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Original poster

Has anyone ever had a friends with benefits type relationship

57 replies

friendswithbenefits · 18/01/2012 16:04

Regular. Namechanger. All that stuff that means fuck all anyway

Has anyone ever had a friends with benefits situation that has developed into something more?

I'm in one, sort of, but it's starting to cross the line into more (which I'm happy with) but I don't want to push to hard either so I'm trying to hold back. But the bloke concerned is happy to have more, and looking for more than just sex.

So I was just wondering hoping that someone else had had a relationship that had started out like this and then became a longstanding DP thing?

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 18/01/2012 16:20

yes :)

we were friends with benefits for a few (6?) months before we admitted to each other that things were more serious. It's now 20 years later, we've been married for 10 years and have 4dc!

if you're both happy for it to get more serious, what's stopping you?

ImJustABloke · 18/01/2012 16:21

ImJustABloke... but my best friend was in a FWB with a girl and they later decided to give it a real go. It worked for a few months, but I can't count the number of times he came to me saying that he had mistaken sexual chemistry for something more. In the end they split up.

Just be 100% sure before you make the switch, cos either way it could mean the end to your FWB.

for what it's worth... I am completely against FWB. In my opinion/experience it'll only end in tears because no matter what you're getting from it, you're letting someone use you. imho, not a great recipe for success or respect

ButHeNeverDid · 18/01/2012 16:25

I have - it was awful.

I wanted more but was always too scared to articulate it. Eventually I felt really crap and worthless - was basically at his beck and call.

We had "the big showdown" where I told him what I wanted. It was not what he wanted. So I put a stop to all contact.

Met DH three months later - got engaged 4 months later and married with the year. Smile

Best thing I ever did as I would not have met my lovely, wonderful DH otherwise.

I think he regrets it though. I think he was too scared to just go for it. 6 years later and he still single.

ButHeNeverDid · 18/01/2012 16:27

Agree with Justabloke ....

It is actually not a very respectful way to start a relationship. I wanted a man who wanted a proper grown-up relationship. Not just the benefits.

Gay40 · 18/01/2012 16:29

I have, and it always worked out fine. Although a few people wanted more from it after a while, but I was always very honest from the start that it was not going to be a relationship.
(Some people think that means "give it time", however)

knockkneedandknackered1 · 18/01/2012 16:36

i had this kind of relationship once i,m sorry to say it ended in heartache. i thought he was living by himself in his house. it turns out he already had a girlfriend with a kid to her an they were living seperatley. i fell for him bigtime but then it all came out i dident no he was in arelationship he told me his relationship haden,t worked out i stupidly believed him it ended up me carrying his baby and me getting talked into having anabortion which i dident want to do sadly i regret it to this day luckly i have another child now an least im not damaged by having an abortion. but not saying itwont work out for you this is my experience.

Gay40 · 18/01/2012 16:39

See, that doesn't sound like a FWB situation. It sounds like a cheating lying bastard situation.

LifeOfKate · 18/01/2012 16:40

Yep, I'm married to mine Grin he was 24 when we met and didn't really know what he wanted and I'd just come out of a long term relationship. So we were really good friends first and just couldn't help ourselves with the benefits Blush
It went on for a good few years, neither of us met anyone else we wanted to be with and realised that it was each other who we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with Smile That was 4 years ago and we now have 2 dc and are happier together than we've ever been Smile

Cantthinkofafunnynickname · 18/01/2012 16:40

I have had a FwB and its been great - but we have both known from the start that it was a FwB and if we met any1 else we would knock it on the head. It all turned out fine, he met some1 and i was cool with it - although I did miss the fun times hard needless sex

Original poster
friendswithbenefits · 18/01/2012 16:43

Knockneed - I'm so sorry you got treated like that

To explain. We've been friends a long long time. I know there are no girlfriends/children or anything.

We have always hung out for want of a better expression. We still do. We are one another's plus one at weddings for example. We always did text or phone each other regularly - he will discuss work issues with me for example

But we shagged drunkenly by accident and since then we have been shagging almost every time we meet up.

Its now starting to drift into relationship territory with him coming to mine and I cook a meal and we watch a dvd, go to bed, he stays over. He texts me every night to say night and we speak on the phone most days

OP posts:
Original poster
friendswithbenefits · 18/01/2012 16:43

Knockneed - I'm so sorry you got treated like that

To explain. We've been friends a long long time. I know there are no girlfriends/children or anything.

We have always hung out for want of a better expression. We still do. We are one another's plus one at weddings for example. We always did text or phone each other regularly - he will discuss work issues with me for example

But we shagged drunkenly by accident and since then we have been shagging almost every time we meet up.

Its now starting to drift into relationship territory with him coming to mine and I cook a meal and we watch a dvd, go to bed, he stays over. He texts me every night to say night and we speak on the phone most days

OP posts:
LifeOfKate · 18/01/2012 16:43

X posts there, agree with gay40, that doesn't sound like fwb to me either! For a true fwb situation, everyone has to be in the know and in agreement on whether both parties are being monogamous or not.

Original poster
friendswithbenefits · 18/01/2012 16:45

My phone thought that was such a good post it posted it twice :D

OP posts:
Original poster
friendswithbenefits · 18/01/2012 16:45

My phone thought that was such a good post it posted it twice :D

OP posts:
LifeOfKate · 18/01/2012 16:46

Hehe, another x post! Sounds very promising fwb! Are you going to have a chat about it all or just leave it and see what develops?

supadupapupascupa · 18/01/2012 16:48

yes! i had a FWB for 4 years, both of us actively looking for 'the one' at the time.

we've now been married 3.5 years with one DS and another on the way Grin

sometimes what you think you are looking for is not that at all, and it is under your nose all along.

plus you can be honest with a FWB in a way you can't when you are in a relationship with someone. This provided a very solid basis for our marriage in the end.

paulapantsdown · 18/01/2012 16:50

sounds like more than FWB anyway already - he sounds like a nice friend aswell as a shag
he might be just be being one of those blokes who just take it for granted (in the nicest possible way), "well I see her all the time, call her everyday, and we are having great sex, so she's my girlfriend now i suppose"!

why don't you suggest a night out, rather than him just coming over - see if it tunes into a sort of date?

BertieBotts · 18/01/2012 16:51

Yes I think that sounds like a relationship developing from feelings which surfaced due to the drink on that one occasion.

Have you actually had a conversation about it being purely casual and neither of you wanting a relationship? I don't think FWB work too well if you care too much about the other person - it strays too much into "relationship" territory.

If you both want a relationship then you should go for it :) it doesn't have to be anything serious, you can always keep it casual for a while or even for a long time.

Original poster
friendswithbenefits · 18/01/2012 16:51

That's what I don't know kate

(Still on phone so if it double posts I'm sorry)

I'm kid free this weekend. He's coming up saturday going home sunday.

Its weird. He's hinting he wants more. And when I pushed a bit last night he didn't run a mile. And I know he's not seeing anyone else.

OP posts:
worldgonecrazy · 18/01/2012 16:54

I have had a couple of FWB relationships, but never expected them to turn into anything more and was quite happy when they came to a natural conclusion.

To be honest, if they had been the kind of men I wanted a relationship with then I wouldn't have chosen them as FWB. They were lovely guys, just not relationship material.

Sorry, that's not much help is it?

knockkneedandknackered1 · 18/01/2012 16:55

i guess i got fucked other then big time. but on a happy note i got other that now took me a long time an now i,m in a loving relationships and been with my partner for 11years. i still bump into that guy now and it brings it all back when i meet him we did start of as friends i was always there watching dvds having a laugth hed call me then we started sleeping with each other i dont no if this is friends with bennifits or someone who was out to use me more likely.

Original poster
friendswithbenefits · 18/01/2012 16:56

X-posts again.

We don't just text "are you free sat for sex" its much more boring than that

Well, sometimes its not Grin but mostly its just how was your day stuff

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 18/01/2012 16:57

Slight hijack, but worldgonecrazy, I'm intrigued by you saying that these guys were lovely but not relationship material. What's the difference? (I have rubbish man choosing skills and am interested.)

ImpatientOne · 18/01/2012 16:57

I had 2 FWB situations -although didn't develop into relationships, one turned out well in the end in that we are married to other people now but keep in touch, weddings, christenings etc! The other one not so much which I believe is because he wanted more...

Anyway, I think it's very feasible that it could turn into something more but I think that you need to actually talk about it - as tempting as it might be not to - because it could cause problems otherwise. I would hate to think that you are both viewing it in different ways and feel like you would be pretty gutted if he suddenly said he wasn't coming over this weekend as he has a date??? I know it's sometimes easier not to talk about it in case you don't get the answers you want but I think it would be worth it.

Ahh the memories of those carefree days... Grin Blush Grin

worldgonecrazy · 18/01/2012 17:01

Bertiebotts They were lovely men, but not someone I'd want to be with long term. One was a bit of a tart, great if you knew that, but I also knew that his roving eye would eventually kick in.

The other was a bit too sweet and unselfish - I knew that would drive me up the wall long term, but again, great when your ego needs a bit of a stroke following years of being made to feel shit

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