I think I've just become a single woman. Not sure what to do with myself.

[KnockDiddyKnockKnock]

P and I had agreed to separate this coming summer. We had an awful row last night and this morning he packed a bag and left. He took DS (10 yo) with him so I thought he was coming back. I've just phoned him and he's at his parents house. I spoke to DS and he was really happy and off up to bed. P said he will bring DS back at the weekend and has no idea where he's moving onto after that.

I don't know what to do with myself. I'm happy but God, after 15 years in this relationship, it is STRANGE to suddenly be alone.

I've had a bath, done my hair and took time to do my make-up nicely. I haven't done that in years. I feel younger and lighter, like I should be on my way out somewhere to get drunk and have celebrate with my mates.

I don't know why I'm posting. I suppose I wanted to share what's happening in my life but I don't want to talk to people who actually know me.

GOod luck. Have XP's stuff boxed and bagged for when he next turns up. Oh, and change the locks. Today. Remember that you are in control of the situation and you do not have to let this man in the house at all.

Thanks SGB

I can't change the locks as I really can't spare the money. I have a friend with a handy husband and I will contact her tomorrow and ask for some help.

I have had a GREAT evening. Neighbours noticed that ExP's car had been gone for a few days and guessed something was up, so invited DS and I up for dinner. It was lovely. I had a couple of beers with them. I would have had to put up with days of guilt about drinking in front of DS if ExP had been there.

Tomorrow we're going into the nearest town with lovely female neighbour just to look around the shops and have McDonalds (her treat).

Off to bed now. Just wanted to say thank you to all of you for cheering me up and keeping me going for the past few days.

Sounds very positive so far, well done and long may it last. Re locks..swap front and back doors, its often all it takes in these cases.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee

missed the bit that demonstrates he's a controlling arse.........

there's always one.....

That's great that you ate now surrounding yourself with people and keeping busy. It's what I'm doing too. It makes you feel much better and, generally, if you get the chance to talk about things, they help you to unpick the situation. I feel like I am being reprogrammed!

knock seperated well done ladies I am in the same boat. Told dp it was over Monday and been in limbo since. He is still not convinced its over no matter how many times I say it.
I have felt relieved and happier since Monday, like a great weight has been lifted, even though the future is now not certain.
I am spending weekend with friends and family and love being on my own and being me!!

haf - did you. That's a shame, perhaphs you'd like to read the Op's posts again.

Knock you are doing really well. It doesn't matter if he sees you as single or not, the fact is you have made a decision that this is the end and you are now single. I would make him take all of his stuff next time he sees DS - he can store it at a mates or his parents, but it will send out a very strong signal that you are not wavering on this. It. Is. Over. I am so pleased that you are so much happier and 'lighter' now - remember this when he's whittering on at you.

DS will benefit from this too.

You just need to stay strong :)

Thanks you lot. I am on a real high at the moment. I have got over the money hurdle today which has been a real weight off my mind.

ExP came to see DS today and we had the 'talk' about still caring about one another and loving him very much, but not wanting to live together anymore. DS really cried and I thought I was going to crack, but I held it together. We've been out since then and we're going out again, for dinner, in half hour. He seems fine now.

While ExP was here we talked about money. I gave him a list of urgent bills that needed to be paid, like yesterday, and asked him if he could help, considering he has used those utilities/eaten that food/worn those clothes etc, that are now needing to be paid for. He refused to help so I asked him to go into DS's room and spend some time with him while I made a phone call. I phoned my mum and she is giving me the money I need to get myself up to date. She was really great, asked to speak to ExP and told him that she loves him and will always think of him as her son. I thought it was going well but ExP was angry that I hadn't made it clear to her that he wants to come back and I am forcing him to leave. FFS, why does he want to alienate me from my own mother?

I've told him how much I need per month to continue servicing our debts and it's not that much. He will still have about 4 times more to live on than me. He agreed! He will mess me about, I know he will, but I don't care really. I care that my rent and utilities are paid and DS and I can afford to eat. Whatever is left can go to the creditors. I feel very calm about it. They can't have money that I don't have.

Hadenuf, it is really helping me to hear that others think ExP's behaviour is controlling. He isn't a bad person but he has become very good at playing the 'victim' card and making me feel guilty for having needs. Our relationship has always been a play off between our needs and he always wins because he is more needy than me.

Please don't sour the support I've had here by picking on posters that are helping me.

I think it's really lovely that people are rallying around to help you, financially and otherwise

don't be afraid to ask, they want to help

I'll bet you have been there for them in the past x

It has been lovely AF

Tomorrow we are going out with friends for a walk around the lakes and then back to theirs for Sunday lunch.

I'm finding it difficult to talk about why we've split and I feel like those that are helping me are waiting for the big confession about domestic violence or womanising to come. I know ExP's faults but he isn't abusive, not when compared to some of the bastards I hear about.

Passthechocolates, I hope you're enjoying your weekend away.

Don't weaken and lose resolve. If you know in your heart that your relationship is over don't try and patch things up only to revisit these feelings at a later date. I first tried to separate with ExP 10 years ago when DS was a tiny baby. It never got better for us. The longer you stay together the more your life gets wasted.

What are the practicalities of the split? How will housing work out for example?

Another one who has been living in the bedroom quite a lot - it's the master bedroom with en suite And I just got a lock put on the bedroom door.

Mine sounds similar, a weak bastard, I have decided to call him the Narcissistic Cock Lodger. We are nearly divorced, and are talking finances. He can't move out till he takes more of my money we have agreed how to divide assets.

I am the old me again, and I hope you are starting to feel similarly. Yes you will feel stressed - it will come and go - but you will feel free

Hi Pink, we chatted on a recent thread of mine. Don't know if you remember?

Sorry to hear STBX is still fucking up your life. How soon will the divorce be finalised?

Hi ladies - is there a name for a collective group of women all living in the other room? Will think of something amusing.

I found more evidence that stbx has been looking for other women for over two years, photos of him that i took he posts so others can see, same chat up line he used on me, makes me want to vomit.

Enjoy your weekends. i have to go back later today - anyone got any advice what to tell my DS who is six...

Hi knock I tend to remember posts/stories, not names, just re-read your thread, it's so hard to capture years of stuff in a single post, and your wish to be honest with your oh seemed to be taken the wrong way. I may or may not be actually divorced , awaiting the decree absolute, which I hope will ariive tomorrow (in which case I have been divorced since Friday!)

chocolates hopefully if you are calm and focused on DS and your love for him, and speak with the intention of being simple yet honest, the right words will come :)