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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He hit me :(

70 replies

Gottalovecosta · 14/02/2012 08:02

I'm in shock. I've been with DH 14 years, married for 10. 2 DC together, right now we're the happiest we've ever been. We are under stress - our son is being diagnosed with ASD - but as a couple we've never been stronger, or so I thought.

Our younger (who's 2) was awake in the night in pain. I asked DH to go down and get calpol as me leaving DS would distress him further. He was really unhappy about doing this, was tired etc and couldn't see why I didn't go - I was consoling our son. I just assumed he was tired and grumpy (it was 2am) so ignored it, and sat on the bed in the darkness with our son.
DH came back into the room and said 'Why are you laying there doing fuck all' I reacted angrily, was worried about my son and frankly pissed off at the way DH was acting. Next thing I know, he's punched me in the face, splitting both my top and bottom lip open. Blood everywhere.
I ran downstairs howling and crying, in shock more than anything. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine him doing something like that, never. He's never shown a hint of violence in 14 years. He is fairly grumpy, has a stressful job etc but never ever violent to anyone.
I've been awake all night crying and sobbing at the thought of it. My bottom lip is still bleeding this morning. I grew up with a violent father, my earliest memories are of trying to protect my mum from his blows and I always said I wouldn't stand for it. But- how/why has this happened after so long?! I feel so confused, I thought I knew him inside and out after 14 years, now I feel like I don't know him at all. :-(

OP posts:
Nyac · 14/02/2012 08:07

You need to call the police. :(

I'm very sorry he did this to you.

LilacWaltz · 14/02/2012 08:07

Oh op, I'm so sorry! I was with a violent man a kit longer than I should have been, but a full on punch like that wasnt something I got ( though did fear)

Has he said anything to you? What did he do afterwards?

LilacWaltz · 14/02/2012 08:08

Yes, sorry, this does need reporting.

TanteRose · 14/02/2012 08:08

that is serious assault.
call the police

so sorry Sad

hope you are OK

LaughingGas · 14/02/2012 08:09

oh my goodness, poor you. what has he said since, and in the immediate aftermath?

lucidlady · 14/02/2012 08:09

Agree you need to call the police. I'm so sorry. Have you got someone you can talk to in RL? What has he said since it happened?

D0G · 14/02/2012 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Gottalovecosta · 14/02/2012 08:10

He cried when he saw me bleeding, then did the typical 'I did it because of how you spoke to me, this is your fault' cliche.

I feel like this is a totally different man to my husband. It's like my husband went to bed and died last night, leaving this other person here. He's still in bed, so I haven't seen him this morning.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 14/02/2012 08:10

That is just awful :( So sorry that happened to you. You must be feeling really shocked. Has he come in to see how you are? If your lip is still bleeding you might need stitches - you should at least get it seen by a doctor today. I don't think you should stay with him, sorry to say. He has massively stepped over a line and he can't go back.

Kayzr · 14/02/2012 08:12

You need to call the police and get it checked by a doctor.

I'm sorry this has happened. Sad

LaughingGas · 14/02/2012 08:13

what would you like to do about it?

Do you want to report it to the police.

Do you want to see what today brings

CailinDana · 14/02/2012 08:15

If he's blaming you, then it's definitely the end of the relationship. Blaming you gives him the space and permission to do it again - in his mind, if it's not his fault then he can't control it.

I agree with the others that you should call the police.

LilacWaltz · 14/02/2012 08:15

He's blaming you. He's showing no concern.

Says it all to me. I know it's just a snapshot of your life,but he should be doing something by now! Does he not have work today?

Nyac · 14/02/2012 08:16

If he's done this after so long, maybe it's because you have always done what he wanted before, whether you were aware of it or not. This time you put your ds's needs over something that your husband wanted so he punched you in the face to get you back in line.

As for it being your fault by the way you spoke to him, it was him talking to you like this:

'Why are you laying there doing fuck all'

wasn't it?

Original poster
Gottalovecosta · 14/02/2012 08:16

I'm going to see what happens when he gets up - shouldn't be long now.
I want to see what he says/does. This is SO out of character I almost want him to go and see a Dr himself.

Either way, I won't stand for it, my head isn't clear yet as I'm exhausted - I haven't slept since it happened - and I'm in so much shock. How could he do it?! How could he change so quickly after so long?

OP posts:
LilacWaltz · 14/02/2012 08:16

Cailin so so true!

Op, us it still bleeding? Are the dc ok?

Heswall · 14/02/2012 08:17

Call the police and let him see you make the call, what a bastard.

Nyac · 14/02/2012 08:17

He's not ill and he hasn't changed. He's just hidden it, or not felt the need to use violence to get his way up until now.

The way he spoke to you shows he views you in contempt. Call the police, what he did was a violent crime.

dietstartstmoz · 14/02/2012 08:19

Oh OP I'm so sorry this has happened. Did your H say anything at all? I think it is a serious assault and u should call the police. I have no experience of DV but we also have a son with ASD. I can tell you that having a child with a disability puts a strain on the strongest of relationships. Going through our sons ASD diagnosis was so hard and we both struggled in different ways but day to day life with our DS also puts a strain on our relationship. You need a strong relationship to get through and a supportive DH. You both sound like you need help. Do call the police and hopefully you have someone in rl that you can get help.from. And come to the SN boards for help with your son and his diagnosis.

CailinDana · 14/02/2012 08:19

It seems to me that up till now he's been using his moodiness to control you - I'm guessing you tiptoe around him and try to make him happy. But lately you've been relaxing more, and perhaps now that things feel "better" to you, as in, you're not being so careful around him, he feels like he's losing control of you. Last night you stood up to him, and that was the last straw for him, he had to step things up to bring you back to where you were before.

ISayHolmes · 14/02/2012 08:20

Please call the police and get him away from you before he does it again. The next time could be more severe or your children could see or hear it. You are not to blame for this, the stress is not to blame for this happening. He chose to hit you and then he decided to blame you for it afterwards. Even if you change your behaviour it would still happen again because it's not you that caused this.

PLEASE if you won't call the police then take photos of the lip, go to the doctor and have it documented and tell somebody what has happened so they can help you if it happens again: a friend or family.

babyhammock · 14/02/2012 08:21

whatever else you decide or want to do, you need to call the police. However I wouldn't tell him you are going to do this or do it in front of him...purely because I wouldn't know how he'd react but he will certainly try and talk you out of it.

Seriously whether you decide to stay with him or not, you need to call the police.
Did he do this infront of your dc? x

Original poster
Gottalovecosta · 14/02/2012 08:21

The children are fine, youngest is awake and playing, eldest is still asleep.

It scares me that I thought I knew him, I clearly didn't :( I'm going to pack things for me and the children and go and stay with my mum, and will get her support to go to the police. :(

OP posts:
LilacWaltz · 14/02/2012 08:23

Sounds like op was holding her son when it happened.Sad

Colliecollie · 14/02/2012 08:23

Please call the police OP.

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