to worry, I'm sure they will come around and help you pick up the pieces. Best of luck!

Perhaps they feel you are taking their support for granted! If I were you, look after your children without their support and when they see you can manage on your own, they will be reassured and become involved with the children again

Glad it worked out for you Mona, but it has to be said that marrying in haste and not subsequently repenting at leisure is the exception rather than the rule.

If I'd married every man I initially believed was my soulmate, I'd have more divorces under my belt that Zsa Zsa Gabor and Elizabeth Taylor combined.

Fortunately, commonsense has ensured that I have a fuck of a lot of ex-paramours and no divorces to my name.

I must admit to being curious as to why the op has reached her speedy conclusion given that her intended's working hours must have restricted the time they've spent together since they first met a mere 8 or so weeks ago.

Maybe they don't feel their reaction is taking it out on the children, more that it (not looking after your dd after school etc) affects you. I think they're taking the "right, you've made your bed, now you lie on it" tack.

Or maybe they feel that they do as much as they can to help you, and can't manage to do any more - and worry that another baby will mean you need their help more frequently?

I didnt marry in haste i married for love. And with each passing day i love my DH more and more he is my soulmate, we belong together, we have fun, laugh, joke, play about, enjoy our children. We make time for us.
We sit and talk share problems/worries etc etc

To make a relationship last you have to work at it. Marriage is hard work but only if you make it hard work.

Hope you manage to make it up with your parents OP