Debate with hubby::

[liverLadyLass]

Ok, so how long does it take for you to get ready???
we argue over this all the time,
I will take an hour, my DH seems to think this is too long and I'm a bit selfish as he will need to wait on me as he only takes roughly 15mins, he's in and out n dressed, and constantly moans at me about doing my hair, makeup etc,because it takes to long,,, I also have two kids at eight and three, and they are not easy getting ready! He will help out with the ironing or run a bath for the kids but I get them all sorted mainly.. I'm feeling that he just does not like me spending anytime on myself whatsoever and I've told him this.. He says I'm being silly and that I'm just not considering him? I have explained on numerous occasions that woman don't just jump in a give there balls a wee wash and that's them sorted! And that Im not prepared to just do that! (jump in and out) because I like to look after myself, am I inconsiderate, do I take to long? Honest opinions please ?

To be honest, an hour sounds excessively long to me as well. What are you doing in this time? It takes 10 minutes to shower, 5 minutes to dry hair, 5 minutes to get dressed, and that's taking your time. I appreciate I'm a slob and probably not representative of the average woman, but even if I double the time, that's still only 40 mins of work. 7 times a week, one hour to get ready, that means you spend an entire working day a week on just grooming yourself.

Of course he should help getting kids ready, but that's another matter.

niceguy do you find your DP attractive when she gets ready like this? Just wondering because all the men i know who moan about women 'taking ages' are the ones who like them to look groomed and attractive. So i don't understand how they think that transformation happens.

All my partners appreciated the effort i put into looking nice, for myself as well as them.

OP i suggest you let him get the dc ready. If he says and what will you be doing? say getting ready. Why does he care?

MaryZ is right

My DP annoys the hell out of me when he complains I take too long to get myself and DS ready, so I've decided I'll need to get out of bed early and get myself ready before everyone else, then I'll get DS ready whilst DP gets himself showered and dressed.
It doesn't seem fair, I know, but I'd rather do that than have the scenario you describe with DP hanging around "waiting for me" - drives me mad!

45 minutes if I shower, wash and dry hair and get dressed with lick of slap.

1 hour if going out for evening.

In our house I get ready first, then get DS ready whilst DH gets ready. Sometimes DH will get DS ready.

I think if you're organising yourself first as per Maryz then really it's just that your husbands being a twat.

BTW if I go out for an outing with damp/shit hair God help everyone because that's a major way to piss off my whole day

Get him to get the children ready while you get yourself ready. Then there will be very little waiting around (if any) and you'll probably knock at least 30 mins off the time you need to get out the front door.

He sounds a prick though, sorry

My DH wouldn't DREAM of giving me shit for putting my makeup on or doing my hair etc. He doesn't care if I do or not, but he knows I feel shitty if I go out barefaced/ungroomed so he's not bothered if I take a bit of time. It's not normal to harass someone about their grooming or try to control how long they take.

Nickel, I understand but I'm just mindful if OP's DH was here, I bet he'd be saying that he helps get the kids ready too.

Of course he should help out. In my case it does get frustrating trying to juggle getting three kids ready when she's just in the en-suite humming and slapping warpaint on before coming out and wondering why I haven't made her a cuppa!

@Spuddy. The thing is, I ALWAYS find my DP attractive. Even when she's just woken up with morning hair and bad breath. Whilst I appreciate that she looks a million dollars when she's fully made up, 99% of the time she's just going to work or we're going out with friends whom we've met 1000 times before. So losing her for 2 hours whilst she's getting ready does get tiresome. You can put a bit of lippy on in seconds. We don't notice the rest....it's just a waste of time for us blokes!

you might find her attractive however she looks, but she needs to be made up and groomed to feel like she looks attractive (not necessarily attractive, but human,at least - I personally don't care as long as I'm clean, but a lot of women feel scruffy if they're not properly groomed)

I can be ready in about 10 mins if it's just a case of shower, brush teeth, put clothes on, and run comb through hair. Somewhat longer if I need to wash/dry my hair. But then I don't wear makeup or have any elaborate routine for hair or skin or anything.

Don't see why it matters though, as long as it's not making you late for anything, take as long as you need. I agree with others that maybe he could do more to get the children ready - then he isn't waiting around doing nothing, and you'll be ready sooner because you don't have to spend time getting them sorted.

niceguy it is how you feel not just look. And wouldn't life be boring if we didn't make occasions of things, even if they are friends we've met hundreds of times etc. She probably feels more sexy too - which can only be a bonus.

And i must disagree with your generalisation, my exH and my current DP noticed/notice everything when i get ready for ages. Commenting on different styles of eye makeup, hair style, clothes, shoes etc.

Also 'losing her for 2 hours' before you go out? Is she supposed to be entertaining you or keeping you company? What else should she be doing with that time in your opinion?

niceguy sorry just saw you have 3 dc, so yes i suppose 2 hours could be frustrating. But do you not take 2 hours in the week for yourself?

DP and i have no dc so we don't have anyone else to look after

In total it takes me at least 1 hour and a half to get clothes for me and the kids ironed, bathed n dressed, mine and my daughters hair sorted and organised to go out, my daughter has very bad skin in which she has to be fully creamed head to toe with two types, twice a day and she's three so it's a bit of a fight/struggle trying to get this as she hates it, my son is eight but still I have to finish dressing him or he would look scruffy,whereas my hubby would just let him be as he was,, my son likes to argue about being told to do things (typical eight year old) so it takes forever to get him organised to,, I get them to sorted then give them there breakfast so I can get ready or I would be up and down the stairs and would never be ready.. And I kind of feel that they should be organised first, mainly because I'll not feel bad that I'm getting myself sorted first, and my dd is three, this way she will be occupied whilst I shower, (she gets into everything) I can't figure out another way to do this.. My hubby during weekdays gets himself organised in the mornings an I the kids,I don't mind as he's going to work but I expect him to help if he's off At the weekends which he does if I ask him to, I do expect him to help with getting the kids ready at the weekends and sometimes he will say he has to run the work and won't come bk till were organised and I sometimes feel it's a bit of a coincidence.. But he says I should just take his word for it that he needs to be there, I feel he does this so he doesn't have to help as he has said it's because I also take to long, if there is a time we need to be out I'm ready for that time, he'll say to me things like ‘r your not doing your hair are you' and huffs if feel as because he can't be bothered making an effort why do I kind of thing.. I've stood my ground but I think it's just one of those things I will have to put up with I just wanted someone else's opinions of other people, as I was curious to see if I did pussy foot about,, I'm needing help I think with the routine thing for the mornings, I don't get anytime to go out with friends or bingo or the gym and I'm not complaining but I like to make myself look nice for the day or if I go anywhere, as it makes me feel good, so I've decided I'm not going to come and go on that just try to organise myself better,any suggestions would be appreciated,

I'm clearly doing something wrong. It took less than an hour to get me and the DSs ready for my wedding....

Look everybody is getting ready at their own pace.
And will put a different emphasis on different things.
I do tend to be ready very quickly (less than 15min to get dressed etc...) but I don't have a shower, I don't do make up and I never dry my hair.
On the other side, I do really like to take my time to have breakfast, clean the kitchen, have the dcs ready so, on a school day, I will be up at 7.00am to leave at 8.45am.
And even then I have actually started to get up earlier to have some time 'foir myself' and prepare/have my breakfast at a very slow peace.
This is my way to start the day and I woiuld be very unhappy if DH was commenting/judging my way of getting ready in the am.

Having said all this, my DH has been exactely like your DH. Sorting himself out first, leaving me sorting the dcs. He was then waiting for me, getting annoyed because 'I' wasn't ready.
My trick has been to stop listening to him, ignore his remarks. Then start by looking after myself and then coming round asking if everything was ready.
If during the week, you have your own organisation when he isn't getting involved, fair enough. But during the weekend, I would put him the position where he has to do his share re the dcs. There is no reason why he can't look after his dd whilst you are having a shower. It is your joint responsability to ensure that she isn't going into mischief during that time.
I would aslo agree on a time to be ready, review what needs to be done (so both dcs sorted etc..) ans then everyone gets on with it the way they choose. This way he has no right/reason to be so judgemental.

Sorry, I meant that you are sharing equally what needs to be done and then getting on with it your own way.

lady i have 4 kids, 3 under 17 months and if i was going to a wedding or something, i would have to start the preparations the day before! no way could we be ready with 6 people to bathe in one morning, let alone one hour! i tend to just throw clothes at my dp, ie, put that on dd2, that on ds, and tell him what needs doing ie, put some nappies in the pram bag etc. if he dared to say i take too long getting everyone ready, while he just had to get himself ready.........can feel my blood boiling at the thought! he knows better than to even think it. and to be fair he does ask- after he is ready- what he can do to help.

if i just had myself to get ready, it would take me at least an hour, as i dont do anything day to day, so showering, shaving. plucking, moisturising, drying hair, straightening, make up, dressing. before kids, he just use to get ready, leave his shirt off (so not to crease it) pour himself a drink and watch telly until i was ready- no bother.

if i was you, i would do one of two things- take longer and really make him have something to moan at. or just hop in the shower, get ready in the fastest time ever and then declare ' im ready'. and leave the kids to him. then proceed to moan at him that he's keeping you waiting.

lady
here's an idea for an experiment.
Get yourself ready first, and time how long it takes.
that's the time it takes you to get yourself ready, without doing anything for the kids.

then get the kids ready.
present the results to your "d"p
i bet it takes you less than half an hour to do yourself. that's not unreasonable.

Knowyourself: thanks for your comment, that's really made me think, getting up and ready before everyone else and sounds fantastic at getting some me time in the morning just to let myself wake up before the demands of my three year old starts,(mummy's girl,stuck to my hip) not complaining the problem with that is My dd is sleeping with me so I'll need to get her back sleeping in her bed and get her routine sorted out as she's still up during the night, she's a terrible sleeper, so I sleep in the spare room at the min so hubby and mt son who's eight get a sleep for work and school and tbh I'm tired all the time so I don't think I would manage getting up earlier untill I've got her sorted,it's a nightmare sometimes but at the same time she's such a loving little girl and just wants cuddles from me which makes it so difficult to say no,, but I'm going to do the early morning you have suggested, will try this weekend thank you

Sassy: thanks for your comment,
I was the same if I'm going anywhere the next day I would of gotten the clothes ready the night before and have them laid out ready for the next day but ive gotten a bit lazy with this as by the kids bedtime I was shattered and left it till the morning and went to bed, my own fault really. I should start doing it again I've not done it for a week know
But my goodness four kids wow your a super mum, whatever you have could you bottle and sell me some please??

Cinnabar: I don't think your doing anything wrong whatsoever your probably a super mum too

Nickel: thanks for your comment: I'll try this tomorrow also, what makes my laugh is that while we were away after giving me such are hard time over getting ready the day after I'm waiting on him as he was watching tv whilst getting organised so it took him longer than me...

if i bottled it lady it would be called horizontantly laid back or housework, what housework!

dont worry, i kept everyone waiting for the twins christening, including the vicar. and i only had 3 kids then. cos i was too tired to do anything the night before. we did do all the food that morning though for 100 guests- so had an excuse.

rolls eyes at your dh. men!!!

This used to be an issue of contention in our house but am older and wiser now. I am afraid I agree with Niceguy2 -" it's one of those things which men will never fully understand".

DW every morning takes 40 minutes to get ready and I take 20. If she is washing her hair, double that. If we are going out, treble it. It used to wind me up. We used to argue sometimes. Now we don't.

The 'Don't you want me to look nice?' comment repeatedly aired on this thread is such a low blow though unanswerable really and is a bit of a red rag to a bull.

What to do?

Talk to him about why it upsets him so much. Focus on why he gets upset. Deal with that, help him deal with that, but don't agree to hurry.

I am sorry but I think I must be missing the point here.

Here is a guy who is getting annoyed because he is made to wait. As in I am ready therefore everybody needs to get ready when he is??

OP really I think you are right re the organization but stop thinking it's all on your shoulders. Your 8yo should be able to get ready all on his own (my 6&8yo certainly do, I don't have to be behind their back). Your H should be able to help get yopur dd ready. You need to delegate much more than you are, give people responsabilities otherwise you are going to collapse from exhaustion and you seem to be already very very tired.
Don't try amd modify your routine to fit in more things to do.
You need to be able to express what your needs are too.

More: thanks for your comment, his reply to you questions were because he has to wait on me and he gets fed up,it annoys him as he could be out in the time it takes me to do my hair etc,, so I think your right to try and solve it without changing myself, it needs to be an equal change of give and take, my only worry is I don't think he will come and go with this

Know: I think your right by not squeezing more things in and he should help me more with the kids on his days off,this is normally another bicker we have as he will say ‘you just get you ready and the kids ready and I'll sort myself' this annoys me because he's then moaning at me to get out as he's ready before me,lol it's weird writing this makes it normality that he's taking the piss a bit because he works I kind of let him away with not helping,in his defence he does tidy up and iron over clothes if I ask, make up the bed if he's only slept in it, not great but he does try, I think I will speak to him tonight and try form a common ground that works for the full family,routine is a big problem in our family.. He works long hours and works hard as he has his own business so I kind of do the house a kids thing by myself, again I'm not complaining but after dinner is done,homework kitchen cleaned up,kids bathed and bed I'm done in.. Then my dd is up during the night and I'm walking like a zombie in the morning so it takes me longer and routines are well up in the air so to speak coz I'm too tired, the past two mornings he has left me and my dd in bed as she's been up quite a lot and peeing her bed oh and peeing on me too,so I'm also getting us showered through the night I don't know were to start I really don't??? So everyone's happy...