Would you send this email to OW?

[hairymonkey]

P gave me the usual shite 2 weeks before Xmas, not sure if he wants to be with me anymore, met someone else, though nothing has happened (I don't believe him) found emails on his phone Christmas day while he was putting boys to bed. Nothing to bad, just very flirty. He had promised all contact had stopped, lied to my face.
After another week of his shit I have asked him to move out.
Is it really stupid to send this woman an email explaining her part in the break down of relationship? What I've written is clear and concise, not blaming her, just letting her know her actions and flirtations have consequences, namely breaking the hearts of my boys.
Also any future relationship has dubious origins. CC old Twatface in.
Just think she should know what all is entails.....

I am really sorry, btw

What I really want is for them all to just leave me alone to be with my boys and start our new life. It's fine when it's just us, but he keeps coming back to pick things up, blah blah blah.
He says he doesn't know what he wants. I do, I want him to go. If there wasn't this ow, It would be sooo much easier. The man's a complete bellend, how can the fact that some ow fancies him, make me feel so dumped!!! Without this input I think there would be a level playing field. He really is a bit of a twat. Our kids are great though. Fuck me this is all so rubbish.

I did have an evil thought the other day - emptying out some drawers and I came across some soppy poem exH had written to me on an anniversary - all about his wonderful wife and how he couldn't live without me . Nicely framed and wrapped I could post it to the Hendon whore his new DW when their first anniversary comes around (along with the, um, not very 'practical' undergarments he bought me once). After all, clearly all those sentiments now apply to her! My name isn't actually on it anywhere, and it's in his own handwriting, signed with kisses! I'm sure she'd love it and he'd die a death when he saw her open it

I probably won't do it, it suits me to have him out of my life, but it is a nice feeling to know that I could if I wanted to. I'm a bad person.

Thank you all. This really is the pits eh ladies? God, you never think it's going to happen to you......then boom.

I can understand that the coming and going is awful. Is it worth appealing to his better nature ie that he needs to pick up his stuff, stay out and stick to agreed regular contact for the DCs' sake? Because having him popping in all the time must be upsetting for them as well.
It will help you feel stronger, as well, if you start looking into the legal/financial position ie whose name the house is in, maintenance etc.
But don't send emails to the OW. She doesn't owe you anything. Except some time in the future, years down the line, you might be grateful to her for taking the knob off your hands: that's something to look forward to.

Empty the house of his stuff

No excuse to keep popping back then

Keep all contact strictly about the kids, and when he sees them do the handover on the doorstep and don't let him over the threshold

Keep him out of your space...he gave up his full time father role when he dipped his wick somewhere else

McDonald's daddy...he made his choice

Thanks again. I need to keep him sweet both for the kids, and childcare. Will relish my weekends thinking of him and new lady with 2 very energetic boys in a one bedroom flat. They are exceptionally loud. off to bed now, as trying to be healthy and sane. You are all very kind.

2 things

1. his relationship with his kids is his to "keep sweet", not you

2. get some other childcare organised, pronto

I text the OW, I'm not sorry either. I was dignified and calm and informed her that she had been misled as to my DH's singleness. I had already decided to keep him though so my goal was to burst the little bubble they were in. It worked too.

how grim to feel you have to "see off" another woman in order to claim the prize of the cheating man

and what an ego trip for him

Was that aimed at me AF?

I was addressing how sad your post made me feel Obs yes

I texted the other woman and told her that she was welcome to him, but I was very disappointed that his idea of an ideal woman was someone who would happily take a few dirty text messages instead of a real relationship. I said that if I were her I would take a long look at myself and consider whether low self esteem or lack of confidence in my looks was the reason why I would take this crap. I asked if her own marriage was lacking because her husband wasnt interested in her anymore, so thats why she wanted mine.

All done in very "pretend sympathetic" tone.

she called me a fucking bitch :o:o:o

I should say that the message took me days to compose, after I deleted the initial rant! Oh and it was nothing NOTHING compared to what he got from me when I found out. Compared to that I was practically sending her flowers :o

Bogeyface I like the cut of your jib

Thanks! I had to send something, I am very much of a last-word person, and I hate to think that she would have gaily walked away without a seconds thought.

As I say though, it took me aaaagess to get it right! I decided that full on bitch was the way to go, its the real me and anything else would just be a lie :o

I did email OW but only after she sent me a vile text (my "D"H gave her my mobile no as he was scared of her . I had just found out about their affair, the fact that he was staying with her 6 weeks after he had left me to get some "space", she was worried I was going to inform her employers about their relationship as it amounted to gross misconduct, hence her vile text threatening to call the police if I came into her shop, that I was a sad loser whose DH no longer wanted her or loved her and I should get over myself!

Anyway I saw red, had met up with DH the previous week and we had had sex (I know, I know but I was in a bad place and wanted us to get back together and I didn't know he had an OW - he's bullsh*ting was good). DH had sent me a load of emails, begging to meet up as he found me so attractive, missed me, etc etc. So I told her that he had really wanted me a couple of days ago and to give me her email and I would prove it. I sent all the emails, it was obvious I could not have faked them, she even had a text from him at the relevant time saying he could not meet her as he had an important meeting to go to.

I never received any further communcation from her. DH ended their relationship the following week and we managed to repair our marriage - he did not move back in with me for another 4/5 months after a lot of counselling.

I would never have had any communcation with her if she hadn't had been so vile, she even told me she would read the emails when she had finished screwing my H (classy lady) - I just told her to enjoy themselves and to take their time.

Rewrite it saying that you are glad someone has finally taken him off your hands, that she is welcome to the serial cheating wanker and that you hope she has better luck with him than you and all the others did.

Like soupdragons response a lot

Sounds like you don't want him and are glad to be rid. The betrayal obviously hurts but walk away giving the impression she has done you a favour.

I couldn't resist, I'd want her to know that she didn't have the last word!

countingto10 - great style! Also really pleased top hear that you got things back together. Well done you.

Want her to know that her actions have had very real consequences, also if like he says, nothing has happened, then he's going to look pretty mental having involved her, which he'll hate.

Going to go over it with friends later. Think I need to step away from the computer!

I emailed the ow and have never regretted it. I don't think that in anyway I lost my dignity by doing so. For me it was about closure. It took me ages to compose the email. I sent it 6 months after splitting from my ex. I wasn't abusive at all. Just said what I needed to say and I have felt much better about what happened ever since. Prior to sending it I spent too long thinking about what I would like to say to her and I didn't want those thoughts in my headspace anymore. I didn't want to enter into a conversation. I created an email account solely for that purpose and didn't save any of the details so I could never log back in. I agree that the best revenge is living well yourself and being free of a cheating OH, but for me it is a comfort that I got what I needed to say off my chest.

Sorry you are going through this hairymonkey, it is crap, but you will get through it and come out the other side stronger. My life is so much better these days than it ever was when I was with my ex.

When I found out, the OW rang me and asked if she could come and see me! I can do controlled quite well if needs be so said yes as wanted to hear what she had to say. Turned out she only wanted to try and persuade me not to tell her DH. Unfortunatly for her, she was 2 hours too late - I had already left him a message! When her DH filed for divorce, she had the cheek to text and say I had wrecked her marriage. Some people are so delusional that what you say has no impact. Only send an e mail if you will always regret not saying your piece, otherwise, a dignified silence is probably best.

I didn't send the OW or my ex any emails although I sorely wanted to, composed plenty but I saved them and deleted them when the feelings passed.

Now, i am so glad i kept my cool not only because i kept my dignity but because any lies he would have told her about me will now have been far surpassed by the failings he has as a partner, and they have split up.

Hang on OP. It's said that the best revenge is to live well - I think it's true.