Acceptable excuse to be kicked?

[reignoffire]

DH sometimes talks in his sleep, non-sensical words strung together, and in the middle of mumbling. It only lasts for a few seconds. He is always fast asleep (with eyes closed) when he does this, and snores before & after.

Something different happened last night. I was woken by him kneeing me, very hard, in the side.

He then started kicking me, over & over again. His eyes were open, and he looked at me as if he absolutely hated me, as if I was the vilest thing on earth.

I rolled away from him, till I was on the edge of the bed. He turned over & began snoring, I lay there crying.

I did wonder if he thought I was in his way, but couldn't understand why he kicked me, instead of just rolling me.

This morning he was all smiles, and couldn't remember it.

I'm concerned whether it could escalate, and still can't get over the look on his face

I am now ok
As I said my situation now is different to ops.

Me an DH are ok as you say,

My initial reaction was much like his though which is why I was/ am

What does he do when he is awake op that scares you? I agree that's not right

I do this to my Dh
I have no memory of it all...
Dh says at times my eyes are open and I'm smiling...

Again I have no memory...

Me too, I have had hideous night terrors, including pulling him out of bed etc. I don't remember in the morning. They are occasional and have lessened in frequency and severity since having DD oddly.

If he shows no sign of violence when 'awake' it `is unlikely to be anything more than that. Docs may be able to refer him?

I didn't believe my former partner when he first told me, my reaction was embarrassment, if his is the same it isn't manifesting itself very well. However my ex was insistent I was a nutjob and a freak, which obviously wasn't very nice!

Devil or the deep blue sea, isn't it?

If this was deliberate and he knew full well that he was kicking you, then, obviously, he is abusive.

If accidental yet you have told him what he did (and from what you say here you really told him in depth rather than just casually. A lot of people only half listen to others and if you said casually 'you kicked me in your sleep' . I admit he could have just thought: 'Oh she's not hurt. It was accidental. No harm done.' But, no, you told him in depth) then you are living with somebody who pays no attention to your concerns and is dismissive of you when you present him with something that's really bothering you.

Whichever way it is-and it must be one or the other- he is horrible.

Physically abusive or mentally abusive? One or the other. It will wear you down either way.

I'm sorry but that does not sound like an accident to me! If it was he would have shown more concern surely?!

Scary the way you described, he'd be sleeping on the sofa tonight for your safety if anything!

don't want to judge if your dh was asleep..... this is what happened to me, xh would hit and kick me when in bed and use excuse he must of been asleep, after a few years of this he admited to me he wasn't asleep, i had confided in my friends and family where the bruises came from and they felt sorry for xh,after he admited to hitting me and kicking me on purpose he said it opened the way for him to kill me in his sleep,and laughed about it.he took a knife to my throat and said he would get away with it as he would say he was asleep. he also said if he had done this amount of abuse to me while he was awake i would of left him years ago, he gets his kicks from hurting women and children.

You see if he really really did not mean to kick you and had no recollection of it, then I can see if you just casually mentioned that he kicked you in your sleep, his thought processes could be -if he is not abusive: 'It is absurd beyond belief that I would do this on purpose. She must know this. So she seems physically OK. So I don't need to explain myself. People do shit like this in their sleep'

BUT, you told him in depth what happened and of how it bothered you and that it wasn't just a random painless kick but a sustained attack and he has swept it under the carpet. Obviously, he pays no attention to your concerns. Having known people whose exes were not physically abusive (never even called names), I can't tell you how awful it is to have somebody ignore your thoughts and be dismissive of you. Makes you feel like you're worthless after a while and not worthy of care and concern.

So, mad as it sounds, you don't actually need to know whether he did this on purpose to know whether or not he is bad for you. Either way, he is.

Of course, for your physical safety, you need to know because he could do this while awake. But, either way, he is bad for you.

My partner did this one night. He had a bad dream, mistook me for the 'enemy' and fought against me in bed, almost kicking me onto the floor. His eyes were open and his face a mixture of fear and loathing. In his case it certainly wasn't evidence of a sleep disorder, as it has happened only once in the 14 years we've been together. However, if your partner has sleep apnoea then he should certainly get that looked at, and it may be that it triggers other sleep problems.

I guess the difference is that he was mortified when I told him what he'd done, although that may have been because it was in the early stages of our relationship. Now he'd probably not grovel as much and just consider it payback for all the times I've pretended to be sleeping so he'd go to a crying child.

reignoffire

My Dh punched me in his sleep the other night.

When I told him the next day he was mortified we both knew I wasn't being pissy with him because he was asleep, but he was horrified he'd punched me even unconsciously.

He didn't for one single second attempt to make it my fault.

In my opinion my Dh's response is normal. I tend to judge normal as something close to the way the way I'd react in a given circumstance.

I dont know much about sleep disorders or side effects from medication , but i do know that if i was told i had hurt someone like this i would be genuineley sorry , and i certainly wouldnt laugh .

I also know that some abusive men hurt their partners by accident , ie , stepping on your toes , catching your hair , tickling you when you dont like it , accidently banging into you . Has anything like that ever happened ?

I suppose youve got a good idea of whether he really was asleep or not .

reign - i thought i read that you were frightened of his temper during waking hours? Or am i going barmy?!

I agree with Liza. My DP would be horrified if he did something like that in his sleep (and I'd be mortified if I did something like that to him) and would apologise even though we'd both know it was completely involuntary.

Laughing and trying to pass it off as something you'd imagined ? that rings alarm bells for me.