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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is there something more to this?

16 replies

Sazbrilla · 03/02/2012 23:25

Me and my partner have always been close. We been together for 1 year but known each other longer. Recently he has started to be more secretive, not leaving his phone on the side and spending more time out than he does with me. In the last two 4 months it's as if he has put up a wall between us. I've tried giving him space and reaching out to him but nothing works. I'm not sure what to do. I don't know what he is trying to do as he won't talk to me. Does anyone have any theories? All welcome.

OP posts:

Tryharder · 03/02/2012 23:27

Doesn't sound great really. Do you live together? What does he say when you confront him?

Hattytown · 03/02/2012 23:31

Yes, my theory is that he is having an affair and I'd advise you to get at that phone.

SparkleSoiree · 03/02/2012 23:36

I would be taking it as a sign that he is not as 'into me' as he may have once been. To find out if he was still interested I would start making myself unavailable (even if you were living together) and see how he behaves after a few weeks of that.

If you were to do that I think you would find out if he was still interested.

kodachrome · 03/02/2012 23:52

Sounds like he's got someone else on the side.

AgnesBligg · 03/02/2012 23:57

I think he is seeing someone else or thinking about it. Do you live together? I would be rejuvenating my social life at this point.

pictish · 03/02/2012 23:58

My theory is that he's playing away.

kotuku · 04/02/2012 00:01

Either he is seeing someone else or he is having serious doubts about your relationship.
Have you tried to confront him? Tell him you know something is wrong and you want to know what's going on - good or bad (if you do want to know that is).

Original poster

Sazbrilla · 04/02/2012 00:21

No we don't live together at the minute. I have confronted him and he just tells me he loves me and wouldn't hurt me. I've tried gettin my hands on his phone but he doesn't leave it around and when he does let me have it to play a game he is constantly looking over my shoulder. He won't talk to me and gets annoyed whenever I try talking to him.

OP posts:

kodachrome · 04/02/2012 00:25

Well, what's the point? You're not happy. You don't trust him. He won't talk freely to you. He gets arsy with you for no apparent reason.

I'd just quit.

Hattytown · 04/02/2012 00:29

I think it's there in neon signs to be honest.

There's someone else.

tallwivglasses · 04/02/2012 00:32

Don't waste your time, really.

I bet there's someone else out there already that you've got your eye on.

AnyFucker · 04/02/2012 10:35

Whether he's dipping his wick somewhere else or not, he sounds like a Duffer

a defective one

send him back whence he came

solidgoldbrass · 04/02/2012 11:03

It's only been a year, you don't have a shared home or DC, bin and move on. Because he either does have somethign going on with someone else or he's bored with the relationship but too lazy to call a halt, so you're best off getting out.
Sometimes relationships just have a limited lifespan, and it's always better to go for a clean quick end rather than knocking yourself out trying to 'work at it' and make him love you and commit to you. He's Not That Into You at least not any more, but there are plenty of other men out there.

Smum99 · 04/02/2012 11:05

Ignore what he is saying - what does his actions tell you? If he is being secretive and putting a wall up then he is not growing in closeness.If the relationship is only a year old then you are not having the honeymoon period.

Talk to him, explain what you feel, if it doesn't change and you stay with him then you are making a decision to tolerate it. Don't settle - a poor relationship is not better than no relationship.

Original poster

Sazbrilla · 04/02/2012 18:52

It's not that I don't trust him it's his sudden change in behaviour.

OP posts:

kodachrome · 04/02/2012 19:00

Look, I don't want to argue semantics really, but wanting to check his phone and so on means you don't trust him - and there's good reason for that in his behaviour. You're not in the wrong to feel that way.

He's behaving oddly and he won't explain why.

I can't see the point in running around trying to work out what his problem is - you deserve more respect than he is showing. If he won't talk to you about things, you've got nothing.

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