DH will be going to a strip club when hes away - help me make it alright in my mind please!!

[TambaTheDragonSlayer]

DH is going on a stag weekend in June which will involve lots of strippers. He has never seen a stripper before and although he says hes not bothered by seeing one but it will be part of the trip I am having trouble dealing with the thought of it in my mind.

When we met 6 years ago I was only 16 and typically immature and jealous. I wouldnt even let him look at pg 3 girls FFS! Fortunatly I grew up and now have no problem with porn etc.

But this stripper thing is totally new to me and as irrational as it sounds, I feel jealous. I dont like the idea of him seeing naked women (Me being the only female hes ever seen naked in rl!) I dont like the idea of other woman turning him on, of them dangling there boobs in his face etc

But rationally, I know there is nothing to worry about, He wont cheat on me and he wont love/fancy me any the less. But the unrational part of me says nooooo its nasty pervvy behaviour to go and drool over naked woman, I dont want you getting off on them etc

A bit pathetic to feel like this i know, so how can I get over it???

(I feel very silly for feeling like this)

i would be the same so im no help sorry! except i dont like porn and im not the only woman he's seen naked unfortunatly

I think on a positive not, he told you there was going to be strippers, maybe his way of saying, I wont hide anything from you, and you can trust me.

The time to worry would be if he hadn't told you!

Don't feel silly about being upset - loads of people would feel the same way. I would talk to him about how you feel, and keep on discussing it with him until you feel happy. I agree the fact he has told you up front shows a desire to be honest.

I know I can trust him He said he wouldnt go if I wasnt comfortable with it but its his brothers Stag do and he works so hard all year and does so much for mje and the kids that he deserves a break. I totally trust him, I know he wouldnt do anything naughty but I can see myself lying in bed when he gets home and him wanting to cuddle up and me thinking "ewww noooo you are one of those men that I think a gross pervs who slobber over naked women, getting off on them and i think your discusting" I dotn know why I have always thought of men who frequent strip bars as being over weight, balding, middle age sweaty perverts .

Part of it i think, is that I have always felt it was demeaning to the dancers to be pawed at and leered at by drunked men and I hate the thought of my dh being like that. And also because I dont want him seeing other women naked and realising that they turn him on.

Maybe its because he has only ever kissed/had sex with me?

I dont know!! But i have to get over it as dh wont have a good time if im not totally relaxed about it.

(Ive never been to a strip club either so my idea of what goes on in them comes from films which may not being giving an accurate picture of them?)

I don't think from what you say that your dh is going to be the pawing kind. I expect he will just be watching slightly scared and embarrassed!

It's all in the way he approaches it though, isn't it. You are expecting him to drool over them and be turned on by them, but really that's not how most normal men see strippers. My dh was taken to a strip club as part of a business trip once, and it left him completely cold - in his eyes it was fake and forced so it didn't do anything for him. Why would it, when he has a real live woman at home whose heart is in it when she's doing sexy things for him? And that's a man's opinion.

You know your husband well enough to know that he doesn't do "nasty, pervy" things, that he won't cheat on you and he won't love or fancy you any the less. Give him a bit of credit for all of those things. It's also worth remembering that he's never seen anyone else naked apart from you, and he's probably feeling more embarrassed about this than he's letting on.

You know your DH and what he's like I'm sure he can be trusted.
Not all men like the stripper thing, I dont, never seen one I fancied, but I havent seen that many
It's too false, and most of them are minging close up.
TBH I find the whole thing seedy and sad, it's not an opinion you can generally air in male circles as the peer pressure can be crushing
I wouldnt worry about it, chances are he wont be drooling just trying to mask his embarrasment

Carl - when you saw strippers, did they come over to your table and wiggle there backside and boobs at people or were they on a stage well out of reach?

Err.. when I have seen them it has been at stag do's
a couple in pubs and one in a club.
both times I was plenty far enough away from the "action"
It depends on the venue AFAIK and i'm no expert.
more likely to get the "one to one" approach in pubs in my limited experience

Good sign that he has told you in advance - so I wouldn't be worried. TBH probably will be shit scared and be laughing uncomfortably.

Don't feel silly for feeling this way. My dh went to a lap dancing club a few years ago. When he first told me he was going i thought it was quite amusing and was cool about it.

However, as the day drew closer I began to get freaked out. I talked to him about it, he offered not to go but i felt a bit neurotic telling him not to go.

He went, I fidgeted at home all evening and he promised he wouldn't go to anything similar in the future - and he hasn't.

I felt it was a kind of compromise, he didn't have to back down infront of his mates on that occasion but he took my concerns seriously.

Just keep talking about it, I'm sure you'll find a solution.

Don?t feel silly. Sounds like you have a good relationship. He has been open with you about it all, you have concerns but also want him to be relaxed and have a nice time. You both sound lovely. Have you told him exactly how you feel? That you want him to enjoy himself on the stag do but that you are feeling a bit insecure about him looking and enjoying looking at other maked women? Sharing your concerns and fears will give him that opportunity to understand and reassure you.
My DH has been on a couple of stag dos with strippers. The first one I was also anxious and can relate exactly how you feel. I have some moral difficulties regarding the industry as well as worrying about an emotional response from DH to these women, how he might feel coming back to my dumpy body etc. However, after the first weekend he was open about it all, explained that some were quite pretty others he felt were so crude he was uncomfortable trying to avoid eye contact etc but overall it was non emotional fun. Interestingly, after the second time he said he was so bored after an hour of it all that he hopes non of his other mates ever bother with it - expensive and dull after a while! Personally I was relieved when he came back, pleased I hadn?t made him feel bad about it and secure in the knowledge that he had told me, not sloped off muttering about golf and cafes like some of the blokes had done.
He will be fine and come back the same man. I do suggest you share how you are feeling with him

oh mate, its not silly but i dont think it sounds like you have anything to worry about at all. he cant touch and they dont get off on anyhting except winding each other up and being lads. its just a bloke thing. if you had caught him going off and doing it behind your back then i would say you had a problem but i dont think you have to worry at all!!!!! by the way i think your attitude to him working hard for you and your children and him deserving this break is lovely. it sounds like you have a fab relationship and to be honest i think, like when you got all stressed about the page 3 girls, you will eventually not be so concerned.!!!!

i would just insist outright he didn't go.

but then i am a Humourless Feminist and DP knew as much when we got together so he can't really complain about it.

I think part of it is that i feel it is degrading for the women involved and I feel that the men you go and leer and slobber over them are discusting and I dont view my dh in that way (or you Carl ) so it must just be the image i have of it from TV and Films.

And some of it is pure jealousy. I dont want my Dh looking at other women. Hoe childish am I??

Especially as I have been to see a male stripper! But I have always thought that woman go for fun and men go to be turned on - men being more visually aroused than women are.

Dh is great and I know he wont go if i am uncomfortable and he wouldnt enjoy it if I said he could go but was uncomfortable so I have to find a way of making it alright with myself.

Its his brothers stag do and he cant miss that.

lol fennel me too!!!

Over My Dead Body!!!!!

If he's like most of the blokes I know, he will be keeping a very low profile. praying that not one of the girls gets within several yards of him.
I do understand how you feel, it isn't childish. I feel exactly the same. I have no inclination to go to see a stripper, and can't really understand how anybody has.
It will mean so much to him that you don't stop him going even though he knows how you feel, because blokes can be really nasty about other blokes 'being under the thumb'. You might even find the odd comment made to you!

dh's brothers always say he is under the thumb. When bil phones he says "hello can I speak to the one that doesnt wear the trousers please"

Its not that dh is under the thumb, its just that we discuss everything and make desicions together

Sorry, I wasn't saying that your dh is under the thumb, but that's what some men resort to when they don't understand how an honest open relationship works.

I know

I hate the expression "under the thumb"

But you sound so lovely Tamba, I'm sure your dh doesn't give a monkeys for other women anyway.

If it's any help my DH has been a few times on business trips and says it left him cold too. The fact that the poor cows are doing something so degrading for a few quid. Total turn off.

TBH it's not something that bothers me in the slightest, it bothers DH more that I'm not bothered IYSWIM.

Let him go, he sounds like the sort of bloke that will hate it to me .

Tamba, I would not worry at all about your hubby going on a stag weekend and seeing a few strippers.

I have been to a couple of "gentlemans evenings" at a local night club when I was young a single and have been to a strip club (table dancing) in South Africa (while on a business trip).

The "gentlemans evenings" tend to be quite similar and is usually 3 girls doing a couple of strips each. IF there is a 2-girl act it will be a well rehearsed titilation.
He is unlikely to be able to see much more of the women than what may be on display at a continental beach. just boobs and a bit of fluff.

Some groups often pre-warn the club that they are taking a lad on his 18th birthday. He may get pulled up on stage and covered in sun tan lotion and shaving cream - including down his shorts....something to try to explain to his mother when he gets home......
The only other audience participation likely is some bloke forced to down a pint after one of the girls has "very theatrically" dropped a hair into. Funny the first time you see it, but boring the second.

Once you have been a couple of times, it becomes boring and the highlight of the evening is often the comedian. If there is food involved it will be chicken and chips or scampi...I would not recommend the tartare sauce though.....

If he is going to some professional strip club, there are strict rules of "look, don't touch". There are usually quite a few minders / doormen around to protect the girls from any adventurous drunkard. Any one trying to touch a girl will not enjoy being ejected from the club.

If any actual sex acts occur, you can expect the club to have a visit from the police and face closure.

Ask your husband, when he returns, if he found the girls more attractive with their clothes on off...you may be surprised with his response.

Your hubby is more likely to come home stinking of beer and vomit and is unlikely to be much of a catch for any woman he may meet.

LOL Stevep4 - God it sounds like a bit of an ordeal!! I'm glad I don't have to go!!!