Am I in denial? I need some advice.

[WomanDriver]

I'm sorry to trouble you all but I just really need someone to talk to because I feel so isolated right now.
I have two children and live far away from my family with my dp in London. I think I Am in denial that I am in an abusive relationship.
It all came to a head new years eve, my parents have taken my kids on a skiing holiday to give me a break after Xmas.

Me and dp spent ny with friends and he got really drunk (which is how this usually starts) when we got home he started telling me that I was not good enough for him, I ignored it and went to sleep.
I suffer really badly with reoccurring cystitis and this has affected my kidneys badly and have been in and out of hospital with serious kidney infections. I woke up ny day with really bad cystitis and felt really down.
I spent the day in bed and my partner kept hounding me for sex all day even though he knew it would make my cys. Worse. In the end I gave in. Then later that night I was feeling so poorly and trying to get to sleep he turns round and just says "give me a handjob now". I was so disgusted he spoke to me like that I stayed in the bathroom until he was asleep.

Today I have woken up with horrendous kidney pains which means the infection has spread, I can barely move. I asked him to cook dinner and he refused and I just snapped and started having a go at him about the past few days. He was dismissive and refused to apologise so in frustration I threw a pillow in his general direction but it missed him. He then grabbed me and started throwing me around the bedroom calling me a stupid bitch.

He has now told me to get out of his house and not come back until the kids come back. This is both of our house though. To get him to leave me alone I asked him to leave the bedroom so I could get changed to go and I've locked the door.
I have nowhere to go and don't want to leave. The door is locked to the bedroom and I know he won't kick it down because we will lose our deposit. Shall I just stay in this room and not come out? I don't know what to do. He has my phone downstairs so I can't contact anyone.
I'm sorry for the long post, I don't really know what I wanted you guys to say I just needed to get this off my chest as I have no one to talk to.

Call the police immediately. He has assaulted you.

I think you already know the answer, he is abusive and I think you need to seek some legal advice and ask your parents to let your Children stay with them for a few days while you get sorted out.

Sorry I just saw the thing about the phone. What are you posting on?

Get your things and go now! Do you drive?

So it's a rented house, it's not "yours" as such. Find another one. Get some advice - there are lots of knowledgeable people here on the Relationships boards who talk a lot of sense more than me and will be able to help you find out what you need to know, legally and practically, to get away from this man.
I've spent time in a women's refuge with my eldest DC and while it was pretty crap at the time, it got me on my feet, away from an abusive husband, and gave me back a life.
You can contact us so that's something and we are here. I'm sure by the time I hit post there will be other people who can give you some proper practical advice here too.

Hounding you for sex when he knows it is going to make you seriously ill is absolutely unforgiveable. I don't know what else to say. This is so wrong

I think you know the answer to this - yes, you are in denial and you are in an abusive relationship. You seem to have computer contact to the outside world - is there anyone you could message, a friend on FB or something? The fact that he has your phone is very worrying, as is the escalation of his behaviour. I would be making plans to end this relationship, and at the very least get some good advice as to where you stand re the house.
I'd also consider reposting this in Relationships, there are some much more knowledgeable people than I am over there.
Stay strong.

If you need to call the police, contact MNHQ and give them your address

I'm sure they'll contact them for you.

Get your stuff together and get out. It is abuse, you know it is. You have the perfect opportunity while your parents have the kids. Go to the police and make a police report in case there are custody issues later.

Good luck.

You need to get out of the house. It sounds like he will let you leave, but just in case I would use the computer you are presumably on to email a friend who you think will pick it up on their phone. Then pack a bag, get out and get a taxi. I doubt you are well enough to drive.

You are going to have to come out of the bedroom at some point my love. Is there anywhere you can go?? A friend? Hotel? He sounds like a complete knobber and yes, this is abusive. Can you stay with your parents when the kids come back until you work out your next move?

No I don't drive and Im posting on an iPad. The only person I can contact from here would be my 20 year old brother who lives a few miles from me. But he is a uni student so probably out on the piss plus I. Don't want him coming down because I don't want my partner kicking off at him. I have no where to go, no money nothing. I don't know whether to stay locked in the bedroom or take my chances outside and find a call box or something to contact my parents, but then what's can they do if they aren't in the country? This is all such a mess!

You need to call the police. Is there someone you can email who will call them for you? Are you on Facebook? Open up chat and see if there's someone there, ask them to call the police for you.

If you are still in pain, go to hospital or the emergency doctor. Deal with the unwell bit first, the kidney infection. Get well and strong in a safe place.

Have you got a key for your parents house?

There is some information on the Shelter charity website which you might find useful: england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/homelessness/avoiding_homelessness/violence_or_abuse x

It sounds like you need to call the police. As someone above suggested, email MnhQ. If you are not comfortable with that then use Facebook to contact someone on there who can call them for you or ask someone on here to do the same/contact a family member on your behalf.

If you're on an iPad could you message someone from it, I can text on mine at least to contact the police or see if you can go to your brothers?

I don't know anyone round here really only the mums at my sons nursery. I really really don't want to contact any of them on fb because I don't know them very well and this is so humiliating. Hopefully he will go out to the pub so I can lock the front door.

Get your essential papers together - passport, birth cert, bank details - and get to a&e. Tell triage exactly what you've put here.

I am sure your brother would be desperate to help. It doesn't have to be a standoff between him and your husband, just somewhere to go so you can contact your parents in safety.

And I agree, get MNHQ to call the police. Do it now.

It may feel like a mess now, but it's so much better that your kids are away. You can get through this and your family will want to help.

He is abusive and you do need to leave this relationship.

If you have no money and no access to money then you could go to a police station and they would enable you to access support and get medical help.

If it is too far then go to a neighbour / friend / church.

Help is out there

What will you do when he comes back?

As someone else has suggested, what about going to casualty about your kidneys, then tell them about the DV while you are there. They will get the police to come to you, and,ay well be able to point you towards a refuge?

Yes but if you lock him out of the house, he'll probably come back with the police won't he?

Please don't feel humiliated. No one will think badly of you if you ask for help.