New partner just admitted he suffers from schizophrenia

[Biancosmum]

My 6 month partner just said that he suffers from paranoiac schizophrenia and is under strong medication and care for it . It left me me numb and still very unsure of how to react and what implications it would have long term if we did start a family together. Anyone with relevant advice or has been through something similar please?

Clearly the past six months have gone well, and is medication works. I fail to see really providing he stays medicated why it would have any effect on your future.

I agree with fabby. Obviously you haven't seen any negatives so I wouldn't go making a big deal out of it and creating problems.

Number 1 and this is a minor point - I don't really like using the word "admit" in relation to mental health problems. It makes it sound like you think the person has done something wrong or bad.

Number 2 - I wouldn't worry about it at this stage. His medication is clearly working.

What have the last six months of your relationship been like? How did you get together?

Have you spent a lot of time together? Six months is still quite early to be deciding that you want to have children with someone. Clearly you didn't know him that well if his illness has just come to light now.

Well... It is a serious illness, And although I agree I don't like your use of the word 'admit', I think it's ok that you are questioning things and thinking it through.

Firstly, a third of people who have a schizophrenic episode never have one again. A third have occasional episodes, and a Third live with it through their lives. Obviously having children with someone in the first box is a different prospect than someone in the third. I think you need to talk about how many episodes your partner has had, and how long he has had this illness.

People who are having a schizophrenic episode often have delusional thoughts, or hear voices, or have unusual or paranoid beliefs. They may create / find themselves in vulnerable situations because of this. It would be hard for them to work, care for kids etc while I'll. But remember anyone can get I'll - it's the same kind of issues you'd be facing if you were with someone with diabetes or heart disease - it might rear its head, it might not.

The meds for schizophrenia are powerful, and can have unpleasant side effects, including sexual side effects. If your partner is on meds long term it might be worth discussing.

Finally - SOME people think there may be a genetic vulnerability to schizophrenia whic could mean some people could inherit an increased risk of getting the illness. That does not mean your children would get it but it might mean that in certain circumstances their brains might be more vulnerable to a schizophrenic episode. This is a controversial issue, and not everyone thinks there is a genetic factor.

Remember through all this your partner must be a good man who you like if you have been together 6 months and considered children. He is not just a diagnosis. Many people are with partners with health problems - and you could marry a healthy man tomorrow, only to find him diagnosed with cancer next week. So consider the whole person - not just the schizophrenia - when you think about the future of your relationships.

My stats came from mind (mental health charity) - here

I think Abirdinthehand sums it up brilliantly

You do need to find out more, it would be silly not to. But it doesn't mean end of relationship.

Before committing yourself to this man, you need to know more about his history than the past six months.

I would suggest you inform yourself as much as possible about how a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia can impact on the sufferer as well as their loved ones and those around them.

To this end I would suggest you read this article www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia and speak to his carers/medical advisors about his long term prognosis prior to making any decision as to whether to continue or end your romantic involvement with him.

Have you met any of his family or friends who you can talk to about this? I've had horrible experiences with a psychotic partner but I would still agree wholeheartedly with abird.

It's just as izzy says, forewarned is forearmed. I wasn't.

I would echo what tallwivglasses said.

Really, HereIGo? You know how horribly prejudiced that sounds, right?

Lets not forget HereIgo that there are many men who DO have a major mental illness and who are/are not abusive. As long as he's not abusive op; that's the main thing. A man could have a mental illness but as long as it's controlled and he's not abusive or narcasistic I don't mind.

I'd be worried that he's kept quiet about this for six months until the OP is at the point of thinking about having a long term relationship and children with him. Wrong way round.

Well on the whole I agree with abird.But I have a good friend who had a partner with p.s. for many many years.Things were fine while he was on medication,but sometimes he would feel over confident,think he was fine without it,and not take it for a while.Then it was horrendous.He had a major episode while they were on holiday and for my friend,trying to get him help while he was then taken into a North African mental hospital was very grim. He also attacked police officers and was at times a danger to himself and to others. I also have another friend whose father had ps,and his episodes were very frightening for her and did really ruin her childhood.She has big problems as an adult as a direct result of this. DH comes from a family with a lot of Mental Health issues and his uncle has ps,it is a worry for us and we talked to docs before having the dcs,we were told that they have a slightly increased risk,but as DH is fine,the risk was low enough that we decided to go ahead. I would be very very cautious before having a child with someone with Schizophrenia.As abird suggested I would find out a lot more about the history of his illness and the pattern,and get to know him over a long period of time.

Remember though hellymelly that many people only ever have one episode. Schizophrenia does not always blight someone's life forever.

I have a major mental illness I have Borderline Personality Disorder, some of it is treated with the same meds as the OP;s boyfriend is on does that mean Im not entitled to be with someone and happy.

95% of the time I am normal but then what is normal, your version or mine?

He is obviously stable or she would have noticed something amiss, everybody deserves to be happy irrespective of health issues be them mental or otherwise.

Thunderbolts: the bloke has probably learned that it's not first-date conversation if you ever want to get as far as a second date. And given the tendency of most people to run a mile at the thought of mental illness, it's actually fair enough to want to give a new potential partner time to get to know you as a person before discussing your health problems. It's not like he waited until the OP had married him/become PG/got a mortgage with him before telling her.
OP: inform yourself as much as possible and yes, see how it goes. You might find he has other qualities that you can't live with and decide to walk away anyway. Equally, he might decide he doesn't want a long term relationship with you. Life doesn't have any guarantees.

The OP hasn't said whether there was something amiss, or what he has been like in the relationship so far.

Id certainly not tell someone at the start of a relationship about my illness I might not even tell them at all!

One of my closest friends has schizo-affective disorder, for which she is medicated.

She is a brilliant and successful woman, much liked and admired, and a loyal, loving and steadfast friend.

She does sometimes suffer periods of being unwell, but she is more than the sum of her diagnosis.

A MH diagnosis is not the whole of a person, not does it define their whole life. I do understand why you would be wary of such an illness but do try not to judge him on that alone, but on him as a whole person, IYSWIM.

Hi I think you need to ask how many psychotic episodes he has had. The more the more chronic it becomes...rule of thumb if person only ever has one then after 5 years chances are may never have another and medication is reduced. So someone may have schizophrenia and remain symptom free on medication. Although they say no link, twins are more at risk if one has it and then siblings risk reduce further...I usually see more 'males' in families have it. Paranoid schizophrenia is by the far the most disturbing as they with get thoughts or voices to either kill someone or themselves (mainly kills/hurts themselves). CBT and medication and having 'early signs' to get in fast and stop early symptoms before relapse also helps. Stress is a trigger, but just stress as in hormonal changes can cause relapse also.

The biggest worry you have is if you have children...ie my ex gran had paranoid schizophrenia, her son BiPolar, my ds autism and ds dad well God knows a bit of everything including several PDs.

However ds was fine and it was the stress of MMR that set the autism off...maybe it would have progressed slower over time instead of hitting ds like a bomb:( Autism used to called 'childhood schizophrenia' it has similar symptoms and the sensory probs are the opposite way round to hallucinations...definitaly a 'cousin' in my book and I have studied it for a few years now!

If you are to have children I would consider going gluten and dairy free and keep the dc gluten and dairy free until at least 6 years old and dont give all the jabs at once to reduce stress of developing anything and just do the normal loving bonding thing.

But find out how his illness presents when unwell...find out 'early indicators' so you can get him help to stop relapse but otherwise he is a man the same as the next so to speak.

I do think there is a genetic component to some types of schizophrenia: one of my best friends has one of the schizoid disorders (don't know which one) and her brother has major MH problems as well, and so did one of her uncles. So it could be a problem if you and this man did decide to have DC. I don't get the impression you were actually seriously considering TTC right now before he told you, though, but if you and he do decide to commit long term and think about a family, I would advise talking the whole thing through with his health care professionals and seeing what they say.
But right now, you're still dating, which is the stage when you're finding out about each other in general: you don't have to decide it's make or break this very week. See how it goes, and good luck.

Well. my husband has schizoaffective disorder. Honestly? I would think more than twice before having children with someone with a major mental health disorder.

My husband is lovely, and that's the most important thing. So is the son that we have together. But lack of routine, irregular sleep and stress are not good for his illness. What do children bring with them....? My dh has been ill a lot in the years since our son was born. Life is very very tough sometimes tbh.

My son, I believe from things I have heard/read, has a 5 - 10% chance of developing schizophrenia. That is just an awful thought, and sorry if it sounds prejudiced to other posters, but I wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy. All I can do is think that he has a 90 - 95% chance of not developing it.

I would want to have some serious chats with him, his family, friends. Honest talks about how things have been in the past, what has triggered episodes, if any, and how he deals with them. What support has he now? what about past support, and what happened to it? I wish him well, and you. Inform yourselves.

Prejudice, yellowraincoat?

HIG is not advocating anything that I wouldn't tell my dc because entering into a relationship with an individual who is afflicted by paranoid schizophrenia is not something that should be undertaken lightly.

It is, of course, an entirely different matter if an existing partner with no previous history of mental illness is diagnosed as being a sufferer but even in such cases I would advise that self-preservation should take priority over any other consideration because some paranoid schizophrenics can on occasion believe that their self-preservation depends on the physical elimination of others.

Honestly - I think it IS a big deal and a lot to take on (just as a serious, chronic and heritable PHYSICAL illness would be in a potential partner). Six months is very early days and no one could blame you for bailing, if that's what you choose to do. Get as much information as you can - Rethink, Mind and Royal College of Psychiatrists websites may be helpful - and go from there.