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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

most insensitive thing your XP/XH has ever said to you?

78 replies

chocoraisin · 26/01/2012 15:25

Today: 4 weeks post separation, he left me (pregnant) for OW. Came round to see DS who has been ill.

asks me to play outside with them both, because he 'doesn't mind sharing daddy time' and said 'the best times in the world are when we get to share our son'

WTF?? Apart from the times you get your leg over, now that you've LEFT me and your son.

Shocked, I reply, do you even miss him when you're not here? XH replies: 'Yes of course, but bizarrely I'm a lot less stressed and more relaxed these days'.

(I turned on my heel and left immediately) Wish I'd said: GOOD for you. You utter utter shit of a man. I'm glad that YOU feel better now you left us. Never mind your pregnant wife and child who are going through hell. As long as YOU feel more relaxed now I'm sure we can all be happier.

FUCKS SAKE.

Please share some other horror stories with me to make me feel less alone :( feel like I'm the stupidest, most unloved woman in the world right now while he's off playing with our son... feeling cheery as chips and totally unstressed by life.

OP posts:
Original poster
chocoraisin · 26/01/2012 16:26

davidsotherhalf... Shock I don't even know what to say... just Shock

OP posts:
LiarsWife · 26/01/2012 16:37

STBXH told me that I wasn't exciting anymore .. when we met I used to go clubing and had been traveling and skiing and now I just sit on the sofa and eat dorritos (size 12) .. I.pointed out that we had a child now and life moves on but he replied in a patronising tone 'you should try to get the old Liarswife back.. she was more fun'

GoingForGoalWeight · 26/01/2012 16:46

married the same B said the same thing to me after he fractured my rib. He hadn't beat me before but i still pressed charges against him, made me even more determind. Grin

blossom123 · 26/01/2012 16:58

When I told DP that I was pregnant he immediately stubbed out a cig and threw his drink away, saying well that is my life over. Trouble is I am still with the knob

GoingForGoalWeight · 26/01/2012 17:14

Oh they're coming back - still hurtful, the bastard - it is YOUR fault our baby is disabled.

AttillaTheMum · 26/01/2012 17:49

XP told me his ex was the best looking woman he had ever seen and he might fancy me more if I had a body like Jordan Grin

AngryAngryAngry at the 6yo rape what a nasty bastard

Original poster
chocoraisin · 26/01/2012 18:32

thought it might make me feel better that I wasn't the only one dealing with a knob jockey of an XH but truthfully now I'm just Angry that so many of us have had to put up with the cuntishness of immature stupid men/partners!! And in some cases, they are frankly just abusive and hateful individuals. I realise that women can be utterly heartless and crass as well (I applaud the OW in my life for being able to fuck my husband in a room filled with wedding pics, next to my son's cot for example - that takes something very special. Conscience of a mollusc perhaps?) but meh, I just despair at some people. HUGS to all of you.

My new theme tune is Kelly Clarkson's what doesn't kill you... girl power lol!

OP posts:
fraggle500 · 26/01/2012 18:43

That I was "Selfish, Childish, and Immature" for getting up set that he could not afford to buy me so much as a card for my birthday........ as he promptly went into a shop and bought him self two T-Shirts for £90!

AND on top of that said I was ruining the holiday, (we were away at the time) for everyone as would not let him hold my hand after he came out the shop with said items. ;-(

sleepysox · 26/01/2012 18:47

Dh said after my 4th miscarriage and going through my 5th- I thought you'd be used to it by now!

Reggaegirl · 26/01/2012 21:37

Ex P refused to come home from visiting his mothers (5 mins drive away!) when I was having a miscarriage / suspected ectopic for an entire day. When I became upset and angry and phoned him twice he picked up and said . . . . .

"You phoning me like this makes me not like you" Shock

Also -

"see your son when he is 16" Shock (yeah right)

and

"Your panic attacks are ... they are nothing. You can't use this as an excuse every year" (on the anniversary of my mother's death)

callow · 26/01/2012 21:51

XH had asked for a separation, but we had got back together a few weeks later just in time for a cruise that had already been booked.

On the cruise both dressed to the nines we wander over to the blackjack table in the casino. We take a seat and XH looks at me and says "I think you need to trim your eyebrows". The croupier who was standing there said to XH " I can't believe you just said that".

He came out with many more gems throughout but that was the worst as he said it in front of people.

33goingon64 · 26/01/2012 21:52

Bloody hell. These are bad. My DH said I was flatchested when we'd only been going out a few months. We were in a restaurant and I slapped him quite hard Blush. We got some strange looks. He hasn't said anything like that since Smile

emptygirl · 26/01/2012 22:03

"my role in life isn't to make you happy"
"I couldn't give a shit if you live in a bedsit, you're a nutcase"
"You're bone idle"
"What the fuck have you done with your life"
"You're a freeloader"...
"You're a waste of space"

Strangely enough I never got apologies for any of these remarks except that I made him say them out of frurstration.

There are some awful things been said on here.I'm sorry for all of us!

em222 · 26/01/2012 22:08

out of all these comments so hurtfull and rude that last one has shocked me the most i think id have been paralised with shock Shock

emptygirl · 26/01/2012 22:12

Em222, did you mean my comment?

marmiteandjam · 26/01/2012 23:02

Ex-Husband told me I was a freak for having epilepsy. That was the single most hurtful thing he ever said to me and still brings a tear to my eye even though it must be at least 6 years ago now.

Ratata · 26/01/2012 23:19

Ex boyfriends rather than ex husbands...:

"I wouldn't care if you died"
"I wish you dressed more like your best friend" (she wore cute sexy skirts and dresses, she was a 10 and I was a size 16/18 and preferred trousers)
"you're dumping me? You're lucky I haven't hit you"
"why are you crying?! STOP CRYING!!!"

Then found my prince charming who would never say that shit to me :)

theoldtrout01876 · 26/01/2012 23:58

"k call me when its gone" when I told him I was miscarrying. Then he hung up.We had been married 12 years at that point. I threw him out 3 months later,best thing I ever did :)

TotallyImmersed · 27/01/2012 00:00

My XP (my DS's Dad) once told me that I was a shit mother.. he was fucking me at the time..

HazelNutt · 27/01/2012 00:28

Have name changed for this as it would out me.
Alongside the fat (size 12 at my biggest), lazy, mental, useless, crap parent/partner etc comments the most hurtful were always child related.

'you favour DC2 as you feel sorry for them because they were born deformed' (yes. He actually said deformed. DC2 is not deformed, just has a medical condition that is treatable and being treated)

'You're happy DC1 has broken their arm as you're jealous that they are perfect and DC2 isn't' Hmm Angry

Dinkiedoo · 08/02/2012 15:02

My ex used to come and see my son every other saturday and we all use dot go for a burger as a family to give my son some "normality" UNTIL he turned round and said the on reason I came along was for a free burger !
This from a man who gave up work so he would not have to support his child .
I never went again or let him in my house .He picked son up at the door . I never had anything to do with him again , dam cheek !

Lynnlost · 08/02/2012 18:49

I once burst into tears of desperation in front of my uncaring husband, and said I couldn't see any alternative to leaving. Came the reply: "If you leave, who'll do the work??"

anonacfr · 08/02/2012 19:09

This thread makes me so sad. What turns (seemingly) normal men into such monsters? I can't think of any other way of describing some of the pricks you've described...

Thing is when you fall in love your spouse is supposed to be your favourite person, the one you can't wait to see at the end of the day, that you want to share silly stories with and have children with. How does it turn into this?

OnlyWantsOne · 08/02/2012 19:10

We've established he's a cunt.

OlderNotWiser · 08/02/2012 19:19

Hope its not inappropriate to tell this one given some of the awful things that have been said ( very Sad for all of you)

But just to raise a smile, an ex of mine once told me I was lucky to be going out with him since he didnt usually date women with a Bristolian accent. I was of course very humbled by his broadmindedness Grin