Debate with hubby::

[liverLadyLass]

Ok, so how long does it take for you to get ready???
we argue over this all the time,
I will take an hour, my DH seems to think this is too long and I'm a bit selfish as he will need to wait on me as he only takes roughly 15mins, he's in and out n dressed, and constantly moans at me about doing my hair, makeup etc,because it takes to long,,, I also have two kids at eight and three, and they are not easy getting ready! He will help out with the ironing or run a bath for the kids but I get them all sorted mainly.. I'm feeling that he just does not like me spending anytime on myself whatsoever and I've told him this.. He says I'm being silly and that I'm just not considering him? I have explained on numerous occasions that woman don't just jump in a give there balls a wee wash and that's them sorted! And that Im not prepared to just do that! (jump in and out) because I like to look after myself, am I inconsiderate, do I take to long? Honest opinions please ?

It takes you the time it takes you. What business of his is it?

About half an hour. It got shorter and shorter with practise.

DH needs to 'drip dry' and 'cool down' after showering it annoys the hell out of me because we are always late to everything.

I find myself getting less annoyed if I nag him to start getting ready earlier i.e he showers about an hour and a half before we need to go anywhere and I get in after. I'm still sat waiting about for him.

Why does you taking an hour to get ready affect him to the point of him bitching about it? Why does he care?

Get ready for what? If we're going to the shops, then perhaps as long as it takes for me to throw my shoes and coat on.

If we're going 'out' out then I can take about 15 minutes to get myself ready to go out if I'm putting makeup on. I don't shower/bath just prior to going out, I'd do that earlier.

I don't include doing things for my DD in 'getting myself ready' - getting her ready to go out is a completely separate thing.

Everyone is different though. Quite often DH takes longer than me to get ready.

If he's moaning because he's waiting around and you're making the pair of you late for things or cutting it fine because you're taking an hour, can you not leave the kids to him (after all, anything to do with them should be a shared job anyway, him being left to parent them alone for a bit when you do whatever isn't 'helping out', it's doing what a parent SHOULD do) and start getting ready a bit earlier?

15 mins.
DH 15 mins

My dad. Over an hour.

Everyone is different

He says I don't consider him or the kids, after sorting the kids I then get myself organised and within all that time he's in and out of the room or peeking around seeing what I'm doing? Feel as tho he's watching to see if ‘I'm pussy footing about' his words! It really annoys me as it's the only me time I get!!

Again, what business is it of his to judge?

He would get right on my tits. Tell him to bog off and leave you in peace to get ready. My DH has NEVER commented on how long it takes me to get ready and usually brings me up a glass of wine to help me on my way!

me on my own? i can be ready in 15mins at a push to get ds to nursery, we have to leave at 8am. weekends or non-nursery day it takes me 30-40mins cause i help out/referree the kids but i have 3 under 4yrs.
the weekends are my time off too so i'll make the most of getting ready without having to keep an eye on the kids.

Who cares how long it takes as long as you are ready on time? If you are going out at 8 and you are ready by 8 what's the problem?

I can be showered, hair washed and dried, make up and clothes on in half an hour but that is only because i now have short hair, when it was really long I could easily have taken an hour

If taking an hour includes getting the kids ready, then you're doing a great job - why doesn't he help?

Depends isnt it ? Just nipping to Sainsburys to get a pint of milk if you spend ages to wear makeup and dress in some posh frock then yes you are being unreasonable.

But if you are heading to dinner then I would say as long as you both have agreed on a time to depart house and you manage your time properly and get ready at that time, your DH should mind his own business.

here's a better question - why the fuck is he "in and out of the room or peeking around seeing what I'm doing?" ?
why the fuck, if it takes him less time to get ready, isn't he sorting out the kid and getting them ready?
Why are you doing all the childcare in this situation?

"after sorting the kids I then get myself organised and within all that time he's in and out of the room or peeking around seeing what I'm doing?"

That's control, that is, and it's not ok. So is this: "I'm feeling that he just does not like me spending anytime on myself whatsoever "

This is criticising: "Feel as tho he's watching to see if ?I'm pussy footing about' his words!", "my DH seems to think this is too long and I'm a bit selfish"

And this is discounting: "I've told him this.. He says I'm being silly"

Basically, your husband is not treating you with kindness and respect on this score.

What are you going to do about it?

It'sme.. This is the problem I'm having??

When were at home on a normal day we all get up in the morning and I get my eldest ready for school and he'll get himself organised, then they will go off to work/school then I'll clean up and get my dd ready and myself ready then take her to nursery so it's not really a problem then!
But we were just away and every bloody morning he would moan at me that I was taking to long know this is getting up at 8:45 and having me and the kids ready and out for ten,, and he still moans which resulted me not doing anything other than getting a shower and getting dressed to shut him up?! One time we slept in after getting bk late from Disney and we didn't het up till eleven and because we weren't ready till one o'clock I got it, fine he ironed the kids clothes but I did everything else, I went out with damp hair it really pissed me off,, he's like this at the weekends to.. When he's off work and were going somewhere, even when I'm up early so I can dry my hair and put some makeup on , it's like I'm wasting time doing this..
If I left him to get the kids ready whilst I got ready he'd say ‘will what are you going to be doing whilst I'm doing that' can't you just not do it ( hair ) so we can get out!?
It pisses me off, it's like I shouldn't be wasting time on myself because he doesn't, he says I'm just inconsiderate that he has to wait on me? Am I inconsiderate?

If he's so quick at getting ready then if he takes over sorting out the kids, you'll all be ready at the same time!!

A perfect solution for him!!

Your DH would hate me - I spend at least an hour a night in the bath with a book and a glass of wine once DD is in bed!

If it's just 'normal' going out either to the shops, work etc I can be ready in 15-20 minutes.

If we're going out for the evening I'd probably take about an hour/hour and half.

On the rare occasions we go out somewhere special/'grown up' together DD goes to the GP's for a sleepover at about midday and I'll spend the whole afternoon wallowing and faffing about. DH is a bit obsessed with being punctual but I just make sure I know what time he wants to leave so I'm ready 5 minutes before and all is well.

I couldn't stand someone constantly checking up on me and commenting like that - there would be a serious row!

You are not being inconsiderate.

He is being controlling, critical, and dismissive.

What are you going to do about it?
It's your choice.

Here are a few possibilities to get you thinking:

• Ignore his twattery.
• Tell him it upsets you when next it happens.
• Do NOT get drawn into conversations justifying yourself. You have nothing to justify here.
• Don't expect him to recognise his twattery - just state your own feelings on the matter - but celebrate it if he does.
• Examine whether this kind of twattish behaviour has echoes in other areas of your life.
• Decide whether you are willing to put up with it or not. And choose the consequences if you are not, and stick to them. Consistently.

Maryz
Hi, I get them all organised then I jump into the shower and get my sorted, and it'll take me around half an hour to get myself sorted,, I don't know how else to do it as they will be bored otherwise were if I do it this way they will be happy chilling out or having a bite to eat before we go, were as when my DH is there I feel he rushes me as they annoy him for things and he just wants to go!

I'm a bit slow on replys sorry guys I'm picking kids up...

I think it's one of those things which men will never fully understand.

It takes my DP an inordinate amount of time to get ready. In the mornings, I can be ready in less than 10 mins. It will take my DP literally an hour and we often bicker about me always having to sort all three kids out whilst she literally just sorts herself out.

If it's a formal occasion/night out then it'll take me 20-30 mins including a shower. For her, it's an all day job. Plucking, preening, shaving (not necessarily in that order) and of course putting slap on. At the end of which, the bedroom is a mountain of clothes and tripwires from various hairdryers, straightener's etc.

The main thing which frustrates me though is if we need to be ready at say 7pm, i'll always make sure I'm ready 10 mins before hand, she'll be ready at 7.05pm.

Argh! lol

niceguy2 - i think though, that you've illustrated the point really well when you say "we often bicker about me always having to sort all three kids out whilst she literally just sorts herself out."
liverLady has the same problem - except it takes her ages to sort herself out AND she has to do the kids every single time too.
he never, ever helps out, and then complains it's taking her ages to get ready!

Seems like the obvious solution would be for him to get in the shower first while you iron the clothes, when he gets out you get in and he can get himself and the kids ready while you sort yourself out.

He's the inconsiderate one, expecting you to go out feeling half dressed, if he got the kids ready instead of you it wouldn't be an issue at all.

If you're making everybody late by spending an hour getting ready, then I could understand that being very annoying for a partner.

If he's looking after the kids all day and you then take a further hour of solo time to preen while he's looking after them, then I can understand THAT being annoying.

Otherwise, why is he so upset about something so trivial?