f.book -reunited with 1st love but we both married what to do?

[redhead24]

Help help help.
I'm going through a seperation (another story for many many reasons), but during this process, my first ever boyfriend and first love and I got back in contact about this time last year.
He's also married with dc.
We've only chatted on line Skype and mobile (live other ends of the country) but we've both realised that we made some huge errors letting one another go, (we never argued or anything, was just a time of life thing, being young etc).
I'm in the middle of seperating from my husband, while he's living in the same house with his wife but in seperate bedrooms, and wondering if their latest kid is even his!
We half talked about the possibilities of getting together as neither would want to be unfaithful to our partners. i.e. if we were to take it further we'd both need to be single and available.
But as we have 5 kids between us, who are all young, even if we were both available tomorrow, we couldn't be together as his job, I can't unsettle my kids as have moved way too many times. So it's like a no go.
We're both hankering after each other big time, not because of 'just' reminising over the good old days but we totally click which has made us realise even more how wrong our marriages have been.
So don't know what to do on this one.
Write it off, it'll never be. Run after my true love, and make it happen!
Just continue to sit in turmoil (we daren't meet up as we fear for the repocusions) and crave each other from afar, staying unhappy and for what?
It's like someone has just given me the golden ticket and then I realise there's a glass screen in between!

On the eye colour, I thought it was the other way around - two BLUE-eyed parents cannot have a BROWN-eyed child?

3 blue eyed children and i have brown. As i am their mother, i'm pretty confident that they are mine.

My father has blue eyes and my husband's parents (and he) have blue. They've bred out my brahn genes.

Don't look at him as a "golden ticket" OP. It might not seem like it but you have a massive opportunity right now after having just recently split from your husband. It's a time where many women (and men) think about what they want for themselves in terms of their career, lifestyle and passions. Divorce was a horrific time for me in many ways but it was like I'd woken up after a long sleep and realised what I wanted from life, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Don't pour yourself into this pseudo-relationship when it will never lead anywhere. Instead, think about where you want to go as a single person, not a partner or wife or illicit lover. You could be doing so much more with your time and feelings than pining for someone you can't have. This could draw out for months or years and you'd feel such a fool at the end and wonder what you could have been doing instead.

Redhead24, you sound like a really lovely person. You sound kind, friendly and with a lot of love to give. You sound like someone who if I met them I would come away with a really good feeling.

That's how you come across. You also sound like you have a lot of basic decency, honesty and integrity - how many people would have the courage to accept what they have been told, and the emotional honesty to take it on board?

You have so much going for you: most people would go 'I want to do what I want to do you are all out to get me its not my fault I am hard done by and UP yours!

I for one have admired your openness. Good luck, don't give yourself away to any old silver tongue, you are too good for that.

On the eye colour, I thought it was the other way around - two BLUE-eyed parents cannot have a BROWN-eyed child?

too simplistic, they can. Mine did and I have way too many of my father's genes in other areas to doubt it! Always getting father's daughter remarks about my appearance. I have his hair, his eye shape, his face shape, his hands, his family's body shape, his wonkey vision...

OK, he may or may not be a player, but he doesn't have a magic wand.

I was in a similar position a few years ago, only I was single, DXP was married. We got back in touch through Facebook and remembered all the many ways we'd clicked, years before. He was going through a difficult time with a job he hated, getting used to the new area he'd moved to when he married his wife a few months before. I had problems with work and family illness, among others. It would have been so, so easy to fall into bed together.

But, we didn't. We talked, honestly and openly. We acknowledged that we still had feelings for each other, but that we were seeing everything through rose-tinted nostalgia. He said he'd been attracted to his wife because she reminded him of me; he recognised that a) he loved her, and b) the grass wouldn't be any greener with me, because we're similar! We came up with a list of reasons that we shouldn't do anything hasty, and we didn't.

But, we kept in touch. 3 years on, we exchange occasional emails, every month or two. He's more in love with his wife than ever. I went on to meet and get engaged to DP, who is similar to DXP but better!

I'm very glad that he was, and is, a part of my life, and I'm pleased that we were able to support each other through that difficult time. The intensity faded; the novelty wore off. The friendship remains.

So, my view would be that being in touch with him isn't necessarily a bad thing, but you already know that sleeping with him while he's still married would be. Give it time, patience and lots of talking, and see what happens. I firmly believe that people come into your life for a reason.

I wish you luck and happiness, with or without him.

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