Would you send this email to OW?

[hairymonkey]

P gave me the usual shite 2 weeks before Xmas, not sure if he wants to be with me anymore, met someone else, though nothing has happened (I don't believe him) found emails on his phone Christmas day while he was putting boys to bed. Nothing to bad, just very flirty. He had promised all contact had stopped, lied to my face.
After another week of his shit I have asked him to move out.
Is it really stupid to send this woman an email explaining her part in the break down of relationship? What I've written is clear and concise, not blaming her, just letting her know her actions and flirtations have consequences, namely breaking the hearts of my boys.
Also any future relationship has dubious origins. CC old Twatface in.
Just think she should know what all is entails.....

I would, but don't reply to anything she replies with. Intact don't even read it.

She probably won't care. She knew he was married with DCs.
You will keep more dignity if you don't send it. By all means write it but don't send it

Infact*

Personally I'd keep my counsel and dignity, which I think I would lose if I vented to her.

Am assuming she knows already that he has a family and that their relationship is built on the betrayal of someone else and the heartbreak of his sons.

I'd get my pep talks from friends and get some good legal advice.

she either already knows, or probably wouldn't care.
It might make you feel better - now - but is it really worth it?

(and sending you some hugs, cos you probably need them, take every day as it comes and be kind to yourself)

im all up for a good revenge, but whilst oyu might think purging your soul will help you -= becuase its what you want to do - shake them - make them see....
the actual effect will be that she will think your a crazy bitch and he will Know that your hurt

dont dont do it - hes seriously not worth the effort

No don't. He is the one who has betrayed your relationship not her.

Sorry this has happened to you.

I wouldn't communicate with her at all.

She wasn't the one who promised to be faithful to me then plunged ball deep into some other woman.

I know a lot of people would say that ultimately your axe to grind is with him (it is) and that's where your anger should be directed.

But I know that I would never be able to resist sending that email.

Do think though what you want to achieve with it. She may get into contact with you properly then. Do you want that? Are you prepared for it? Or could you just take the satisfaction from writing the email and not sending it (sometimes it helps just to get it out). Ultimately, P may well have not painted you in a positive light to her and she just thinks you are some mad beeatch. You certainly don't owe her any favours by pointing out what a twat he is.

no

don't do it

just treat them both with cool and utter contempt

revenge is a dish best served cold

So has he actually moved out? If so, where is he?
No, I wouldn't advise sending her an email, best ignore her really and only communicate with H about the boys, house, money, etc.

No, don't send it. Women like her won't care.

The BEST way to show them your contempt is to never look back and eradicate them both from your life.

Absolutely not.

It'll only feed his ego and convince her that whatever lies he's told about you are true.

If you've got her email address I can think of better things to do with it....

Don't send it.

No no and thrice no.

I have done this. Twice.

Once years ago to a woman my ex was having an affair with. she emailed him on his computer, that I was working at, as we ran our own business at the time. So i replied. To her work e mail. Told her exactly what i thought of her and asked her politely to fuck off.

The final time was his second affair a few years later that finally broke our marriage up. I rang her, told her exactly what I thought of her and him and that he was all hers to keep.

I have to say I felt loads better afterward as it helped me get in touch with my anger and then use that to drive my divorce through. BUT I have massive self control, I dont rant and even my ex (who I am now on good terms with) says I do a world class bollocking

Cheers ladies,
have saved message and not sent it. The loser is at his Mum's. He's got such rod up his arse that I feel like sending it more to make him uncomfortable. the mail not rude or abusive, very short, just saying that she has an involvement in the situation. Trying to be cool, but just want to let her know what she thinks is flirting or whatever has resulted in my family falling apart.. As well as accepting his complete involvement. Sure they won't care though, and I will look crackers. God this is rubbish, hope she's got syphillus.

Well, I hope she hasn't if you have been sleeping with him too

No.

You will be glad later that you kept the moral high ground.

No - stay away and keep your dignity. Hardest thing on this earth to do at the time but believe me you will be grateful for keeping the higher ground.

You can look down at them both from it later.

It will feel great.

Never had anyone take my advice though

No I wouldn't - I may feel like sending it - but I always think dignified silence is best.

Writing an email that you never send can be cathartic though, and keep the dignity intact. Sorry you're going through this :(

No. I have composed many emails to the OW that my ex destroyed his family for. I am so glad that I have not sent one of them.

It will not only feed his ego as izzy said, it will also feed hers.

Ignoring is a far better punishment in the long run and you will feel so much better for it (eventually).

Plus, what could she say that would make it feel better? Apologies will ring untrue (if she was genuinely sorry, she would have stopped the affair before it began and 'sorry, but I'm glad I did it really' is hardly comfort for you). Or (more likely) you will get a tirade of how your marriage was actually already over before she even met your partner, because according to everything he has told her your relationship was dead in the water etc etc etc. This would hardly be a comfort either.

Just focus on yourself and your own recovery and let them get on with their own (hopefully miserable and shabby) future.

If she is the type of person you think she is, she may think she has 'won'. He won't care (probably).

Please don't send it. You are better than they are.

Can't get it twice anyfucker! ho ho. No, I hope they both have syphillus, and I don't. I do wish I could spell it though!

syphillis

I bet nobody ever put those two things together before...