How can I fix this? Do I want to?

[ivmessedup]

I've messed up. I recently, stupidly told my DP about an affair I had many years before we met with a work colleague. He knows the guy and it's been hell since. He wants to know why and analyses every single response I give. He says our relationship is based on a lie - on the person he thinks I was and now knows I'm not. Nothing I say makes any difference. Is it just me, or is he making a meal of this? (haven't said that of course - lol)Had to sit through an interrogation last night, told I was a slut and a liar etc etc. He sets traps for me, trying to trip me up - then - Aha! I knew you were lying about that - sort of thing. Help!

Engage and survive???

Sounds like the little boy likes to play soldiers a little too much

Pack his bags and dump them on the doorstep. Maybe I would have a friend or relative on standby in case he gets nasty. He sounds like the type of prick who will use violence.

DH's reaction to news of that sort would be

"Really?"

"Wow!"

"What do you want for supper?"

he reminds me of another God like creature currently being described on here

OP, does he say "It's show time!!!!" or "Let the Game Commence" when he launches these ridiculous, but essentially creepy and scary tirades upon you

it has been pretty much decided that other God like creature is a psychopath and a narcissist

that other poster described being kept awake until the early hours to be interrogated by a mini Hitler

thankfully, she dumped him quicksmart

Does he have any weapons Op ? Decorational ones ?

I think that honesty with a partner means honesty about your past present and future. Faithfulness is important to me so i would have asked and expected a straight answer...

That said your DP sounds like a psychotic controlling nightmare. His reaction is crazy, even if heaven forbid you had lied to him about whether you had ever been unfaithful in previous relationships. He is acting totally loopy! Run, run quickly.

I think his choice of language is a big giveaway as to how he veiws your relationship = warfare . Tell him to fuck off out and interrogate the big guy across the road .

I think it is none of my DH's business who or what I did before I even met him. I also think it is none of my business (or interest, frankly) who he did before he met me.

Just pack him off with call of duty.

I would very calmly tell him "I choose 'finished'" - he's immature, controlling etc. Do you even love this person - I can't see why you would do when he's so unpleasant to you...

Only you know if you want to fix this, but it does sound like a difficult relationship. Do you really love him enough?

Do you have children together? If you do, then yes, unfortunately you need to try and fix this although he sounds like an utter wanker.

If not, run for the hills.

helpyourself, sometimes having children in the mix can mean it is best to walk away from a relationship

their existence does not mean a woman has no choice but to stay and "work" at a rubbish situationn

It does in the 1950's AF

I'm suggesting that if there are children, then they should talk. Not that she should stay. There's an outside chance that he's got caught up in the drama, and doesn't realise how ridiculous and cruel he's being.

Clearly there must be something about him that got you together in the first place, and ending a relationship can be the hardest thing to do, even when you know it's for the best, but please take on what everyone is saying on here - he is a bully, he is ridiculously insecure, and most of all, he is an utter nob for that 'engage and survive' twaddle.

I have no doubts this man knows exactly what he is doing

withdraw! withdraw!

Finding this out about someone would make me think a lot less of them, but I would either deal or dump, not start sending deranged text messages and acting like it was a matter of national security.

Sounds like he was a wanker even before you gave him the gift of a guilty past to terrorise you with.

AF that's the nub of the issue.

Can you honestly say that you have no doubt. I can't, I couldn't if my best friend described the op's situation.

quite right helpyourself.

He sounds unhinged a little odd from what the OP has said, but filling it the blanks to knowing his exact state of mind is a bit of a leap, surely??

I was going to say it doesn't take a genius to figure it out, but I won't.

No it dosent this guy is classic. Abusive relationship material.

He will snivel and get all hysterical when op gives him the boot, if she stays strong. He's trying to make her feel shit, exert power and beg, fearing he may leave.

Not expecting her to call his bluff, he obviously does think he is god.

He's not a nice man.

But when you get right down to it, does it matter whether he does it on purpose? If he either can't or won't stop, the only question is whether the OP is prepared to live with it.

I put up with that shit for far too long, even though I didn't even have a past (ah, but I might have done for all he knew, I couldn't prove I didn't). Got to the stage where I wished I had had a racy youth so I could say "yeah, I shagged the brigade of guards, SO BLOODY WHAT?" In 25 years I never worked out whether he was a controlling arse or a sufferer from PPD. A bit of both, probably. But it drove me crazy, and in the end that's the important thing. I'm out of there, and the Brigade of Guards still remains triumphantly unshagged.

I say dump. Yeah, projecting, ok. But seriously: hills >>>>> that way.

you see, helpyourself, we could all predict exactly what next move this man will make were Op to stand up to him

there is a script, and a man like this, who displays such characteristic behaviour patterns can be read just like one

FWIW I'd bet my house on him being 100% tosser and the relationship's not worth saving. But WE DON'T KNOW!!!

I DON'T KNOW that the sun will rise tomorrow in the east.

But it will.