Anyone else scared of becoming a lonely old lady???

[Notcontent]

Right, so I am supposed to be more positive in 2012 but not doing so great recently...

I am in my late 30s so nowhere near an old lady yet, but...
I spent my 20s and early 30s never thinking I would ever be alone or feel lonely. I had my parents, boyfriend (who became husband) and friends who were always there, wanting to get together on weekends, etc.

Then my life dramatically changed. I moved to London and then had a baby and my husband left me.

I am very close to my parents but they are not in London. And let's be honest, they will not be alive forever. I have no siblings. As I become older I have found that friends are so involved with their own lives and family that they are not never available and tend to do things with other couples anyway... So while I do have friends, I spend many weekends alone. I have a small DD but it just occurred to me the other day that in 10 years time or so she will have her own life and I may become one of those people who spends Christmas alone. I am not sure how this happened!

Helltotheno. I do see what you are trying to say but I do those things anyway I have smiled had a laugh and been happy but I am a non descript person

I am sick of listening to friends bang on about their problems and as soon as I even mention my problems no one wants to know.

so. No more. I dont mind my own company but im fed up with being overlooked.

I wont be passing this on to my eldest two because they are part of a large family on their dads side and not as socially awkward as me. My yoounger two have me and their dad and thats it.

It seems loneliness is the curse of the modern overpopluated world ironically enough. Most people don't live in groups and clans like hunter-gatherers do. Having a hubby won't save you from loneliness in old age, since women generally live longer than men.
Yeaaahhhh...what to do? Ideally, I'd like to live with a bunch other fun old ladies. We could be crazy cat ladies together!

Have just come back to this thread and it's clear that many of us are in the same boat...I agree that it's much better to be alone than in a bad relationship. And most of the time I am ok. It's just those grey sundays, when I wonder how it happened that I am not one of those people having a jolly lunch lunch with family and friends. But it's not so bad.

I think I have given up on meeting a man. In fact I feel like I am invisible to men. Strange, because I used to feel quite attractive and have certainly not turned into a monster. I have not been on a date or had sex in five years!!

I would come in to the category of 'lonely' and 'old', though I'm neither really. I have a large family in the same city and rarely see them. It used to kill me, all that, but do you know, I enjoy myself so much on my own. I have a great time. A while ago I went through a lonely patch - last child left home and I fell into a 'lonely' space. Now I'm out of it I realise that a lot of it was perception really. That 'everybody's having a wonderful time together' thing is a bit of a killer, though I remember having those thoughts on a summer day when I could hear a raucous bbq over the fence. I just don't feel like that any more though. I also had a thriving home teeming with people and suddenly just me. It takes getting used to but once you do it's the biggest treat imaginable. Everyone fears it but when you get to it you wonder what all the fuss was about. It's actually luxurious

You have to turn and face it though otherwise you spend your life pining and wondering what is wrong with you. There is very probably nothing wrong with you, aloneness is a very modern state imo - lots of people get to it for a variety of reasons, luck of the draw.

Hi Spero I also thought of cohousing when my kids were younger, did a bit of research but they were getting too old for it when the time came.

Meeting someone later on in life is a red herring as you're still likely to outlive him. You're just filling up a few of the "emptier" years but you'll almost certainly still end up alone. Just make sure your friends are younger so you outlive them.

Springydaffs - i agree that it probably is quite a modern thing and growing. Lots of reasons I guess - more people move around and don't stay in the same place as their family and schools friends, I think more men feel free to walk away from commitments, people live more insular lives. I don't know.

Anyway, I am going to embrace it!!!

Wotcher daffs!

I think there are different things going on here. I think we are naturally a sociable species and most of us do better with a reasonable circle of friends to hang out with, have a chat with. But that seems to translate down the line that we MUST have a significant other in order to express our social needs and this is the only really fulfiling way of being. I certainly feel that around my way; it is wall to wall marrieds and the only people to offer any kind of connection since I moved are other single women.

But being in a couple, as everyone has said, is not guarrantee that you won't live a lonely life and then die alone anyway. So I say YES to the mumsnet old peoples home. Lets all club together to buy a lovely mansion and pay people to cater to our every old and wrinkly need.

I am that woman in 10 years time. My DD is grown up with friends of her own and I rarely see her without friend or boyfriend in tow.

I don't have time for a bloke to be honest, what with my jobs, volunteering and college course. There are times I do feel lonely. Especially when work collegues tell me of their (seemingly) great social life..

Actually, just read your last post at 18:16. That IS me.