Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Trying for baby...DP on dating website

86 replies

chocice · 10/01/2012 18:45

I have been with my DP for 6 years and we have been trying for a baby for the past 9 months with no success.

I was really down about it yesterday after finding out yet another work colleague is pregnant and she was on the pill and not even trying. DP tried to reassure me it will be our time soon, we will go to the doctors if things don't happen naturally blah blah blah.

Just now he was on the laptop and I have come on after him and noticed he is still logged in to his email account. Curiosity got the better of me and I took a quick look.

Every email in the inbox is from me apart from one which contains login details for a dating website. I logged in and he has put in loads of details about himself and said he is looking for someone to spend his life with.

what the actual fuck is going on?
I feel like my world has been crushed. Please help.

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 10/01/2012 19:18

Not many dating sites around six years ago that are now unless you consider Match.com.

What date is the email stating the details? Surely if you have his laptop open and the dating website page open he cant deny fuck all?

He clearly is not happy is he?

Original poster

chocice · 10/01/2012 19:18

reality - that's what im trying to find out because that's the kind of thing he is likely to come out with.

I can't find it anywhere but the address he has given is a really old one where we lived when we first got together, it's not recent.

OP posts:

Original poster

chocice · 10/01/2012 19:20

the email with login details is from wednesday.

He has two unread messages from the same woman but has not read them because he only has a basic account. these are from the 5th of January

OP posts:

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 10/01/2012 19:20

I assume she's checked the dates Reality

You can drive yourself mad with the Whys. The truth is that there isn't a good reason why. It's hard to realise that the relationship you thought you had and the person you thought you were in it with doesn't exist. It's not that your lovely DP has done an awful thing, more that he was never really the lovely DP you thought he was

Original poster

chocice · 10/01/2012 19:21

the email says thank you for requesting your username and password.

So he registered before wednesday, possibly a long time ago and has forgotten his login details and requested them again.

OP posts:

LemonDifficult · 10/01/2012 19:23

Did you try the 'forgot password' thing Puggy suggested?

So sorry for you OP. From the FB thing I guess you can take it that this isn't an accident. How awful. Have you got a good friend you can get round now?

Wittsend13 · 10/01/2012 19:24

I strongly suggest either printing them out or screen shotting them and keeping them somewhere safe as you might relay on them one day...

izzywhizzystwelfthnight · 10/01/2012 19:25

Because, despite what he may say to you, he's more into himself than he could ever be into you - or any other woman for that matter.

What other reasons do you want? He's got a colossal ego that needs to be stroked by strangers. He likes the thrill of the chase. He's a commitment-phobe. He's an emotional retard. He's a lying toad. He's a twunt.

Will that do to be getting on with?

Original poster

chocice · 10/01/2012 19:26

I have copied and pasted the login details and emailed to myself then deleted from the sent box.

lemon - don't think yahoo email works like that? you have to go through security questions

OP posts:

Original poster

chocice · 10/01/2012 19:28

don't know whether I should give him a piece of my mind or just not bother going to get him and having his bags waiting outside the door. fuck fuck fuck

OP posts:

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 10/01/2012 19:33

Okay... I'm going to be one voice saying 'slow down'

I met DP on match.com. Despite us both leaving the site when we met each other, we occasionally get emails either from match or from randoms who've seen our profiles. It seems that the profile don't get deleted, but kind of lurk in the background and every now and again someone finds one. I agree it's unlikely, but it is possible that this is entirely innocent (if he's using a past address)

If you usually trust him then I would say take a deep breath, wait until he is home and then talk it through.

If not, bin liners, definitely.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Original poster

chocice · 10/01/2012 19:36

I just realised....this email account is not very old at all. He created it about 6 months ago.

OP posts:

Original poster

chocice · 10/01/2012 19:37

Prior to that I always had his password and he always had mine.

OP posts:

RealityNeedsANamechange · 10/01/2012 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vicky0790 · 10/01/2012 19:37

I would agree to think this through, could he have originally joined before he met you, you said he has two unopened messages which may not be a good sign as suggests it is active. However was he ever single at that address or was it always a joint address?

RealityNeedsANamechange · 10/01/2012 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

chocice · 10/01/2012 19:41

no he was never single at that address

OP posts:

grograg · 10/01/2012 19:55

Oh fuck, ar you still going to pick him up?

Does he have any photos of himself on the site? He could say he set it up for someone else?

What a git!

Original poster

chocice · 10/01/2012 19:58

no photos of himself on there and a really old address. thats why I need more info, he will wriggle out of it. anyone know any good keyloggers or monitoring software thats free?

I really want to know if he is prepared to take this further, if he is emailing girls, etc.

OP posts:

WellBlowMeDown · 10/01/2012 20:01

Just leave him. Seriously...

MumPotNoodle · 10/01/2012 20:02

Set yourself up a fake profile on the site and contact him, see what his response is.

grograg · 10/01/2012 20:04

I would have to know aswell, I would delete all the history so he can't see that you have looked and i would set up a profile and send him a message to see if you get a reply. I know thats silly and not very grown up but it is the only way you might actually get to find out.

bobbledunk · 10/01/2012 20:04

You poor thing, count yourself lucky it happened before you got pregnant. Time to upgrade. You and your future baby deserve better.

Legobuildingpro · 10/01/2012 20:05

Don't use a free key logger. Ever. What gives with people on here determined to torture themselves more by doing stuff like this?

Original poster

chocice · 10/01/2012 20:08

I'm one of those people that has to know.

I can't throw away 6 years if this dating website is just some silly game to him and he's just being an immature twat. But if he is serious about looking for someone else of course I will walk.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4