I've been with dh for nearly nine years and married for seven and a half of those. We've had our problems along the way but (due to me ignoring lots if things) we've generally done ok. However recently I feel really lonely and fed up and all the things I've buried and ignored are bothering me.
He has always been a difficult character in that he us very moody and prone to bouts of sullenness and sulking, the smallest thing can set him off for example I was on the phone once to a friend and our online grocery delivery arrived. She was upset so i carried on talking to her and he got the hump that I didn't help him and stormed out the house and drove to the shop to get some beer. At the weekend he went of on one because the Avon lady came and I asked him to answer the door and give her the money. I feel line I walk on eggshells with him.
The next issue is that he had an uneasy relationship with booze, I think he drinks too much and for the wrong reasons. It makes me uncomfortable but as I am not a big drinker I dont know if I'm making toouch of this?
Sex has been a problem for me in that I feel like we only ever have sex on his terms, when we first met he would freeze whenever I tried to try it on with him or try anything on him to the point now I only have sex when he instigates it and won't suggest any things to try as I don't like the rejection. My self esteem has been ruined as a result, he never kisses me or says he loves me or pays me compliments and he is only affectionate when he wants sex. I feel so unattractive.
Communication is dreadful, I can't discuss anything with him -literally. If I try and discuss something he finds difficult he'll walk away from me and refuse to discuss it whilst getting angry and defensive if I try and continue. I can't share my thoughts with him for fear if this rejection. When I had PND after DC2 he never asked if I was ok and how I was doing and when I had CBT for chronic anxiety he never once asked how it was going. We relocated here three years ago when DC2 was six months old and I had PND, I dealt with all the house moving stuff - estate agent, solicitor, removals etc. He didn't/couldn't do it and I felt so resentful that I had to do it all with a toddler and newborn. When I phoned him crying because our dreadful purchasers were being a pain he had a go at me and put the phone down on me, he called me two hours later drunk and expecting things to be ok.
I have been on anti depressants since the end of November for chronic anxiety, I feel so much better but now I reel Luke this I wonder how much of the anxiety is due to him or is it me?
I feel sad to think this is what the rest of my life be like and when my three children leave home what will I have left :(