My DH is amazingly fit .......BUT

[recall]

My husband has been overweight for years, he has taken up running again and is doing so well, I am very proud of him. He has lost 3 stone, he is so much healthier ( I was worried because he is 42 and entering the dodgy heart attacks for overweight men area ) A real bonus for me is that he looks stunning (to me) and I find him very very attractive, lets say it has re kindled an old spark.

But..... he goes running 3 evenings a week. We have 3 children 1,2 and 4. I sort of do the night shifts during the week, so that he is fit for work the next day. I also look after them every week day while he is at work, most weekends I work, I am self employed and can end up driving 14 hours all over the UK.

So 3 days a week, I start the day knackered, look after the kids and do school runs etc until 5, then DH gives me a break until 6 when he goes running. I have to settle the kids to bed etc, he gets back at about 8.

Its bloody killing me ! On his running days I feel all numb and heavy and sort of worthless, it all just goes on and on and on.

Don't want to take his running away from him. He is in a club, which is why the days and times are so rigid.

I am really torn, don't know how to resolve this.

Any ideas ??

Looney well he does get up in the morning at around 7 and take them down for breakfast and will dress them so that at 8 I come down and most of it is done-ish (in a man way )

How do I stop them waking in the night ? They just ....wake up, and need help going back to sleep....how do I stop them ? It is for milk usually...

If you give them milk, then they are going to continue waking as they are rewarded with milk, you need to wean them off it during the night.

Make sure they have plenty to eat during the day and you know they are full.

DH has just come down for a cuppa and we had a chat. I said that firstly, I do not want him to compromise his running, that isn't what this was about. Then we talked about the logistics of it all. He said that tonight he has to leave at 19.00, and he will try really hard to get them asleep/settled before he goes, so from 5-7 I can rest, then he is going to do the night and give me a good night's sleep. So I am feeling a load better, its nice to be listened to, I am ruined with both him and MN, thank you so much.

Tubby but there will be lots and lots of screaming.....do I just reassure them ? It sounds good now, but at 03.30 I will be weak - well DH will, its his turn

If you give them milk, then they are going to continue waking as they are rewarded with milk
Really? I always gave my son when he woke wanting it and he stopped wanting it. Of his own accord, you know, like all children do because that is what is meant to happen. They are unconscious and wake up because of a need, not because they think (they're not thinking anything in their sleep) "Hey, I want a reward" You only need to try wean children doing it if you want to stop them having milk at night before they're naturally ready and generally the only reason why weaning 'works' for some is that the child was close to doing it themselves anyway.

OP, sounds like the talk went well and that sounds like a great plan! :)

Over a year I would never give milk at night as I was worried about their teeth and it was a habit I didn't want to encourage. My dc soon got bored of water. I had to be militant as I had 3 very close together (DD and twins) and I couldn't do sleep deprivation.

Sorry pressed send too soon. Glad chat went well. Hope you get more rest.

Elusive I am inclined to agree, but being honest it is just because I don't know any other way, when my son and daughter want milk at night, they want it so I bung it to them. we have tried "methods" but after about 3 nights of hell, we just say Give them the milk FFS ! Is this lazy parenting ? Or is it desperation, or is it instinctive ?

They sleep in my bed too all three of them I just found it easier to have them next to me rather trapsing in and out of their room all night, sometimes its just a cuddle that is required. I find it easier to just roll over and cuddle them than to get out of bed, walk along the landing into their room, settle them, then settle the others who have been disturbed, and then come back to bed - disturbing DH.

This is all very confusing, I am unbelievably mixed up. I also think that I may have ADD to throw a spanner into the works, which makes any routine very challenging.

Fair enough verytellytubby :) Nothing wrong with stopping it if you need to, but just wanted to point out that it's not true that they'll keep on doing it indefinitely or that they're doing it 'because' they're getting it IYSWIM.

Is this lazy parenting ? Or is it desperation, or is it instinctive ?
I am all about lazy instinctive parenting No, seriously, the two often go hand-in-hand. I co-slept from birth for a long time (and still do some of the time) because I think it's good for children, but very high on the list of priorities is wanting my own sleep and wanting whatever got my son the most sleep too. Anyway, they will stop waking for milk at night of their own accord although at their age you can try various things too although they're not always successful. Are you having to get up to get the milk? Do whatever maximises everyone's sleep.

It's a really tricky one, and I think you need to chat with your DH and say pretty much what you have said to us - that you support his running and understand he needs to do it, but the added strain on you is too much and you don't want to start resenting it. I would suggest to him that he runs two evenings during the week with his club, and then the 3rd run he does either in a lunchtime, early morning (as long as it doesn't put strain on you then instead) or perhaps the evening in a weekend once you get back from work. He has to compromise a bit.

I run 3 times a week and run mostly at lunchtimes or in the evenings at 8pm once the kids are in bed. I would love to join the local group (we live in a rural area so there is only one) but they run at 6pm on a Tuesday which is not family friendly as like you I have 3 kids under 4.
But you do need to do something, otherwise the resentment will start eating away at you and will blow up into something big later on. Good luck.

My whole lifestyle is a bit of a fuck up really. I just can't stick to routines.

I have to do long hours driving to earn the money. My work is very intense, timewise, but once its done I am finished for a week, or maybe two and available to be a Mum. I find that having ADD, it is difficult to be employed, and have finally found my niche with this.

I think that my ADD is at the route of a lot of this. I am seeking treatment for it, so hopefully things will pick up soon.

Sorry Elusive, but I stand by my advice, with my children I did have to wean them off in the night, as I am pretty sure my now 7 year old would have still woken in the night now if I'd have carried on. I used to get up and get him a bottle and put him in bed with me and he loved it, and I had to make a real effort (as it was lovely and easy to do that) to just let him have a drink of water and keep him in his own bed.

TubbyDuffs As soon as you intervene, you don't know what would've happened. Please understand that I am really not suggesting there is anything at all wrong with stopping, there isn't. I am just saying that all parents who never intervene will tell you that children do stop waking and wanting milk at some point. The crux of it is 'at some stage' because for many parents that is far later than they feel they can continue with. Babies grow out of waking and wanting milk, like they grow out of lots of things, and the proof of that is that all babies, who were left to grow out of it without weaning, do. As soon as you wean them, you can't say 'well they wouldn't if I hadn't intervened' - they would, but just not soon enough for the parents. And that's OK.

Maybe "rewarded" was a wrong choice of word. I was referring to the breaking of a habit, like if you are in the habit of snacking and need to break that habit.

If the OP is willing to wait for her children to wean themselves off then all well and good, and that is fine if it works for the parent; however, the OP came on here asking advice as clearly the current situation isn't working for her.

Why is needing a good night's sleep a 'male nonsense'? I am not male, but to drive a commute and work in an intellectually demanding job without falling asleep at my desk I have to sleep through the night. When I didn't, I crashed the car and couldn't work. I found looking after children without sleep pretty terrible too, but no-one was paying me for a certain standard of work, and I could nap when they napped which provided a small amount of relief. I could not share a bed with three wriggly children aged 1-5, who wake a lot for milk, and then function adequately in the day. I just couldn't. We all have our limits!

OP, it sounds like there's a lot more going on than just the running club. Your husband sounds nice, too so glad you are talking and working out.

two HOURS of running?
i think he is having an affair

Really, Fregley? What evidence is that based on?

15-20 minutes travel to the club. Warm up, decide which route and group to go with. Run for an hour. Cool down, chat with the lads in the club house, 15-20 minute journey home. 2 hours is a pretty tight schedule imo.

id jsut say run for less then fgs

Ask your DH to desist from his running for a couple of weeks while you BOTH make a concerted effort to get the two youngest sleeping through the night, if they are waking at their ages it is really down to habit, and it is a habit that should be broken. Ask your GP or HV for some help as it quite clearly affecting your health.
I'm sure someone will be along soon with tips to make it work, otherwise get your DH to take them all out running, you'd be surprised at how well it will make them all sleep!