To text or not to text... that is the question!

[ginnyjeans]

Have been chatting with a guy I met through POF since Christmas. It's been pretty full on, we've flirted outrageously and we've been texting LOADS. Some days I won't send a text and you can guarantee a day later he's in touch saying 'your quiet'. We arranged a date and it didn't come off and last night he said 'you should have invited me over' so I called his bluff and said 'ok, come now!'. He lives 30/40 mins away. Anyway, long story short, he came to mine with a bottle of wine at 10.50 last night! He had to be at work the next day at 7am. Lovely bloke, we really got on, had such a laugh and at 1.30 he left without so much as a peck on the cheek and I thought ok, he's not interested.

THEN I got into bed, got a text saying 'thanks for a great night x'. So I sent one back and said 'Very fun, completely mad! Double bluffing all the way' and he asked if I had wanted something to happen. So I said I might have. He ended up coming back about fifteen minutes later and we kissed passionately for ages, didn't have sex but it was pretty HOT. Actually - totally HOT! He left at about three.

Nothing today. Normally I'd probably text him but now I'm being all pathetic and not. Should I just send him a friendly text or do you think I should wait for him?

I'm so useless at this dating game!!!

Aarrrrgggh. Maybe you're right Ample! You know I'm quite happy in myself, I'm not desperate for a relationship. I'm enjoying my single time again. What am I worried about!!!

I repeat...Do Not Text!!!!

ha ha ha. Ok!

He sounds quite fabulous actually. Sometimes you just don't know do you. Don't worry, just see where tomorrow takes you. And please please don't forget about us here
Good luck.

I'll let you know what happens! ;-) Thanks for the advice!

Ginny, he's probably sitting struggling with the same question.........

You invited a man you had never met before and who you only knew from text messages and emails over to your house where your kids were as well?

Sorry but that is insane.

The first and most important rule of meeting anyone from the internet is that you always do so in a public place and that someone knows where you are. always.

You had no idea who this bloke is. Just because his text messages say one thing and he has a facebook account that seems to check out means absolutely nothing.

By inviting this stranger (and it doesn't matter how many texts or emails you've sent, whether you've talked on skype or the like, until you've met you have no idea who and what he is) you have put yourself and more importantly and shockingly, your children at risk.

Maybe he's lovely, and maybe he's the one. But there are things that would ring alarm bells for me - not so much the not being able to pin down a date, but:

Him suggesting he come over to yours late at night - any decent man would suggest meeting in a public place, for you to be comfortable and at ease as much as anything.

For him to seemingly be happy to come over and have a passionate encounter on a first meeting with a woman while her children are presumably asleep upstairs in the same house. The man clearly has only one thing in mind - and your children appear to not factor in his thinking process.

If you'd just met in a pub and similar had happened I'd be saying stop playing games and just text him.

But as it is I think you need to just come back down to earth and get a bit of common sense.

My child had a sleepover that night actually, so was not involved. And yes maybe it was a bit mad but I did feel comfortable having him over as we have been chatting for quite a while and I've seen his Facebook, looked through posts from him and his friends and all seems normal. Its not something I would normally do at all but just seemed quite spontaneous and fun.

As it is, I'm not sure he wants to pursue anything as I thought to myself - normally I'd just text something fun pre-meeting and so I so I did this morning. He replied about an hour later with something fun back but didn't keep up the banter as he normally does. Said he had a hangover from last night and was going to work shortly. It just felt different and I'm normally switched onto these things. Sigh. I'll wait and see what happens but even if it goes no where it was still an incredibly fun and exciting night.

he might have a drinking problem, who knows, and is up and down in his mood. Tbh you can't expect someone to be always in a fun miid (esp with working on wekends AND with a hangover) - he might his fun self tomorrow. In a way that's why best left to him to take steps as at least he's in the mood when he intiates. He might still be good person/great lover, just not neccessarily consistent in moods.

mood not miid! arrh

sorry things didn't work out, and fair enough re your dc.

But just because someone's post seem genuine and they have what seems like a legitimate fb profile doesn't mean they are who or what they say they are. Please be careful.

I've done internet dating and ime the dynamics are totally different once you have met. All the remote contact will never predict how you both feel once you sit next to each other.

Next time, meet in a neutral place, don't even give out your address until you have met more than once. And when you have then remember, normal rules apply, let them do the running, which they always do if they like you. They like the good old fashioned chase, this still applies even if it is 2012. .

Good luck with it from now on, there are plenty more fish

Here is a handy flowchart that will tell you whether you should text, or not...

yea, it's a weird one because it's so full on before you actually meet. My friend used to internet date and I also said to her never give out your address, meet in a safe place. Not sure what went wrong the other night!! ha ha. I think if he was interested, he would have contacted me yesterday or said more this morning. I thought he was interested in me when he left but then he came back! Women. We over analyze I guess! Or maybe that's just me!! Rejection always sucks I guess!

I'd just leave him to it. He has your number and he knows where you are. If he is hungover his banter probably will be off. Don't get paranoid, just relax and wait.

exactly, Stay - it's too early to write him off, give him a day or two to breathe (and sober up).

Thing is internet dating is like that all fun and exciting before you meet, then you meet and for one or both there is no chemistry.

yea, that's what I think. If he was into me at least he would have text me last night or kept it up a bit today. And yea, maybe he just thought might as well have some fun out of it. Look, I'm not in love with the guy. But I did like him. The internet dating is just confusing. I'm not sure its for me. It's not unusual for us to have a day or two without texting but I think after he'd met me, if he was keen, he would have been bantering straight away. So yea, I think a no go.

Saying what I have said though, just sometimes men don't want to appear stalkerish (it can be such a turnoff), but there is a happy medium.

Maybe it is, maybe it isnt. In RL when I was younger, I found some guys tend to back off a bit with each next step as such. He left. Then he came back. He didnt have to did he? :)