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Original poster

He doesn't fancy me anymore

58 replies

Abirosie · 22/01/2006 11:24

I have just had a major shock over the last few days. My H has admitted he doesn't fancy me anymore. He says he loves me but no longer fancies me. I am only 27 and have put on a little bit of weight since we have been marrie but i am still only a 12-14. I am not an ugly person to look at just normal i guess.

It has torn me apart and now feel i can't carry on our marriage. We have been married 8 years and have an 18 month old baby, i know the spark usually goes after a while but i am still young and want to be desired. Am i being silly

OP posts:
Aloha · 22/01/2006 11:25

Why does he say this? How is the rest of your relationship?
Do you still fancy him?

Nbg · 22/01/2006 11:26

No you are not being silly at all.

Did he say why he didn't fancy you?

expatinscotland · 22/01/2006 11:27

No, you're not silly, but I think this goes further than 'I don't fancy you anymore'.

Let's start w/the positive: he still loves you. Do you still love him?

Meanoldmummy · 22/01/2006 11:31

No, you're no being silly. I would feel exactly the same. You poor thing (((((hug))))) it must be so hurtful. Is it possible he is upset or depressed about something else? Has it been difficult or stressful recently with your child or other aspects of your relationship? Is he getting enough sleep? Men are very prone to their general mood/wellbeing coming out in their primary relationships and are often not very closely in touch with their own feelings/motives.

Please don't give up hope. Would he/you consider counselling together to find out what is happening? People don't just "go off" each other in my opinion, there is always more to it. And it isn't your weight. I do hope you can sort things out between you

Original poster
Abirosie · 22/01/2006 11:38

I still fancy him and always have despite him being 9 years older than me. I am heartbroken.

OP posts:
Aloha · 22/01/2006 11:39

What about your relationship? Do you know why he says this? Does he love you? Is he kind to you?

Original poster
Abirosie · 22/01/2006 11:39

i was a size 8 when we got married and have put on weight which i assume to be normal. But i am still only a 12-14. He is 36

OP posts:
Aloha · 22/01/2006 11:41

Yes, but what about the rest of your relationship? Are you happy? Do you have a laugh? Do you go out? Does he love you? Is he kind?

Meanoldmummy · 22/01/2006 11:45

I can't believe it has anything to do with your weight Abirosie. Most women's weight fluctuates a bit with having children...yours doesn't sound all that drastic. Try and keep calm, and talk to him. There may well be more too it. If he says he loves you then he isn't wanting to chuck the whole relationship out of the window, he's just letting you know there's a problem. Maybe he isn't sure why his feelings have changed.

Aloha · 22/01/2006 11:47

Some men (and women) do find that if their partner changes shape it does affect their sexual feelings towards that person. Women have come on MN and said so about their partners.
But usually there is more to it than that, especially as you are still pretty slim.

Meanoldmummy · 22/01/2006 11:50

Maybe you should ask him outright whether or not your shape has anything to do with it. If you ask him calmly and without putting emotional pressure on him he may feel able to tell you honestly. I know it's hard when you feel so hurt.

Original poster
Abirosie · 22/01/2006 14:30

I am going to leave i think. It is for the best

OP posts:
Tinker · 22/01/2006 14:33

?

Meanoldmummy · 22/01/2006 14:34

Abirosie...are you sure? Isn't it a bit hasty? I would have a good talk to him first and let him know how bad he has made you feel...give him a chance to explain himself. It won't be easy being on your own. I really feel for you. But don't rush into anything.

Original poster
Abirosie · 22/01/2006 14:37

I can't live with a man who i think might be fancying everything else but me. My self esteem is in tatters.

OP posts:
welshboris · 22/01/2006 14:37

Abi you posted about "big drunken mistake" where you snogged someone else. Maybe your OH has picked up on something and is using other reasons to show there are problems in the realtionship?

Maybe he thinks you dont fancy him anymore?

lou33 · 22/01/2006 14:37

I wonder why men do this, it's so hurtful. I wonder how they would feel if we said such things to them? I bet your h doesnt look the same stud muffin he did when you met him either.

My h said the same thing to me about 4 years ago. I cried for 3 days solidly, and it broke my heart. I tried to get past it, but he never acknowledged it was a hurtful thing to say, and thought i should just get over it. Sadly it was the beginning of the end for our marriage, and we split last nov.Ironically he now sees how cruel a thing it was to say, but it took us splitting for him to do so. I really wouldn't leave it, it isn't for the best. You need to try and sort this out before you end up down the same path we went. Good luck.

Meanoldmummy · 22/01/2006 17:44

How are you feeling Abirosie? I still think you should try and have a talk to him if you can. Try and get him to be a bit more honest about what has led him to be so mean. Then if you end up leaving, at least you will have tried.

Original poster
Abirosie · 22/01/2006 18:00

We haven't said much to eachother all day and he is currently wandering around now as though nothing has happend. Baby has now gone to bed.
Oh he has just picked up his book.
The cheek of it, he knows i am upset

OP posts:
Original poster
Abirosie · 22/01/2006 18:03

Feeling really low. [SAD]

OP posts:
Meanoldmummy · 22/01/2006 18:06

Could you sit him down and tell him how you are feeling? Without being angry? I don't know your dh but it might be worth a try. I'm so sorry you're having a miserable time

Original poster
Abirosie · 22/01/2006 18:08

His attitude is to bury his head in the sand. The worst part is that i asked him if he still fancied me and to be honest. Not expecting the answer i got and now he is having a go for asking him to being honest.

OP posts:
Meanoldmummy · 22/01/2006 18:10

Have you asked him when his feelings started to change? And if he has any idea why they did? If you ask him straight questions will he try to answer?

ggglimpopo · 22/01/2006 18:10

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Abirosie · 22/01/2006 18:11

Not sure about that might try it though.

Thanx

OP posts: