I think I've just become a single woman. Not sure what to do with myself.

[KnockDiddyKnockKnock]

P and I had agreed to separate this coming summer. We had an awful row last night and this morning he packed a bag and left. He took DS (10 yo) with him so I thought he was coming back. I've just phoned him and he's at his parents house. I spoke to DS and he was really happy and off up to bed. P said he will bring DS back at the weekend and has no idea where he's moving onto after that.

I don't know what to do with myself. I'm happy but God, after 15 years in this relationship, it is STRANGE to suddenly be alone.

I've had a bath, done my hair and took time to do my make-up nicely. I haven't done that in years. I feel younger and lighter, like I should be on my way out somewhere to get drunk and have celebrate with my mates.

I don't know why I'm posting. I suppose I wanted to share what's happening in my life but I don't want to talk to people who actually know me.

Put some music on - something he always hated :)

I'm doing that Bertie

Girls Aloud and Lily Allen for me tonight. [shame]

Make like a starfish in the bed

Eat digestives and drop crumbs

Just out of interest, why were you waiting for the summer to separate ?

You seem okay! Good for you!
I also find myself single (although we are still in the house together plus 2 teens). Finding time to see friends is what has kept me going since Xmas. Making plans a few weeks ahead has been great for me. I'm out tomorrow night for example.
I hope that you continue to stay positive. X

Thank you separated. Living together whilst separated is awful. Hope you enjoy your night out tomorrow.

Anyfucker, we thought it would be easier if we drifted apart gradually, plus we have a few debts to clear. It has been nightmarish though. I have barely come out of my bedroom since Christmas. Right now I am sitting on my sofa - the first time in 2 weeks. I have music on and I'm drinking a little bottle of vodka. It is nice

I'm worried about DS though. I know where he is and that he's safe but I hate him not being here. I feel happy, but redundant I suppose.

knock, that sounds great

not great, but you know, a relief

I presume that when your ex finds somewhere to live, you will have free time when he goes to stay with his dad

a whole exciting new life for you

this is the first day of a new chapter...embrace it (after taking a little time to get used to it..)

I mean when your son goes to stay with his dad

Aww thank you. I am feeling a bit giddy and excited (possibly vodka induced).

All the things I can do ... the list is endless. I feel quite good about myself. I walked down the shop on my own to buy some drinks which wouldn't have been acceptable when P was here (very controlling).

I have no money, just a bit of credit on a card, but I have some freedom for the first time in my adult life.

I think P thinks I will be phoning him tomorrow begging him to come back. I will NOT.

Good for you love

This will be the re-making of you !

I am off the vino tonight, but tomorrow I shall raise a glass of to you

That's great :)

I mean, not that it's come to this, but the fact that he sounds like a controlling arse and you are finally free of him - make the most of it and enjoy your life

When you feel up to it and if you need to of course, check out this great, free site

www.meetup.com

Make new friends and discover new interests.

I hope you are going to be alright and have RL support :) Good luck

Oh thank you, all of you. I'm in that lushy frame of mind where I want a big group hug with the girls.

I'll be mortified by this tomorrow.

He has just phoned me to talk. He didn't really have much to say and neither did I.

There is a very sexy man upstairs that I have no intention of phoning and asking if he'd like the last of my vodka. But I could, even though I don't want to and won't. I feel all powerful and free.

Tomorrow I am going to find out about money. He has left me with nothing and he knows we are behind on rent and bills. It's fine though. I will get immense satisfaction out of dealing with it on my own. I have family and friends that I know will help out if I'm desperate for cash.

I have spent so fucking long being subtly bullied and guilted into putting his needs first. When he was packing his bags this morning and crying I felt nothing but relief.

Oh you sound like me. I have spent most of my time in my bedroom since 27th Dec. I hope to meet a few people like you, locally, and have some fun! X

I'm in Surrey separated. Where abouts are you?

I'm not a hairy arsed builder or anything.

Ohhhh, I am listening to Cyndi Lauper, Girls Just Want to Have Fun. I haven't had any fun for so long.

How does a 35 year old single mum start having fun again?

I am a tiny bit drunk but aware that I am possibly being inappropriately silly but lack the self control to stop myself.

Who cares if you are silly? Keep going!
I'm in the Midlands.

How are you managing to navigate nights out Separated?

I don't think that will happen for me. I'm a bit scared anyway, but I have no idea where to go or who to go with. My friends are all partnered up and a bit judgemental about me wanting to be single again.

P has all the support and that's fine really. I would love a female friend to confide in but I don't NEED it and I think their loyalties are divided because P is friends with their husbands/partners.

I am listening to the Spice Girls now. P would have such a face on him if he were here now.

Good for you OP! This is the first day, of the rest of your life!! Enjoy and welcome fun, freedom and, well, whatever the heck you want really!

Thank you inatrance

I have just finished my vodka and need to go to bed. Bed used to be about politics but tonight it is about warmth, comfort and sleep.

Is it wrong that I wish I had a man with me? It's just the drink talking, I know that. I don't feel lonely emotionally, but physically, I would love to be held and kissed. Pathetic, but if I cannot say it on an anonymous forum whilst a bit tipsy then I will never say it. I am not horny, just really wanting affection and I haven't had any for so many years.

Kudos to you.

I walked out after ten years with nothing and I felt nothing but relief. Started from absolute scratch again for me and ds and I'm proud of what I have achieved myself and the home I have made for the two of us.

Enjoy your independence and self-worth and have fun. It's hard bloody work but worth it

It's good that you are rid of the partner but I think you need to seek legal advice fast about your DS. The fact is that this man has taken DS away without consulting you and seems to be saying that he will bring him back as and when he feels like it. You will want to make sure that (for instance) you are legally listed as the PWC and the child benefit comes to you. You will also need to make sure that you get the correct amount of maintenance paid to you. Do not trust this man, he is clearly untrustworthy.
Best of luck.

He is utterly pathetic and inadequate SGB. He couldn't look after a child, as much as he wants to convince me he can.

He has taken DS because it is a cover for what's really happening here. He's pretending this is an impromptu sleepover to DS and pretending we've had a tiff to his parents. This morning he was pretending to be devastated while he was packing - for my benefit.

I think he has spent his whole adult life pretending.

I know how it sounds - that he's taken DS - but he really isn't that dynamic or clever.

ballroomblitz - kudos back to you. Give me some tips please. I am not in a mess or desperate but I don't know how to rebuild my life. I really need some mates that understand how I feel.

I'm properly pissed now so going to stagger off to bed.

I'm with solidgoldbrass about this. Seek legal advice pronto.

Honestly OP, be careful. You say this man is 'pathetic' but he has managed to deprive you of money and control your behaviour in the past. He will try to punish you for ending the relationship and you need to be careful not to fall for any nonsense about what a poor little victim he is. Make sure you know what your legal rights are and how to enforce them so you are not blinded by bullshit. There has been an awful thread on here about a woman leaving an abusive man who seems to feel that because it was only via meeting another man that she got the strength to leave her abuser, it's acceptable for the abuser to punish her by forcing her out of the family home without the children and with no money.