How would you stop/have you stopped being horrible

[OuchCharlie]

I'm going to try not to make this a 'pity me' post, I think I'm a reasonable person most of the time, hope I'm a good mum and friend.

The problem is I don't think I'm being a very good wife at the moment.

Quick background; DH and I have been together almost 4 years, longest relationship either of us has had (his previous record was 1.5 years with someone 'horrible', mine was 4 months with a manchild) we've been married nearly 2 years and have a gorgeous 1 year old son.

I'm a SAHM and DH works, he gets 2 days off a week and we try to do fun things as a family, my problem is that I keep snapping at him, telling him how to do stuff (relating to DS) and just generally being like an annoying negative running commentary! I'm aware that I'm doing it but it wasn't until he said something the other day I really stepped back and looked at it from his point of view;I feel terrible and I want to change.

I'm not trying to excuse my behaviour but I think it comes from a mixture of just wanting things to be done right and keeping my son safe (DH is a little rougher with him than I am which I know is normal for a man but it makes me worry) and the fact that I'm constantly talking to DS so it's a kind of habit now to keep talking and pointing out dangers etc.

DH is a brilliant dad and amazing husband. There are very few 'bad' things I can say about him... I do wish things were more equal financially and struggle with the fact that he pays for everything (brilliant) while I don't 'work' but also that I have no money of my own apart from what is meant for our son for things such as nappies, clothing, playgroup etc but even if you are extremely frugal (which I am) people still need tampons, shampoo etc. Anyway I digress somewhat, apart from that and I wish I wasn't the only one to hear DS wake up (once awake he won't give in until I get up with him) there is very little amiss in the balance of our relationship; he doesn't deserve to be snipped at and told how to be a dad.

What makes it worse is that although DS adores DH he is going through a stage where he only wants me at the moment.

I can feel DH getting fed up with me but he's so tolerant he rarely says anything. I don't want to be the kind of mum who nags constantly and I definitely don't want to be that kind of wife, we've got a long time left together and I want things to be harmonious without him thinking 'shut up you old hag' and me hating myself!

So, if you've been through similar how did you (for want of a better phrase) learn to shut yourself up!?

How can I stop nagging before its out of my mouth? I know I've done it as soon as its out of my mouth but by then it's too late.

thank you quattrocentro this is a much more realistic view of my situation. I do indeed have debts which are with a consolidation agency and I pay for these out of the cb. I have suggested that DH does the same but he is worried about his credit rating and how long it would take to pay off - he wants us to be able to buy a house at some point. This is something we will need to discuss further I think, don't want to end up homeless if we were to split down the line. DH knows how important being a SAHM is to me, but both of us realise that it may make sense all round for me to get an evening job and the plan is to look for one in a few months when DS is breastfeeding less.

I need to scroll back to answer some of these posts so bare with me.

Let me just say tampons and shampoo were just examples. Yes they could come out of the food budget - we get vouchers as part of DHs wage and he passes them straight to me - but there often isn't enough for food as it is. But there are other things that need buying too... Birthday cards and stamps for example.

Are you entitled to Tax Credits, OP?

Yes pinkpussycat I get £10 per week which pays for nighttime nappies (we use cloth during the day) wipes, and playgroup and occasionally swimming if we've got plenty of nappies!

Rats! Although obviously good that you are getting £10 I was hoping to magically find you some more money

OP can you do ironing for other people? 2 hours a week would be an extra £90 a month for you

Essential I can't do ironing for myself! I deliberately buy things that don't need ironing and DH does his own work shirts and occasionally DS's trousers if they get wrinkly in the wash. Honestly my dad bought a new iron when I was still living at home because I kept complaining ours was broken - turned out it was just me! I imagine there's another service I could offer if I put my mind to it though. Meanwhile I'm making jewellery to hopefully sell on Etsy if I can work out which way round to take pictures so they don't upload sideways

I know lots of folk hate ironing. I just thought it's easy to pick up ironing work, easy to do it at home anytime while the baby is asleep, and £90 a month extra seems like it could make a significiant difference to your lifestyle at the moment.

For me ironing would be easier than working a 4 hour shift at a bar for the same money, but obviously horses for courses. Selling jewellery sounds like it could end up actually costing you money if you're not careful, although obviously heaps more fun than ironing .

OuchCharlie, the financial discussion has moved on a bit so I won't go there, but in your OP you said you wanted advice on how to sto being so horrible, saying you were nagging your DH and criticising him. Can you give some examples? There are many techniques you can use to try to control what you say and how you say it, but I think it's important to give the examples first. For example, if you've asked him to do something perfectly reasonable and he doesn't, you're not nagging if you ask him again. He should be doing it. So asking repeatedly doesn't make you horrible, it makes him in the wrong for not doing it in the first place. I can't really say without examples though.