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Original poster

Anyone else scared of becoming a lonely old lady???

59 replies

Notcontent · 22/01/2012 21:25

Right, so I am supposed to be more positive in 2012 but not doing so great recently...

I am in my late 30s so nowhere near an old lady yet, but...
I spent my 20s and early 30s never thinking I would ever be alone or feel lonely. I had my parents, boyfriend (who became husband) and friends who were always there, wanting to get together on weekends, etc.

Then my life dramatically changed. I moved to London and then had a baby and my husband left me.

I am very close to my parents but they are not in London. And let's be honest, they will not be alive forever. I have no siblings. As I become older I have found that friends are so involved with their own lives and family that they are not never available and tend to do things with other couples anyway... So while I do have friends, I spend many weekends alone. I have a small DD but it just occurred to me the other day that in 10 years time or so she will have her own life and I may become one of those people who spends Christmas alone. I am not sure how this happened!

OP posts:

chubbasmum · 22/01/2012 21:33

im the same age as you and yes it does scare me abit at the moment my life is preoccupied with kids and work, i joined a dating site and do make time for dates and like you i do have friends they have their own lives and seem to do couple stuff in groups and i dont get invited because i might feel out of place or they do it in secret

chubbasmum · 22/01/2012 21:34

..... age group i meant to say

pennypencil · 22/01/2012 21:39

I think (hope) as dc get older, social life will gradually improve. Am an LP as well and I do think this sometimes, but there are lots of evening courses and other social things going on so opportunities to meet new people will increase as dc get older and you have free time yourself.

Who knows what will happen - you might meet a man, do voluntary work or just have a few hobbies/book groups/ whatever and get quite a nice social life going on

bodaba · 22/01/2012 21:55

Have had a very eventful life and now live alone; am much older than you so could fall into "lonely old lady" category! It's quite satisfying - no responsibilities any more to other people! Best of luck!

BrightnessFalls · 22/01/2012 22:03

I talk to myself sometimes and I do worry that might get out of control!! Work takes up alot of time and it is difficult to find people in the same boat to go out with. Its an age thing as well. Im too old for pubs and, as much as I enjoy eating out, its not a way to meet people and does nothing for my waist line!

The answer for me would be to move back to my home town but, I adore London. I dont find that its a place where you can just "pop" in on people though and, that worries me, the older I get.

lockitt · 22/01/2012 22:23

I'm in my early 30s also in London away from family and have spent many weekends talking to myself and cooking too much food for one.also had the xmas on my own panic that wasn't too bad.

I think meetup is a good place to start for groups.London can be a lonely place but its so easy to fill your time too

Original poster

Notcontent · 22/01/2012 22:50

Thanks for your input ladies.
Yes, I guess I will have more freedom to volunteer for things, etc in the future.

I just wish things were different.

OP posts:

crazynanna · 22/01/2012 22:52

I am 48 and alone and have just acquired a cat

ZZZenAgain · 22/01/2012 22:53

heck no, I really fancy it

BrightnessFalls · 22/01/2012 22:55

I am NOT getting a cat

I do worry that one day I am going to leave this city that I love and go back to my small town, simply because it would have been easier to stay here if I was in a relationship. That scares the hell out of me.

BelleDameSansMerci · 22/01/2012 23:02

I am 46. My DD is 4. I am LP. I have three cats. I am prepared.

Seriously, I think it's inevitable for me. I am not too worried about it. I've always assumed I'll be alone. Which, actually, is pretty depressing really.

Alphafemale · 22/01/2012 23:07

Don't you think you might meet someone else one day?

And as your child gets older nad more independent you can do things that involve you spending time with friends. Do you have many? And do you put an effort into the ones you do have?

I think it's very easy not to but I do on the basis that if I like someone it's worth making an effort to keep in touch and arrange to meet and so on (or even just email catch ups).

If you're only in your late 30s I think it's a bit early to be thinking about being a lonely old lady. But if you don't want to be alone then I think you need to take positive proactive steps to ensure you're not. And that means going out, making friends, dating etc.

Alphafemale · 22/01/2012 23:08

I quite fancy being alone though in my dotage.
I'd have a large flat to myself.
I'd never, ever cook, I'd either order in or eat out.
I'd be out with my elderly friends a lot.
I'd have sex if I felt like it, not if I didn't.

What's not to like? :)

BelleDameSansMerci · 22/01/2012 23:10

Alpha, why wait?

Alphafemale · 22/01/2012 23:12

Ha ha! Well, I'm very happily married, so wouldn't want to leave him or kill him or anything :)

And children still need me for a while yet.

It's probably not great that I've given it so much thought though!

ZZZenAgain · 22/01/2012 23:13

idea appeals to me atm but not if it means I have to have cats.

Spero · 22/01/2012 23:21

I know lots of people who are very lonely in miserable relationships. Being single does not mean you are a lesser person with a lesser life. It is up t you what you do with it.

I don't like the idea of growing old alone just because I can see how it might get more difficult to cope with shopping, cooking etc. But there are lots of other options. I bet I won't be the only one thinking about this. Why notpool resources with others in the same boat? Have some kind of commune, but without the weird sex.

Article in sat times says 30% of households are now single adults. We are not alone. I think it is time to get creative about solutions to avoid loneliness and make life easier and more fun. I moved out of London to get a house to fit in au pair but now I am wishing I had investigated more seriously a single parent house share or similar.

separated · 22/01/2012 23:22

Terrified.
Only just getting used to the fact that my marriage, been together 20 years, is over.
We're in the process of divorcing and selling the house.
But I am (only?) 38 (for another 3 weeks) and I still get asked for ID. My children are 13 and 15. I really hope that there is someone out there who will love me.

thenightsky · 22/01/2012 23:30

Don't discount anything. My mum is a lonely old lady. I live 90 miles from her and my sister lives much further (4 hour drive). She lives in a village in the yorkshire dales that used to be friendly and lovely, but slowly outsiders have bought all the houses and now she is the only one there on weekdays. Her health is failing and she dare not walk outside as her feet and spine hurt too much (arthritis) and she gets too dizzy due to artery/bloody pressure issues. I'm currently trying to get her out and into sheltered accommodation

I think the main contributory factor is failing physical health and inability to think quick enough to cross roads.

cece · 22/01/2012 23:31

I'm moving into the large empty flat next to alpha.

PishWife · 22/01/2012 23:32

I work with the elderly and want to testify that your marital status and number of/lack of offspring have no bearing on your chances of being lonely (although being married/having kids does perhaps increase your chances of having a loved one cooking your dinner for you, which may not always be a good thing.)

I meet people with 5 kids in the same town and a husband, who don't have anyone to listen to them from one month to the next.

I meet people who have been widowed for 30 years with no children who are partying hard and having a wicked time doing whatever they like and punishing their liver with impunity, knowing that they have reached their 80s and can bloody well go for it.

cece · 22/01/2012 23:33

Seriously though OP, if you don't like things, then you need to be pro active and change them.

Join a dating site, get out there and get a hobby! Put more effort into your current friends.

PishWife · 22/01/2012 23:33

Oh and the people who have no-one to cook their dinner attend heavily discounted lunch clubs or have meals on wheels - the puddings are amazing!

lubeybooby · 22/01/2012 23:35

Nah, I'm happy enough with my own company. Fuck it.

I would be delighted if the perfect man came along but I have such a long list of non negotiable 'wants' in a man it's seeming unlikely.

Meh. I have three cats. Bring it on :o

ThompsonTwins · 22/01/2012 23:43

I am 59, an only child and both my parents are dead. I have 3 cousins who live 400 miles away. DD is 17 and will go off to university later in the year. I still work full time and will do so for as long as possible. I have friends and two cats. Have been divorced for 10 years and have not found a man to love me, so I have given up with that. Instead I see friends, go running, read a lot and am considering doing an external Eng Lit degree (not OU). I am very lucky to live in a city with galleries, museums, theatres, cinemas etc. I don't want to be on my own but if that is how it ends up at least I will have plenty to do! Also want to start playing tennis again (indoor centre available here) and repair my French at evening classes. As long as I stay healthy...

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