He hit me :(

[Gottalovecosta]

I'm in shock. I've been with DH 14 years, married for 10. 2 DC together, right now we're the happiest we've ever been. We are under stress - our son is being diagnosed with ASD - but as a couple we've never been stronger, or so I thought.

Our younger (who's 2) was awake in the night in pain. I asked DH to go down and get calpol as me leaving DS would distress him further. He was really unhappy about doing this, was tired etc and couldn't see why I didn't go - I was consoling our son. I just assumed he was tired and grumpy (it was 2am) so ignored it, and sat on the bed in the darkness with our son.
DH came back into the room and said 'Why are you laying there doing fuck all' I reacted angrily, was worried about my son and frankly pissed off at the way DH was acting. Next thing I know, he's punched me in the face, splitting both my top and bottom lip open. Blood everywhere.
I ran downstairs howling and crying, in shock more than anything. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine him doing something like that, never. He's never shown a hint of violence in 14 years. He is fairly grumpy, has a stressful job etc but never ever violent to anyone.
I've been awake all night crying and sobbing at the thought of it. My bottom lip is still bleeding this morning. I grew up with a violent father, my earliest memories are of trying to protect my mum from his blows and I always said I wouldn't stand for it. But- how/why has this happened after so long?! I feel so confused, I thought I knew him inside and out after 14 years, now I feel like I don't know him at all. :-(

Just to be clear, did he assault you in front of your son?

Please make sure you get some medical attention today.

Abuse is at heart about power and control.

Do not attempt to try and minimise what has happened to you as you are now doing. You need to remember that the only level of violence acceptable in a relationship is NONE, yes that's right NONE.

Please talk to Womens Aid as well.

You were physically and verbally abused by your H. There was no justification whatsoever for his actions. Many people are stressed etc but don't resort to battering the nearest and dearest. Please show him there are serious consequences for this rather than try and brush it under the carpet. You need to log your injuries and seek police help.

He won't seek help because he felt and likely feels fully justified in what he did to you. He has shown you no real remorse nor taken any responsibility for his actions, I note he blamed you instead which is another bad sign.

OP I'm so so sorry. I remember well the shock when someone you love and thought would never hurt you raises their hand to you for the first time. His behaviour is disgusting, including his blaming of you after the event. Please know in your heart of hearts that this is in no way your fault.

Agree with others that you should see doctor and contact police. I'm just so so sorry this has happened to you. Did your son see what happened? You've done the right thing coming on here by the way, you will get all the support and hand-holding you need. Thinking of you

im so sorry.

sending hugs and supportive vibes

OMG what an absolute awful shock for you. It must be so hard to comprehend he could be like this after 14 years. You must be in a state of shock.

How do you feel today? Does your face hurt? Is there an obvious bruise and cut? I ask - for 2 reasons, 1 to see if you are OK and if its still hurting, or your teeth hurt and/or still bleeding you need to be seen my a doctor and/or dentist. The second reason I ask is wondering how he will respond today in the cold light of day to the consequences of his actions? If you have obvious injuries to your face what is he expecting you to say to other people - lie for him?

It sounds from what you said that when he hit you, you were holding your son. Is that correct? Did your son wee he hit you? Is your son OK?

Please dont brush this under the carpet. It needs to be confronted and dealt with however uncomfortable that is and you have to really ask yourself deep down how this has changed your relationship. Will/are you going to be afraid to ask for help in a similar situation to last night again in the future? Are you going to be holding back "moaning" about something to him because you are now fearful of him?

What future do you really feel you have in this relationship now?

The best advice is to get out and stay out, but I appreciate that its not always that easy but hope some of the questions I have asked help you clarify how your relationship may have changed after last night.

Do you have anyone in RL you can confide in?

You say you were holding your son and you were sat in the dark.

He could easily have punched your DS.

Did he punch you in front of your ill 2 yr old? I hope you can take steps to save your DC from a childhood which mirrors your own. Can you get your mum to come over to collect you and the children, so she's there to look after them when he gets up and you need to speak to him?

Oh I'm so sorry. You must be in shock. Is there anyone who can come to stay with you for a few days? Regardless of whether you call the police, I think it's vital you get your H to leave to give you some breathing space. Ideally, though, you will call the police. It's quite likely he'd get a caution if you're unwilling to go further (although the police have a positive action policy, it's still very hard to get a conviction if the victim is unwilling to proceed), but there needs to be an independent record of it. At the very least get to you Drs/A&E.

If it really is the case that there's been no sign of any controlling/aggressive behaviour in the last 14 years I can understand you being confused. It's unusual but not unheard of. My X managed to spend 6 years before trying to strangle me - and it was only after I left him that I found out from others that he had a long history of violence with women.

I'm afraid the blaming you is the most worrying sign in all this. The lack of contrition means that he feels it is acceptable to use any means he feels necessary to get you to behave how he feels fit. That's no basis for a marriage and certainly not one for raising children.

I'm really sorry you're going through this and wish you strength and support for whatever happens next.

Good, for yours and your childrens sake do not stay around this man! What kind of 'man' punches his own wife in the face?

I think going to your mum's with the dc is a very good plan.

Obviously what your dh has done is totally and utterly unacceptable and his lack of willing to take responsibility for his actions is a red flag sign BUT from the way you describe him in your OP do you think it is possible that he has some kind of medical problem - has had an 'episode' of some sort. I want to state for the record that I am NOT trying to find excuses for him at all but if this behaviour is so completely out of character then I would want to know what has changed, this wasn't just a massive argument it was a physical assault. I would be insisting that he went to the doctor ASAP too.

I'm really sorry you are going through this.

If the first incident of violence involved him splitting your lips while you had your baby in your arms that does not bode well I'm afraid. Usually there is an escalation from verbal abuse and low level pushing etc but to go from nothing to an ABH is worrying.

The police will take it seriously - you can expect for your H to be arrested, interviewed and either cautioned or charged depending on whether he admits it. You will be supported every step of the way.

Good luck and I think going to your Mum's is a very good idea. I don't know how you can rebuild the trust when your partner has showed an unpleasant and completely hidden side to their character.

This is awful op...please listen to everyone on here, contact the police. Go to your mums as suggested above.....this is not your fault!

Can you get him out of the house? He should be uprooted not you and the kids.

I am so sorry he has done that to you. I have no advice other than I'd defiantly listen to the other posters. I'm so shocked for you..

Nothing to add, just sending strength....and this.....if you are in any doubt about what to do,just remember that the next time (and there will be one) your 2 year old might be old enough to understand, and to start thinking it's normal. Or worse, it could be him in the firing line next time.

If someone random in the street did this to you, you'd report the assault. The fact that he is your husband and is supposed to cherish and love you, and that he did this in front of your child is absolutely horrendous. The fact that he is your husband doesn't excuse the violence - it makes it worse IMO.

Oh OP :(

Please DO go to your mum's. If for nothing else, then for the shock. I can't imagine you aren't suffering from shock and you need looking after. If he is still in bed, get some clothes for the kids and go now. Someone else will come back and get you clothes etc. Clothes/toiletries etc can be replaced but I'm so worried how he will react if he KNOWS you are leaving. It may be better to go quietly just now.

I hope your mum will support you in calling the police. Get it on record and protect yourself and your children. Now he has revealed his true self, things may escalate.
PLEASE take care. x

I hope all goes well and you get the suppor you need.

I left home with DS with nothing on us. Then asked the police to go with me to fetch our things.

Safety is the most important thing. Never mind rights. You can take care of those later with a solicitor.

OP [sad}

What a horrendous shock for you.

You sould very strong and I hope you stay that way.

you need to report to police
he needs to leave (tho if you can go to mum's with DC that is fine); he needs to stay away fom you.

you need to go to GP and get it recorded and also report to police.

sorri this is happening

My god... you poor thing. What a terrible shock for you and your DCs.

This is not ok, I don't want to make you feel worse but on average it takes over 40 episodes of DV for the victim to report it :( It may be that he is ill, that it was a one off. But you won't know that unless you stand firm now - call the police, make damn sure the consenquences are immediate and as extreme as this awful, awful act of violence. He needs to be shocked - as you have been - right now, not to accept that anything about it is 'ok'. IF you forgive, do so after you have shown him your strength. Your DC deserve it.

I am so so sorry you have to deal with this :( you don't deserve it. AT ALL.

As another pp suggested get yourself to the gp or a&e for treatment and tell them it was due to domestic violence.
It will be recorded and probably even reported to the police.

Seek legal help and protect your children.

If you've previously had to tiptoe around your H because of his 'grumpiness' then there is no hope for this marriage: this is a man who thinks he is entitled to be obeyed by you, that he is the 'person' and that you are something between a domestic appliance and a pet that it is ok to 'train' by shouting at it, scaring it and finally beating it.
SO sorry this happened to you. There is lots and lots of support aviailble to get this man out of the family home and ensure your safety.

Oh OP I'm so sorry to hear this. You must still be in shock.

Please get yourself and your DC to your Mum's as soon as possible, and get your injuries checked out. I hope your Mum will support you in telling the police what has happened.

None of this was your fault OP. The fact he is trying to blame you for it is chilling, as it absolves him of any responsibility. What's to stop him doing it again? He was even willing to punch you in front of your young child please keep yourself and your DC safe.