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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He hit me :(

70 replies

Gottalovecosta · 14/02/2012 08:02

I'm in shock. I've been with DH 14 years, married for 10. 2 DC together, right now we're the happiest we've ever been. We are under stress - our son is being diagnosed with ASD - but as a couple we've never been stronger, or so I thought.

Our younger (who's 2) was awake in the night in pain. I asked DH to go down and get calpol as me leaving DS would distress him further. He was really unhappy about doing this, was tired etc and couldn't see why I didn't go - I was consoling our son. I just assumed he was tired and grumpy (it was 2am) so ignored it, and sat on the bed in the darkness with our son.
DH came back into the room and said 'Why are you laying there doing fuck all' I reacted angrily, was worried about my son and frankly pissed off at the way DH was acting. Next thing I know, he's punched me in the face, splitting both my top and bottom lip open. Blood everywhere.
I ran downstairs howling and crying, in shock more than anything. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine him doing something like that, never. He's never shown a hint of violence in 14 years. He is fairly grumpy, has a stressful job etc but never ever violent to anyone.
I've been awake all night crying and sobbing at the thought of it. My bottom lip is still bleeding this morning. I grew up with a violent father, my earliest memories are of trying to protect my mum from his blows and I always said I wouldn't stand for it. But- how/why has this happened after so long?! I feel so confused, I thought I knew him inside and out after 14 years, now I feel like I don't know him at all. :-(

OP posts:

RealitySickOfSick · 14/02/2012 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sapphirefling · 14/02/2012 11:04

OP I am so very, very sorry. My first assault was apunch in the face, in the dark and even though it happened 15 years ago, I still remeber every vivid detail.
You MUST find the strength to report this to the police. This is NOT your fault and it needs to be logged on their records at the very least.
I know how difficult it is to walk away on the basis of one assault. But after that first assault, you will live with the fear of it happening again. If you stay and you need help with the children in the night, you won't ask him. You'll be scared in case you wake him up. You start to worry about the children waking him up and you, a grown woman, start to live in fear of what he might do.
Am so so sorry that this has happened to you but a line has been crossed. Stay strong.

Finallyfinally · 14/02/2012 12:30

I think you need to concentrate on your first step - which is getting yourself and DC out of the house. Do that, and once that's done turn your attention to reporting it. This is such a bolt from the blue, it would be very easy to be overwhelmed...

CeliaFate · 14/02/2012 12:39

Christ, op. You must feel as though your world has exploded. Huge sympathy for you. Get you and the dc out and clear your head. Take photos. I'd report it, then make him go to the drs, then to Relate, but only once the enormous shock has worn off a bit. Hugs to you.

MiniEggsAreTheWorkOfTheDevil · 14/02/2012 13:05

SGB whilst I am sure OP appreciates everyone's support I think you are putting words into the OP's mouth with posts like this:

'If you've previously had to tiptoe around your H because of his 'grumpiness' then there is no hope for this marriage: this is a man who thinks he is entitled to be obeyed by you, that he is the 'person' and that you are something between a domestic appliance and a pet that it is ok to 'train' by shouting at it, scaring it and finally beating it.'

OP said 'he is fairly grumpy' - Lots of people are fairly grumpy but it doesn't mean they feel any of the other things you have said. Clearly they would also never punch their partners in the face either though. OP seems genuinely shocked and has said more than once that this is completely out of character for her dh, she has not said she has endured a marriage of being viewed as a object who has to obey their master. I know you want to help and support but perhaps you are putting your own experiences onto the OP and her dh? I'm not sure how helpful this actually is.

MyNameIsNotSusan · 14/02/2012 13:08

Blimey. This is so awful for you OP, my heart goes out to you. I can imagine you are feeling very confused at the moment.

This is so, so wrong, though. I think you must report it. It might also be an idea to ask him to leave for a bit while you gather your thoughts.

I am afraid this would be a dealbreaker for me. 'Never done it before' just doesnt cut it. He has done it now. He could do it again.

mouldyironingboard · 14/02/2012 13:12

minieggs - I think you've got this wrong. The op needs to leave because she is now in a dangerous situation and so are her DC. Whether her H is fairly grumpy or very grumpy doesn't matter now.

MiniEggsAreTheWorkOfTheDevil · 14/02/2012 14:07

Oh I totally agree she needs to leave now and said so in my previous post, there is some fantastic, helpful advice on this thread. I just feel uneasy with the assumptions being made about her dh's mental state and how he views OP being presented as fact 'he thinks...' etc. Not helpful IMO.
Anyway, no further discussions required, this is not the place to be arguing.

Hope you are ok OP.

solidgoldbrass · 14/02/2012 14:11

I'm afraid there's always a backstory of abusive, controlling, woman-hating behaviour in situations like this. It's just that up until the punch in the face, it's been possible to minimize it as it happens in slow stages.

OP, this is not your fault. You did not deserve it, you did not cause it. I wish you strength in getting this man out of the home and at a safe distance from your life.

gwendolinefairfax · 14/02/2012 14:13

God this is awful. Hope you are ok x

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 14/02/2012 14:14

So sorry this has happened to you.

I hope your Mum and your rl firends give you every possible support, you MUST talk about this to people you trust.

It is NOT something you have caused.

Good luck with your journey.

YuleingFanjo · 14/02/2012 14:16

you are doing the right thing to go to your mum's. Really hope that you are ok.

ShineYourButtonsWithBrasso · 14/02/2012 14:20

Just offering my support, glad to read you have RL support.

KatieScarlett2833 · 14/02/2012 17:30

Hope you and your DC's are safe and at your Mums.

You must go to the Police.

MaryPoppinsMagic · 14/02/2012 22:07

Ditto that you must go to the police.. and leave this 'man'

chocoraisin · 15/02/2012 12:37

are you ok today OP? thinking of you x

TheTruthNothingButTheTruth · 15/02/2012 12:52

Hon, please call the police and report this. Get rid of him.

I can take a guess that all these years he has just kept the urge to be violent to himself and now somehow he could not control himself. But that shows the other side of him and its better to get out before it gets worse. Dont give him a second chance.

LouMacca · 15/02/2012 13:01

So sorry that this has happened to you OP. What a truly terrible shock for you. Thinking of you x

loopylou6 · 15/02/2012 14:20

Omg, I'm so sorry for you. as other posters have said, he could of got your son instead :(

AllTheSevens · 16/02/2012 08:29

How are you today OP? Hope you and DC are safe at your Mum's now.

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