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Original poster

Trying for baby...DP on dating website

86 replies

chocice · 10/01/2012 18:45

I have been with my DP for 6 years and we have been trying for a baby for the past 9 months with no success.

I was really down about it yesterday after finding out yet another work colleague is pregnant and she was on the pill and not even trying. DP tried to reassure me it will be our time soon, we will go to the doctors if things don't happen naturally blah blah blah.

Just now he was on the laptop and I have come on after him and noticed he is still logged in to his email account. Curiosity got the better of me and I took a quick look.

Every email in the inbox is from me apart from one which contains login details for a dating website. I logged in and he has put in loads of details about himself and said he is looking for someone to spend his life with.

what the actual fuck is going on?
I feel like my world has been crushed. Please help.

OP posts:
samneedschocolate · 10/01/2012 20:08

Would it be really awful to create an account yourself to catch him out? Or ask a friend to log on and message him?

LadyBlaBlah · 10/01/2012 20:09

What WellBlowMeDown said.

Just leave him

Don't waste energy on listening to his bullshit. He's cheating. Period.

I'm sorry for you that this has broken all your dreams for the future but they would have turned into total nightmares with a dick like that. He would have been a shit dad. Seriously.

Original poster
chocice · 10/01/2012 20:10

well I don't know if I'm pregnant yet.. we are actively trying Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
chocice · 10/01/2012 20:11

it's one of these websites where you have to pay to read and send messages. he only has a basic free account. otherwise I would be tempted to set up an account myself, message him and see if I get a response

OP posts:
LoveInAColdClimate · 10/01/2012 20:11

Oh, OP, I'm so sorry. I feel sick on your behalf.

Original poster
chocice · 10/01/2012 20:13

he can't even read or send messages with a basic account. that's what makes me think this isn't totally serious.. unless this is one of many other things he is doing behind my back. or unless he's planning on upgrading the account ?

OP posts:
grograg · 10/01/2012 20:14

But if it is a new thing then maybe he will sign up to the paying bit so he can reads the messages he has already got.

AllTheSevens · 10/01/2012 20:16

My H still tried to lie to me about being on a no-strings sex site, even when I had the page in front of me and read his ridiculous profile back to him.

We had two very young children at the time and I felt I couldn't leave.

It all came to a head recently (2 years after it happened) and we went to relate- which has helped enormously and we have got things back on track now, but it hasn't been easy.

If there had been no children involved then I would have ended the relationship instantly. It's horrible being in a relationship with someone you feel you can't trust and it's hard to recover from.

Snooping about and laying traps may seem like ways to gather evidence, but in reality they are only ways of driving yourself mad. Please don't go down that route. Print out what you need to and have it out with him.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

brandrethmupp · 10/01/2012 20:17

I wouldn't let him know you know yet. Keep collecting the evidence. If you tell him now, you're not on solid enough ground and he'll lie and you'll believe him. ooh and put babies on hold. tell him you've got a headache.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 10/01/2012 20:18

I'm really, really sorry chocice but if he's gone to the trouble of setting up an account, free or not, he's up to no good.
Any man setting up a dating profile is not being just 'immature' or 'not totally serious'.
I can totally understand why you're in denial at the moment, it's a perfectly normal reaction, but you need to face facts and confront him. Any idea of setting up a fake profile is just going to prolong your agony.
Confront him first and throw him out. It's then up to him to justify what he's done and up to you to decide what is then best for you.

MumPotNoodle · 10/01/2012 20:19

OP, of course he will tell you that he was being an immature twat and just mucking about....he has been caught out. He is NEVER going to admit he was looking for someone else.

Original poster
chocice · 10/01/2012 20:22

Got to leave to pick him up in a minute.
I'm not gonna let on that I know anything if I can help it, but he can read me like a book. Will probably guess something's wrong

OP posts:
Original poster
chocice · 10/01/2012 20:22

brandrethmupp that's exactly what I'm thinking

OP posts:
Vicky0790 · 10/01/2012 20:24

Op, I think you should confront him with what you have, then you can decide what to do, you may or may not get the truth, but you know him and will probably be able to tell a lot from his reaction.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 10/01/2012 20:26

brandrethmupp how is setting up a dating profile not 'solid enough ground'?? Is the OP to wait until he's actually met up with someone before she confronts him and pretend everything is fine until then? She'll be a quivering bloody wreck by the end of that. This is not some dodgy email that could be read a number of ways, it's a frigging PROFILE ON A DATING WEBSITE.

GypsyMoth · 10/01/2012 20:29

Immaturity would be going on the sleazy sex sites..... This is a man looking for a relationship. A new one

WellBlowMeDown · 10/01/2012 20:29

Crazy to have a baby with someone doing this. He's looking to cheat. It's not a game. You deserve better or do you want your life to be a misery.

Legobuildingpro · 10/01/2012 20:29

She has enough evidence. Gameplaying and holding it in. That way madness lies.

She isn't married, no kids. Why wait until one of those happens?

KittyBump · 10/01/2012 20:32

One other possible explanation. Does he use quidco? They had a cash back offer of £5 if you completed a dating site profile. if you look at quidco you'll see what dating site it was

WellBlowMeDown · 10/01/2012 20:32

I have a dx with my dp, but if I saw he had joined a dating site, he would be OUT. So disrespectful. If I was single, he would be OUT and a lot of verbal abuse would be thrown in. People don't join dating sites as a game, don't fool yourself.

AllTheSevens · 10/01/2012 20:33

I agree that you don't need any more evidence OP. You have enough to act upon.

WellBlowMeDown · 10/01/2012 20:34

Why waste your time and life? You could be with someone who actually treats you well.

ImperialBlether · 10/01/2012 20:37

That would do it for me.

Trying for a baby should be the most exciting time in his life. He should be more committed now than at any other time.

He is clearly getting his kicks from a site like that. He is clearly not committed.

Thank god you found out before you got pregnant. You know he has form; you'd be crazy to accept his excuses again.

PilgrimSoul · 10/01/2012 20:41

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I too found my bf on a dating site a couple of months ago, and got lots of support on here.
I kicked him out, despite his protestations that he never intended to actually meet someone, he was just bored, curious bla bla.

It was hell, I felt not good enough, my self esteem hot rock bottom and I missed him like crazy for a while. Now I'm OK and am so glad I made that choice.

Someone said on my thread that he was keeping his hand in for a better deal, that really hurt, but it hurt because it was true, and I couldn't allow myself to be treated like that. Thats just my story, only you can know your story, your boundaries, and what you will tolerate.

Original poster
chocice · 10/01/2012 20:43

imperial - that's why I need to be 100% or I will always be wondering if I made a mistake. I haven't let on yet.

OP posts:
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