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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Support thread for those who want to stop being hurt by their parents spiteful words in 2012

180 replies

myhandslooksoold · 29/12/2011 22:28

Following on from this thread this is a support thread for those who are sick of being hurt by nasty and spiteful things that are said to them by their parents or parents-in-law.

If we can all vent on here and then work out some tactics to either stop these comments or at least stop the effect on ourselves then that would be great.

I've been hurt for years by my mother who puts me down, rewrites my happy childhood memories, creates divisions between me and my siblings and generally damages my self esteem. This Boxing Day was a turn around point for me as she made me cry after just a 5 minute phone conversation. She hadn't done anything new or particularly vicious but I was so upset. I then realised I had to change my reaction to what she says and have to find a way to stop it from affecting me so much.

I turned to mumsnet to start a post about it and then found myself engrossed in all the similar stories out there.

So please, join in and resolve to make 2012 a year to change! (Cringe that sounds a bit like a politician doesn't it?)

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 03/01/2012 03:51

OneLieIn - yes, my mum is a martyr. Everything has to be perfect and when no one else gives a fuck if it is, she does her wounded thing.

I might mention my house not being too tidy. "Oh it doesn't matter, it's your house" she will say, only to talk about how I don't mind living in squalor a few minutes/days later.

TapirBackRidersJinglyBells · 03/01/2012 04:08

Hands - for a lot of the time, I refused to engage in her game playing, so it's just basic stuff..... "Oh really/did you really/how about that" type of stuff but said with just a touch of sarcasm.

For her heavier/nastier comments I would start repeating things back at her, so again, I wasn't really getting pulled in to her madness. A lot of it is mainly of the smile/nod variety of response, so as to deny her the reaction she wants.

From what you have posted, you are striving for 'perfection' because then they won't have anything to pick on. Only problem is, with toxic people like these, there is always something.

Plan of action? Wine and chocs I think Smile

imaginethat · 03/01/2012 04:47

I have read through all the posts and I hear you. It's not fair is it.

I think it's so important to acknowledge how she really is as opposed to how we'd like her to be, and then the change can begin. Not to her, my view is that, given she's spent so many years practising and perfecting her meanness, she is unlikely to change even if she wants to. So the hard work is up to us.

You might like to have a look at this and see if any of it sounds familiar...

parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

WannabeMegMarch · 03/01/2012 12:00

ooooohhhh...someone here mentioned about perfectionism- thats me to a T. So bad in fact that it has stopped me achieving so much becasue I vacillate between never starting cos I wont do it 'properly' or never finishing because 'its not good enough'.

Well the therapist I saw used to repeatedly say two things that have stuck with me....that I am very hard on myself (where did that come fromHmm) and that perfect is the enemy of good.

For me, I dont want to do bitter so I want to move to a point where I can be in company of my family with with a 'force field' around me so that the casual barbs/disregard for boundaries and feelings/outright attacks...just brush off me and I can take away the (small) good I get from family.

myhandslooksoold · 03/01/2012 17:12

Oh my goodness wannabemeg you've said something so relevant to me! I have been stuck in a very deep rut because unless it's/I'm perfect I can't do it. I've given up some very good things in my career because I didn't want to fail or not be the best.

OP posts:
oldmerryolesoul · 03/01/2012 17:41

For the last two days all I have heard off my Mum is... "But we've always treat ed you the same" meaning my DB and myself. I've realised she actually believes this. For the first time yesterday I challenged her and asked "so how come.. etc". There was an excuse followed by another "we treated you the same"

tadpoles · 03/01/2012 18:24

My father is narcissistic and gets a kick out of playing people off against each other. My mother was kind, although weak - now I am older I realise how badly dysfunctional my father really is - she really should have left him as he caused all sorts of damage to myself and my siblings.

I try to modify contact with him and also not take him too seriously but he has a knack of getting to me when my defences are down. He favours two of my siblings over me, has an intense rivalry with his son and is generally incredibly selfish and thoughtless.

He CAN be thoughtful, but the minute he is under pressure, or feeling a bit annoyed about something, he will go on the offensive. For some reason I seem to be the scapegoat. Probably because I am the only one of his children to recognise that he has a serious personality disorder.

He makes derogatory comments about our spouses and partners (apart from the husband of one of my sisters - the 'golden girl'). What is interesting is that now his grandchildren are old enough to notice the level of favouritism that goes on.

His own mother was a complete cow - probably narcissistic as well - so I know where he gets it from. What is really hurtful is that he will be openly affectionate and kind with his (few) friends and absolutely dotes on one of my brother-in-laws. It would be easier if he was horrible to everyone as when I see him being kind to a few chosen ones, it is a poignant reminder of what he has chosen to deny me.

I find one of the best ways of protecting myself is to develop really strong relationships with my own partner and my children. I also have strong friendships. I find it is best not to allow him too much power - see him for short periods on my own terms and also with my partner and children as he is then obliged to me more civil.

Deep down, though, I despise him for what I see as a lack of good character and failure to even try to modify his behaviour.

yellowraincoat · 03/01/2012 18:26

YES Wannabe. I NEVER do anything properly because it won't be good enough. I didn't study for my degree at all, because I'd go into the library and was so horribly surrounded by books that I just couldn't start. I'd check out 10/15 books at a time and try to read the whole thing instead of just the selected chapters I needed. So I got burnt out so quickly and just did NOTHING.

I remember so clearly when I was 14. Chemistry was my worst subject but I loved my teacher so I was determined to pass. I came home and said "I'm going to study every night for chemistry". "Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts" said my mum.

Lovely. D for Chemistry.

coffeeinbed · 03/01/2012 18:29

My mum once rang on my wedding anniversary.
After the usual " all the best' and so on she then said "So, what are you doing today with your empty life?'
(I was still trying to go back to work at the time)

yellowraincoat · 03/01/2012 18:31

Shock coffee wtf!?

I'm so ashamed that I come out with this shit to my partner sometimes. It just pops out, and I have no idea why. Mostly about his job, but he knows I'm so jealous of his job and would kill to have it. He KNOWS I don't mean it, we've discussed it many times and as soon as I say something rude I apologise and I'm much better than I used to be. But when I think how much it hurts, I hate myself so much.

coffeeinbed · 03/01/2012 18:40

Nothing I do is ever good for her.
She keeps telling me how much she loves me.
Last week I got "You were such a pretty child. I don't understand how you got all the hang-ups about the way you look when you grew up"
Thanks mum.

coffeeinbed · 03/01/2012 18:43

She does not see it, yellowraincoat.
She thinks she's always right and that she has the right to say everything she wants, "because I can tell you everything because I love you and you love me"
If I get upset, I get the " you were always very sensitive".

yellowraincoat · 03/01/2012 18:47

Oh I got the sensitive bullshit all the time as well. Yeah, you tend to be sensitive when your entire family either ignore you or tell you how shit you are all the time.

I don't engage enough with her emotionally any more for her to say stuff like that to me so I guess that's a start.

coffeeinbed · 03/01/2012 18:50

I wish I could disengage.
A rhino would need a thicker skin with her.

WannabeMegMarch · 03/01/2012 19:41

Sensitive -tick! Oh yes, I am definitely sensitive, I dont get that they are all trying to help me (as they stand around the table literally 4 people taking turns to scream at me what/where I have gone wrong).
I dont get the joke when someone is poking fun at some 'affectation' of mine. I am over sensitive when something of mine goes missing and I find someone has been using it as if it were theirs.

hands and yellowraincoat I am still crippled by this perfectionism which is I think the other side of a coin from self-doubt. I find it works to sometimes say (when approaching a client) 'I am good enough, and thats enough. I am good at my job. They are lucky to have me. I am good at this.'
I read somewhere that our brains cant hold two oppposing thoughts at once so if I fill it with positive, it 'blocks' the negative.
Haven't yet made it work with family though

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 03/01/2012 19:42

Can I join, please? Very close to having had enough of my mother; also close to auditing my DB out of my life, but that's another story.

coffeeinbed · 03/01/2012 19:45

See, it's taught me that if someone loves you then it's OK for them to hurt you and if I love someone then it's OK for me to hurt them.
And if I get offended it's because I'm too sensitive, so it's my own fault.
Bugger that!

greenmoo · 03/01/2012 19:49

I'm feeling all the people on here whose mothers are critical and no matter what they do they can never please them.

My mother has hardly ever been pleased with anything I've done. She put a lot of pressure on me to do well in my GCSEs, because she was convinced that without them I wouldn't be able to get a "good" job, which I duly did and that she was happy with - she took me on a mad clothes shopping spree the day after I got my results - but she hasn't valued anything I've done since: A levels, degree, postgrad study. As far as she's concerned it's all been a total waste of time, especially as I don't have a graduate job to show for it (the idea that education is enriching in its own right doesn't mean anything to her).

I was so pleased recently when I got a mark of 70 on an Open University postgrad assignment, a personal best, and I made the mistake of ringing her to tell her about it - all she wanted to talk about was my new dining room furniture, it completely took the wind out of my sails. All she cares about is stuff and housework! She is constantly criticising me about the state of my house. As I've never been a particularly tidy person, and am now working part-time, studying part-time and looking after a toddler it is kind of chaotic, but I'm busy living my life and have got better things to do than cleaning up endlessly. She is always telling me I'm lazy. I can't remember a time she has praised me in the last 10 years.

I honestly think she'd have liked me to have left school after GCSEs, gotten a respectable but not especially exciting job, e.g. in a bank, then gotten married and combined that with being a housewife - that is to say, to have done exactly what she did. But even then I'm sure I wouldn't have got that right.

As per other people on here's experience, she also seems completely unable to empathise with me. I only found out at the age of 25 that my dad, her husband, is not actually my biological father, and then only by accident. She hadn't seen any need to tell me.

WannabeMegMarch · 03/01/2012 21:46

coffee not ignoring your other posts which I find interesting but your last about ''if someone loves you then its ok for them to hurt you and if I love someone then its OK for me to hurt them''.
For some reason thats rattling around in my head....I know if I ever expressed any hurt or disappointment as a child, it wasn't acceptable because 'of course that person didn't mean it and you are being over sensitive'. And I have to be honest that the second part I have carried over too though I am working hard to not do that.
Will have to go ponder.....

coffeeinbed · 03/01/2012 22:51

Well, I have, and I have let people walk all over me, because I didn't want to be "too sensitive" again.

LaRevenanteSecrete · 04/01/2012 00:23

Feeling a bit of a fraud here as I am officially NC with my mother and I know that's not the remit of the thread as such, but hope nobody minds me sharing a bit anyway... even though I'm not in contact with her, the relationship still evolves inside my head/heart in its own way, it's still a work in progress the way I see her/myself, the way I learn to unlearn what she taught me.

My mother left me absolutely swathed in guilt. Guilt about everything, about being alive even. I was brought up to be very aware of how much my mother had suffered before I was even born - first her own mother died when she was still quite young (19), and then her second child only lived 10 weeks because of a heart condition, so she was this horrendously doubly bereaved figure whose suffering took precedence over everything and anything I might ever go through. Over me, full stop. She was a coper type, who kept herself as busy as possible all the time so that she never actually had time to feel too much or process the hurts she'd sustained - I was born one year and 11 days after the death of her first daughter, as the classic "replacement baby", so she didn't really grieve properly at all. She was so angry at the world for the loss of that child, and the other hurts she'd suffered before I was even born, and the person she took that anger out on was nearly always me. Because she could.

They didn't actually give me a middle name but they might as well have made it "guilty". Guilty for living when my sister died (classic survivor's guilt). Guilty for not being good enough to compensate for my sister's death - I knew from an early age why they'd had me, but I was clearly (to my child's eyes) failing in my job to make everything allright again as they seemed to find so much fault with me and nearly everything I did. Guilty for wanting to be happy. Guilty for having basic human needs and desires that they couldn't bring themselves to meet - I now see that to really love me would have involved opening up their hearts to all the pain they were holding at bay, and they just didn't (and don't) have the courage or the will to do that, so they kept me at a distance instead, and I grew up feeling intinsically wrong for wanting anything more, and, of course, deeply emotionally abandoned.

I am now in a pretty good place where I actually do have a very healthy "adult" at the helm in my life (after many years of therapy and a lot of hard work and self love), but I also still have the very damaged "child" inside me; looking after that damaged child is, I think, a life's work and I will just have to keep at it. With crises now and then but for the most part a pretty happy and settled life, finally with people who really care about me at its core.

For me, letting go of my family of origin was key to enabling me to finally move on and start living my own life, including having my own family, but I do realise that for most people on this thread, that's not a road you want to go down, so I don't want to try and hijack! I won't necessarily post again, given that I'm not really in the same position as those of you who want to work out strategies for maintaining a relationship with your mothers/families, but it has been helpful to me to share here and I do appreciate all the stories people have told of the shocking things their mothers have said and done, so thank you for starting the thread. As others have said, it's a bittersweet help to be in the company of others whose mothers are far from the typical; most of my friends in RL have good, strong relationships with their mothers and I do feel alone in that respect.

myhandslooksoold · 04/01/2012 11:06

larevenate please stay!! I think you will help a lot and also get support. What a sad story you have.
I know what you mean about running the relationship in your head.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 04/01/2012 11:28

I also think it'll be useful if you stay, larevenate. I've been reading this thread, and think it may be really helpful for some posters do know that it is a genuine option to cease to have contact with a mother or father or both, either temporarily or permanently, and that while this can be desperately sad it can also be necessary and even liberating.

SuperBabysMum · 04/01/2012 12:43

Hi all, it's great, in a strange way, to see that so many people are going through something similar to me. At the moment, I'm seriously considering breaking off all contact with my mum, after she punched my partner on New Year's Day... Happy New Year, mum!

This after us going through hell for a week with her at Christmas, walking on eggshells, me with my heart in my mouth in case there was a row, wearing myself out trying to forsee and avert every possible cause for complaint... camping out in the living room with our 16 month old (which meant not going to bed til after midnight and getting up by 8am to avoid any complaint that we were 'taking over'), whilst my brother was asleep in his luxurious double room upstairs, cooking christmas dinner for 8, and cooking most other days, doing all the washing up... we then had the cheek to get drunk on NYE, after she'd insisted that we stay for it, and offering to babysit saying 'go out and have a good time! I'll look after the baby!'. This is what precipitated the argument that resulted in the punch the next morning.. we were a disgrace for getting drunk etc etc... My partner said that we weren't, having overheard her giving me down the banks, and she punched him! just absurd.

I have realised that there's no point anymore, as I predicted she told a completely different story to family members, but having spoken to them, they've all said how controlling, jealous and paranoid she is. I just feel sad for her really. I haven't, as I have in the past when similar (though not as extreme) things have happened, cried. I think I've just lost more and more respect and love for her over the years.

I know she loves her grandchild, but I see the way she is with him, and it is scary - a completely suffocating love. He has now started saying 'no' when you ask him 'do you love mummy/daddy/peppa pig' - and maybe I'm being silly, but I see this as a response to his grandmother's constant requests for love from him.

Hope we can all move forward and rid ourselves of the awful emotional burden of toxic relationships this year Wink

TapirBackRidersJinglyBells · 04/01/2012 13:58

Larevenate I posted ^^ that I am currently no contact, and I think that this is a good place for you to post.

I understand the guilt that you went through. My mother disappeared when I was very small, and left me to be raised by her mother and sister. They constantly told me that it was my fault that she 'ran away', if only I hadn't been such a bad child, if only I hadn't been so much like my mother etc etc.

When my grandmother (traumatically) passed away, my aunt again blamed me. She has some real issues with life, and over time her behaviour has slowly worsened to the point that I have insisted on no contact. She still violates this with b-day & xmas cards but that is a whole different thread.

Just want to say Larevenate that I'm in awe of how you've handled everything; and an unMN hug for you. Smile