DP has stormed out because ...

[OnlyWantsOne]

Dp has just stormed off in a huff because I said "ok"

He bought a dress that was hanging up in the hall into the sitting room and said he did it so it didn't smell of cooking. I said ok and he's stropped off.

What did I do wrong? Was I meant to congratulate him?

Ffs fed up of being emotionally shat on

It's different, but emotional abuse is still abuse, and that's what this sounds like. Do you realise that? It's just as damaging as physical abuse, if not more so.
And this may be financial abuse too.
Can you tell us a bit more about how things are in your relationship?
Why are you only posting one-liners?

"why is he waiting on you and you are still on here

why arent you conversing with him over dinner

why are you leaving it all to him while you MN"

Lol. Good point. I'd say that was abuse. Maybe he was trying to make up by bringing her dinner and she ignored him by continuing on MN, just like she did when he kindly moved her dress. It's abuse I tell you.

(OP, I'm just playing their game, I don't really think you're abusing him)

Sorry not one liners deliberately. Am MNing on my phone whilst feeding and changing two kids for bed and hanging out laundry etc. not sat at PC ignoring him

He just came and hugged me and said "I love you ya know"
Made me really cross inside. Then why sit and watch me cry silently for over an hour?!

To explain a bit more about my finances - -

I'm currently filing for a DRO as my finances are fucked after being a student and having the children and not earning enough to cover my out goings.

A poster asked you some time ago why you have separate finances when you are a family. What's the answer?
And what's the state of your DP's finances?
Is it that he can't help you with the car costs, or your debt, or that he won't?

One third of couples have completely separate bank accounts, it's not that unusual.

His finances are ok. From month to month. If that makes sense? He earns a good wage for the area but also makes large repayments to prof grad loans etc. he doesn't have any left at end pf month and is always on his OD. he pays all our rent and bills.
All I pay for is my phone. House phone and car insurance. Plus any thing else I can afford, weekly shops or dog food etc

You need to both discuss money and your differing situations to move on in a positive way. Be sure of what you want and how you feel don't get caught up in the drama of a thread

You need to both discuss money and your differing situations to move on in a positive way. Be sure of what you want and how you feel don't get caught up in the drama of a thread

That kind of relationship - with kids - but having money issues regarding 'this is mine' and 'that is yours' doesn't sound like a happy environment to be living in.
You've had kids together!!
He is acting like a supreme twat.
Maybe I'm being too traditional, but I would expect to share finances if I got married/had kids with somebody.

Right, you are both stressed, and communication has gone in differnt directions. He is being passive aggressive rather than talking to you properly, and you are retreating and being emotional and victimy / martyrish.

You could:
Sit down, away from home, and have a conversation like adults about how you are BOTH going to manage your current (but hopefully temporary) money matters as equal partners, working together as a team to run your family. Also discuss how you each feel when things happen between you, how you would RATHER feel and how you could change your own behaviour to make the other person fel supported. Don't tell each other how you think they should change - tell each other how you yourself can change your way of communicating.

or

Try counselling, together

or

Try counselling on your own to look at your options and ways that you can look after yourself and work towards fighting for a relationship and communication that works for you.

You are both intelligent people - face this head on directly, together, and let your powers of communication, honesty and directness work for yourselves and each other.

As he is a Freemason and maybe he is experiencing financial difficulties which he is trying to hide from you, ask him to request a visit from the Almoner of his Lodge. What is his position within his Lodge? He may be under pressure if he is going through another (masonic) degree! Good luck!

I suffered physical abuse from my ex.
This is different.

Only slightly: emotional and financial abuse are still abuse.

useful links

She has said she is not being abused. Are you not going to stop till you've convinced her she is? There is no evidence that she is being abused, some of you need to stop projecting.

They are having some financial problems which I'm sure is affecting them both. She said he's making large loan repayments AND pays the bulk of the household outgoings, rent and gas, elec etc. Can anyone else say they've NEVER taken their worries out on their partner? I know I have, it's not nice but it's quite human to take things out on the very people you're closest to.

Also. Some MNers need to accept that on here you're only getting one side of the story, it's easy enough to cry LEAVE HIM, HE'S ABUSIVE BLAH BLAH BLAH, but you have no idea what his side of the story is.

She may well need to leave him, but we have no idea the history of this couple, it's crap how easily and quickly (I think the first post in this thread) the call comes to LEAVE HIM, HE's CONTROLLING!

fluffy, it's very common for the victims of abuse not to realise that they're being abused, or to believe that abuse must be physical.

And often they're not being abused.

Er...what?
Often the victims of abuse are not being abused?

Don't be obtuse, you know exactly what I meant. I mean quite often the people who are told on here that they're being abused are not.

Excuse me "notfullyatall" but it wasn't till i started posting little things about my marriage on here that it dawned on me that what i was sufferering from was emotional abuse.

And no, you don't kow it's abuse till other lovely mumsnetters point it out to you. I thank god ever day for mumsnet, and the blunt, no-nonsense advice i was given telling me how it really was.

Posters are trying to help the OP. You're not. Your just causing trouble.

sorry for thread hijack OP

You are being abused - sounds like he just doesn't want you to go back to work. He'd much rather you knew your place and stayed in the home doing his unpaid childcare for him.

was it a new dress he'd brought for you that he hung in the hall. Did he want a "thank you"?

Manipulative, comtrolling power games played out in emotional context to undermine a person's self esteem, self belief and confidence is emotional abuse.

Using bad language in a ranty row, being bad tempered, stressed and snappy, is not necessarily emotional abuse. Though i someone is taking ther stress out on you, it is worth finding a way to point this out and challenge it in a constrautive, assertive way.

It seems as if this is what is happening to the OP. In the absence of evidence of anything more sinister.

Op

I can see how thus can happen. You have small children, both exhausted, money worries; life can seem like one hard slog with no fun to make it worthwhile.

Can you clear the air? I think you need up 'have it out' with him and talk really, really honestly about your feelings. At the moment you are not communicating and are therefore 'arguing' in other ways - dresses, car tax, mumsnetting etc.

You have to keep talking to each - DP and I gave tough patches: three small children, working, money worries etc.

You also need to talk about your separate finances and work out a better way of managing things.

No doubt you'll do a grand job of convincing her she is. Just out of curiosity can you outline exactly why you can categorically state that she is being abused? No reading between the lines, just facts would be good

fluffy, i totally agree with you and understand what you're trying to say (if that helps!)