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Original poster

How often do you see your MIL?

85 replies

Susemyoli · 25/01/2012 15:00

Might be a cultural background issue. I see mine usually once a week for the past 14 years of marriage. But after my DD was born she turns up at my place 3 to 5 times a week. I am going mad

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/01/2012 15:03

What does your man make of her behaviour, is he aware that she is going to your house so often?. What has he said about his mother?. Do you let her in when she arrives, how long does she stay for?. What are her reasons exactly for visiting so often?.

Do you have a SIL; does she behave the same around this person?

Sorry for all the questions btw but more info would be helpful.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 25/01/2012 15:05

Too often! PIL live 10 min drive away. When DD was born PIL would turn up unannounced every other day when I was on maternity leave. Currently back at work and we see them at least twice a week. Am going on maternity leave again shortly and already plotting how to avoid them.

Hullygully · 25/01/2012 15:07

Not very. But then she is dead, which hampers things a bit.

PiousPrat · 25/01/2012 15:11

DP sees MIL every Sunday and takes DS3 with him. DS1&2 and I go 2 weeks out of 4 I would say. Quite often the elder DC have things on on a Sunday afternoon so I stop home so they can go out and do their own thing. MIL is far more interested in seeing DS3 than the rest of us anyway (Ds1&2 aren't DP's, in case it sounds like she is playing favourites) and she always sends goodies back for the elder 2. They just aren't very good at sitting down and making chit chat for 2 hours and MIL feels bad for dragging them over, but equally they are all family so we go over now and again as I don't think it does them any harm to do family visits on occasion.

exexpat · 25/01/2012 15:13

Three or four times a year, but the PiLs live about 400 miles away. Used to be once a year when we were living 6,000 miles away. For comparison, I now live about five miles away from my parents, and see them once a week.

Having my mother or MiL just turning up almost every day would drive me crazy. Is your DD still small? I think I'd start going out (or saying I was planning to go out) to mother & baby groups several times a week to put her off. Or maybe you need to have as tactful a talk as possible about how often she visits.

nagynolonger · 25/01/2012 15:16

Mine's dead too!

My own DDIL for about 20 min in the morning on the days I mind GC (I flow instructions to the letter). I get to see DS in the evenings. At weekends or holidays when ever they want to see us.

Lumiya · 25/01/2012 15:17

About once a year, but that's getting a bit too much, so I'm thinking of cutting it down.

If you basically like her and want to see her, but not as often - tell her. Or get DH to. Invent appointmnets, if necessary. Let her know she is welcome on Tuesday but not on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

takeonboard · 25/01/2012 15:18

once or twice a year and only if we go to her, she will never come to us.

She lives 10 miles away and is retired, in good health and has a free bus and tube pass...

bibbitybobbityhat · 25/01/2012 15:20

Probably about 5 or 6 times a year. They live 100 miles away.

mousymouseprice · 25/01/2012 15:21

about once a week for 10 mins via skype. they live 1000m away.

tb · 25/01/2012 15:36

Mine died before dd was born. When she was alive we used to go and see her for an afternoon once every 3 weeks. The afternoon visit could last well into the evening btw.

She didn't come and see us - she had agoraphobia, claustrophobia, ibs and various other phobias and hadn't been on a bus in over 40 years.

BellaVita · 25/01/2012 15:38

Never! Thank the lord. DH doesn't see his mum either.

twincrazy · 25/01/2012 15:39

NEVER......she is a total nutter...shame really for my DH and the fact she has only seen her granddaughter once when she was begged to come at 5 days old.

Can I ask where you are from?

Hulababy · 25/01/2012 15:40

See my parents and my PILs about the same - approx once a month, sometimes more, sometimes a bit less. Both sets live about 50 minutes drive away.

blondiep14 · 25/01/2012 15:45

Loads!
She usually pops in for a cuppa on Mon, we got to hers Tue and stay for dinner and we see her for a bit on Friday's too.
We live close by, I don't have use of the car and DS1 goes to pre-school near to her. She ferries us about and spoils us rotten.
Come Sept, DS1 goes to school, I should get a car and DC3 is due so things will get shaken up a bit.
Will still see a lot of her I imagine.
DS's love her, DH is close to her and I couldn't wish for a better MIL really.
We don't see eye to eye on everything and she sometimes drives me potty, as I'm sure I do her.
Gotta take the rough with the smooth but there's not much I'd change, apart from having my own means of transport so not so dependent on her help.

clicarhel · 25/01/2012 16:03

Mine is widowed, 75 and lives 100 miles away. She visits us about twice a year and that includes Christmas. Apart from the odd wedding and one-off family event/s, where we cannot help but see her, that's it. She is forever moaning that we don't visit her, but, to be honest, until she is too incapacitated to drive- she's in fine health now- that's the way it is going to stay because I really cannot stand the woman. As for my dh, if he wishes to visit her he can-I'd even go with him if that is what he wants. No problem, but as he never suggests going to see her, I certainly am not going to suggest visiting her.

OlympicEater · 25/01/2012 16:05

Every couple of years the best thing that my ILs ever did for our family was to bugger off to another continent

Northumberlandlass · 25/01/2012 16:19

Maybe once a year. She lives 10 minutes away. It suits us both

ginmakesitallok · 25/01/2012 16:24

Pretty much every day. She has the kids for me 3 days a week, I tend to see her on at least one of my weekdays off and we all go to hers for tea on Saturday. Luckily she is lovely and we get on very well. She lives 3 mins drive from us or 15 mins walk

KnitterNotTwitter · 25/01/2012 16:26

Weekly - she looks after DS after school once a week - they have a great time and then we all have dinner together and she heads off. Works nicely as she gets DS-time and we get to touch base without having hours to fill on a 'visit'.

thinneratforty · 25/01/2012 16:35

Once a year, I take the children on the way to or from my annual trip 300 miles to visit my relatives. DH didn't visit her at all last year. I feel bad, she's a nice enough lady and she adores the children, but it's very difficult when my DH doesn't want to see her. It's not like they don't get on, he just can't be bothered. She could come and visit us, but she's 70plus and isn't in the best of health. I don't know. I hope my children want to see me when I'm older.

LaTristesse · 25/01/2012 16:40

Mine looks after DS twice a week and then pops in at the w/e to see DH occasionally (although he'd rather she didn't). Personally I think she's lovely (for the most part) and an absolute godsend to have on the doorstep at times...

WaitingForMe · 25/01/2012 16:44

I see more of her when she behaves herself. For a long time there were guilt trips over how little she saw her Grandsons post DH's divorce because they're precious to her (as if DH isn't affected by how much less he sees of them and they aren't precious to him) and so it was strictly the day of the week she looks after them/picks them up from school and one weekend day a month.

But the fact we change the subject whenever she gets passive aggressive now has seen her start to grow up and realise the world won't revolve around her and we saw loads of her over Christmas. I even invited her over when it was just me and the boys and it was great.

It's rather like training a dog, you ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good behaviour

2wwmadness · 25/01/2012 16:49

bout 4 times a year. She has mental Heath issues and we have a strained relationship. I love her, she raised my dh after all. But she's not
My mother and some of her behaviour is in acceptable to me. She lives 2 hours away so Im not being rude. But I could not live in the same place as her as I couldn't hide my feelings from her for long. Due to her illness I have to bite my tougue a lot. Something I feel is not fair. 1st dc due in 3 months. Dh knows I won't hold back with her shit when our child is involved. Hes supportive btw. But still her only child so visits her more and pits up with a lot. It is honestly the only thing we really argue about. I could easily never see her again.
But will smile sweetly Nd cook a nice dinner when she comes instead

Beanbagz · 25/01/2012 16:53

I see mine more often than i see my own mother!

Approx. 2-3 times a week though there have been times in the past when i've seen her every day (she even moved in with us when they were between houses).

FIL died 4 years ago so it's lonely in the house for her. Plus she adores the kids and was a great support to me after they were both born (as she's a retired nurse/health visitor).

She's generally comes on holiday with us once a year too.

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