been planning to leave and dh just found all my packing!

[givemeavodka]

Hi have posted before some might remember me. i have dh and 3 young ds.
Unhappy in marraige, dh has been controlling, abusive verbally and financially and text relationship with another women whilst i was pregnant.
i have been planning to leave to begin again in cornwall and going this half term week. with the plan for me to keep up the courage to leave him and stay and make a new life with my ds.
Anyway, today my dh found stuff packed away and has confronted me. i do feel bad not from telling him outright my plans, but did not want anymore arguments or confrontations and I wanted to minimise any impact on my ds's by not telling him before I left. anyway after much digging around on his part he as more or less concluded that i am leaving.
I said that I was planning to as long as I have the courage to do so as I feel so quilty for leaving him and taking the children and I do not want to upset him and I feel awful for going.
This evening he has been a mixture of first crying and being upset and pleading with me to stay and work it out. Then a little angry by saying things like ' I won't get to teach ds to ride a bike' basically he is trying to turn things around. Now I feel awful. Part of me is beginning to give in again as I do genuinally feel sorry for him and I hate to see him so hurt.

They will call you as next of kin if is necessary, just go.

My bestest friend and I met when she was staying in a woman's refuge with two children under 5 on the run from a cheating emotionally and physically abusive husband. The three were moved to share one room in a b&b for 8 wks with no heating. Now less than a year on she has a beautiful flat and supervised access through the courts to the father. She is so happy, so radiant. She constantly marvels at how great life is without his control, but it wasn't anywhere near easy. Oh and this friend is only 24. You can do it lady do it for your babies. Good luck xxxxx

Thanks all for your supportive messages.
He was discharged yesterday am, blood tests and xray were fine. Although later in the day he said ' that he said he discharged himself!' so not sure if this is true. he is still crying loads. going to try and leave tomorrow night when dh is out

I suspect that the 'discharged himself' comment was to make it sound more melodramatic - yes, I was so distraught that I left AGAINST MEDICAL ADVICE - subtext: and it's your fault. Yadda yadda.

Presumably the crying is also to show you how upset he is, because what matters is him and his feelings. Same as when you first posted - he was concerned that he wouldn't get to teach your ds to ride a bike.

Hope you manage to make the break, is your brother able to come and stay?

Let's face it, a man who genuinely believes he is having a heart attack does not get in the car to drive: he calls 999.

It's one of the oldest tricks in the book.

Op, if he is this 'distraught' then how can you guarantee he will be out tomorrow night? He's likely to be pre empting when you will leave, and will stay around to block it.

Good luck vodka.

Good Luck Vodka....do keep us posted when you get yourself settled :)

thanks again everyone for all your posts.
I am just going to get tomorrow and ds party over with, if he is out tomorrow night i will leave. i have already thought that he might not go to work and stay at home thinking i might leave. If he is home, i will leave wed morning and ask a friend round in the morning so hopefully to diffuse the situation.
its been a real stressfull day and i've had a headache for 10 hours! its so stressfull and the sooner i get to cornwall now the better.
dh is still crying, still pleading and a little angry , what a great combination!
roll on tomorrow, not long to go. xx

Oh good luck, givemeavodka. Do be careful.

Is there no one who could come and stay with you overnight? He's not been drinking, has he? Not that it necessarily matters - you be very careful, Vodka and best of luck with getting away.

Also, make sure you clear your browsing history and log out of MN, in case you don't already do all that.

Stay strong vodka.
I hope your DS1 enjoys his party :)

Good Luck Vodka - stay strong and safe.

Fio if the OP is leaving because her H has been abusive, then that's not making a mistake, that's making someone's life hell. He's playing you, vodka. FIL used to cry chest pains once a year in order to get a free medical from A+E. Wasted many a doctor's precious time.

Fio - sounds like it isn't 'one mistake' but a pattern of behaviour which means the OP is in danger.

How are you Vodka? Everything OK?

Hope you've made it away, vodka.

How are things Vodka?

Wow- i'm Back
I've done it!!! I've gone. I did manage to get away Wednesday morning as planned. It has been very hard. Been in bed on friday with flu like symtoms, temperature and terrible throat but am now feeling a little better. I think i must be very run down.

Dh has been emailing me continuoulsy pleading for me to come back but i have stated that I have made my decision and am not coming back.
Guess what. I have also done scooo much this week all being unwell.
I have applied for income support , visited schools and applied to local council, started looking for. a house, changed bank details for child benefit.
And visited a solicitor for advice on monday i should qualify for free legal advice and she is going to draft a letter to send to my dh.
I feel a bit numb though, and as if I am running someone else's life!! if that makes sense. It all happening very quickly, i suppose thats best in a way.
Thanks everyone for your support. I am still wavering when dh pleads, but i guess but doing the benefits and stuff its harder to go back then?
So tired would love to sleep but 3 ds's are not at school yet till don't know when so its hard work.. thanks everyone again x

Fantastic news, vodka! I suspect the stress of finally making your break has caused you to feel ill, but it means the only way is up.

You can stop calling him DH now if you want to!

Keep it up - hopefully you will soon have the dses in school and can make strides into your new life.

Tribpot- thanks for your reply it means alot.
its all pretty stressful the leave the sorting everything out. i will be releived when they are in school. now i just have to find somewhere for us to live.
i still feel so very mean taking the boys and going and incredibily guilty,i wonder if that will ease. thanks again x

Good to know you are doing well.

No wonder you got ill with all the stress.

Things will get better, you'll see