Am I in denial? I need some advice.

[WomanDriver]

I'm sorry to trouble you all but I just really need someone to talk to because I feel so isolated right now.
I have two children and live far away from my family with my dp in London. I think I Am in denial that I am in an abusive relationship.
It all came to a head new years eve, my parents have taken my kids on a skiing holiday to give me a break after Xmas.

Me and dp spent ny with friends and he got really drunk (which is how this usually starts) when we got home he started telling me that I was not good enough for him, I ignored it and went to sleep.
I suffer really badly with reoccurring cystitis and this has affected my kidneys badly and have been in and out of hospital with serious kidney infections. I woke up ny day with really bad cystitis and felt really down.
I spent the day in bed and my partner kept hounding me for sex all day even though he knew it would make my cys. Worse. In the end I gave in. Then later that night I was feeling so poorly and trying to get to sleep he turns round and just says "give me a handjob now". I was so disgusted he spoke to me like that I stayed in the bathroom until he was asleep.

Today I have woken up with horrendous kidney pains which means the infection has spread, I can barely move. I asked him to cook dinner and he refused and I just snapped and started having a go at him about the past few days. He was dismissive and refused to apologise so in frustration I threw a pillow in his general direction but it missed him. He then grabbed me and started throwing me around the bedroom calling me a stupid bitch.

He has now told me to get out of his house and not come back until the kids come back. This is both of our house though. To get him to leave me alone I asked him to leave the bedroom so I could get changed to go and I've locked the door.
I have nowhere to go and don't want to leave. The door is locked to the bedroom and I know he won't kick it down because we will lose our deposit. Shall I just stay in this room and not come out? I don't know what to do. He has my phone downstairs so I can't contact anyone.
I'm sorry for the long post, I don't really know what I wanted you guys to say I just needed to get this off my chest as I have no one to talk to.

I agree with Mature. Go to the nearest hospital about your kidneys and cystitis and tell them about what your OH did to you. Make sure you take keys, bank card(s) and your mobile phone. They, along with SS and the police can put protective measures in place so that your DH cannot get access to you while in hospital. They may need to see a photo of him so thay know what he looks like and who they are dealing with. Can you ring your DC's and ask them to meet you at the hospital (when you're out on the way there) so that you can have them safe with you and not with your abusive OH?

I understand that you probably don't want to get SS involved, but they are there to help you and to help make your home environment safe and happy for you and your kids when you go home to recover.

Do you have anyone who has the room for you and your DC to go to instead of going home for a few days?

Ive just read your last post. Dont be embarassed or scared to go back to your family, because of what you chose to do. Your scenario is very similar to that in which my best friend found herself a few years back. We ALL saw what he was like, an we ALL told her not to go, and she still went, and we were all worried about her whilst she was away. But, when she did come back to us, the only thing we felt were joy and relief. I dont think one person was cross with her. Those that love you will just be glad that you are back. xx

P.S. her kids were both under 9, but could see what was ocurring, and were affected, but so happy to be away from him that they accepted the changes gladly.

Hi everyone - we're moving this thread into Relationships, which we think would be a better home for it than AIBU.

altinkum you are talking ou of your arse, sorry. She didnt start it.
He attacked her verbally the first night, saying she wasnt good enough for him, which she ignored.
He knew she had cystitis and was in bed sick, but he still spent the day hounding her for sex until she 'gave in' (which doesnt sound totally consensual) she then locked herself in the bathroom when he came back later demanding more
The next day she was then acutely ill. She asked him to cook, he refused, and she had a go at him about his behaviour and lack of support.
Rather than apologise or take her to hospital, he dismissed her, which was when she chucked a pillow at him and he went for her.
Show me, REALLY, where she was as much in the wrong as him???

And OP I am glad you are getting help. sounds like there are probably more incidents than this (you refer to where his drinking is when it 'usually' starts) The isolation from your family/move to a new place, especially if your family begged you not to go suggests they they saw something that you didnt - most parents would be sad to see you leave, but wishing you luck. you know more to the story than this, but suggest your consideration that this is abusive is correct, especially given the contempt and disregard shown to you during this incident.
I would certainly get this logged as an attack. You never know when you might need proof of his violence, sad as that may be, you need to cover your back. I would imagine that given the complete timetable of events very few police would view throwing a pillow as an equal attack, especially if you have hospital back up of the kind of pain you were in and were seeking help with.

altinkum are you serious? Are you being obstructive just for the hell of it?

Well done womandriver I just wanted to reassure you that the horrible crippling feeling of shame and stupidity for the choices you made will pass. I know it hurts, but it gets slowly better. You need to start telling people what has been happening to you and you will begin to believe its not your fault. Youve made a great start tonight on here and with your brother. Good luck

Keep going love. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of, nothing. You are doing exactly the right thing getting out. Keep posting when you can and let us know you're ok.

altinkum, you're being a dick.