Whats your childhood like compared to the one you are trying to create for your children?

[charliecat]

Going to put the dds to bed and think about this myself, will be back!

Had a bad relationship with my mum and desperate not to repeat it.

My mum was good in practical terms (cooking, cleaning, sewing, knitting) but crap emotionally iyswim - not her fault, difficult family, different era.

I am crap at practical stuff but have a pretty good relationship with my kids - even though I used to shriek a lot when they were little

My mum worked and shrieked a lot but I still love her. I work and shriek a lot - fingers crossed.

Jan - you give me hope (Have met one of her daughter's, she was lovely)

My kids are still pretty young (1 and 4) but my older childhood was one that I'm detemnined they won't have. As a child I guess I never wanted for anything (in a material sense), however, from the age of 9 I was at boarding school (out of necessity as my father worked overseas and moved around constantly) and whilst I did actually love the school and had great holidays (location wise at any rate), my relationship with my parents never really had the chance to develop into a particularly close one. I (hope) to have a much more emmotional bond with my 2

My aim is to be as near as possible to how my mum was. She was a fab mum and because of that we had a good childhood. Only difference between my childhood and the one I want for my children is that they have got a really good dad who is hands on and doesn't only see them for a teeny while at weekends.

Quite simple really; I don't want my dd to live in fear of me so I am working really hard on being someone who is consistent and fair, disciplines without using violence, isn't mentally cruel, and who my dd feels comfortable with and valued by.

stinkweasel??? lockets, is that you?

She's not bad, is she, Tink? Dh's mantra was always that as long as they know they are loved they will come through OK and I think that's right (so applies to yours too ).

No comment.

my childhood was same as yours MaloryTowers and I too work part time although my children are in nursery not with my mum

only thing I would do differently is schooling - I went to a private school (scholarship) but meant that i had to catch 4 buses a day and walk home in the dark in winter
my school was in another town & so didnt really have good friends cos didnt live locally

I know my parents did what they thought was right & I did get a good education but I did feel a little left out living far away

so I would rather my children went to local school even if not as good as some others further away

In the school hols, I would have breakfast and then disappear for hours, pitstop back for lunch, then off out again until dinner at 6.00. This was from the age of 6. Mum had a vague idea of my whereabouts (choice between woods down the road or park usually). Me and my friends would also cycle for what seemed like miles (probably 3 or 4). I had a wonderful time, but won't be giving my children that level of freedom and independence.

My childhood was great in many ways and marred by an awful mother. I will not be like that with my kids and will make a point of being totally different from her (I am quite like her in some ways but am warm and caring as well). I am very tactile with my kids and she was not at all and I support them whereas she judged us.

As for freedom I try hard with mine. They climb trees and play out and get their trousers torn and their colthes muddy, make dens and bake with me.

My 4 kids have a super time compared to the life I had as a child with domestic violence & falling down house. I'm so pleased to be able to do the best for my little ones. My mother, told me a while ago that I'm just a housewife & was surprised that people with professional jobs would even listen to what I had to say!!

On the one hand similar:
I had lots of books, lots of stimulation, music, academic encouragement
On the other hand very very different:
My childhood was stifled by a ridiculous degree of overprotectiveness and I lived in fear of my extremely manipulative and volatile mother. No physical abuse but I suppose one could call what she did to me (less so to my brother) emotional abuse.

I had a lovely childhood and hope to replicate it with my kids - even gone so far as to buying a caravan which is what I spent all my childhood holidays in. The only downside was that both my parents were smokers and my mum had me when she was 40. When I was at the inquisitive, want to do everything stage, they were just not fit enough to appease me. I always wanted to climb every hill and go for really long walks but wasn't able to. On the positive side it made me all the more determined to do so when I was old enough to do it by myself so I've climbed lots of mountains now

I had a wonderful childhood & grew up in a very secure, loving family. I'll try to emulate my parents as much as possible and would feel quite honoured if dd ends up feeling the same way about me as I do about my mum.

i have just deleated my original post i realised i have false memories. how very fking disturbing, i was gonna put my mum was great when i was a kid, i never went without...blah blah.. but then i remembered she was a bit mental, staying in her room for months never speaking to anyone, outright barnies with family members, very odd boyfriend who was a local councillor and a cunt ( usually are arn't they)

i hope to like my children as adults - even more i hope they like each other - i know of ONE set of siblings that actually like each other as adults.

thanks for that really made me think now i need prozac

I was just thinking about this the other day. I had a very laissez-faire upbringing. I was allowed swim in the lake on my own, from 10 years on. Very rarely had regular (or normal!) meals. One summer my mother made about a hundred tuna sandwiches and froze them, so when my brother and I went off for the day, (seperately)we could bring a sandwich. I'll never forget the sensation of biting into a sandwich that hadn't quite defrosted. WHen frozen pizzas came on the market we thought we had died and gone to heaven, hot food that we could make ourselves.

It was like benign neglect. I always knew I was loved though. Needless to say, my children have regular meals, clean clothes and a bed-time, a packed lunch every day for school. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a little too rigid.

But then I remember that they often have to wear odd socks because I keep losing the buggers. A rigid person wouldn't let them do that, surely?

I make a concious effort to give my beautiful daughter a better childhood than I had. Although I had freedom and lived in a beautiful area with a mum who didn't work, affection and displays of love were very thin on the ground. I'm still dealing with the fallout from this as are my sisters.

Although I work full full time and our time together is by necessity limited, I am determined that my daughter will know without doubt that I adore every bone in her little body! She's my pride and joy and anyone who knows me knows this. I struggled for years with infertility so she is the child I never thought I would have. So yes her childhood will be very different to mine.

I had a lot more freedom just to disappear than my children will ever have. We lived in a house that backed onto a golf course and when we got home from school we'd have our tea and disappear till dusk on our bikes, riding round the golf course and churning up the greens! (Got caught by the 'parkie' once!)

Someone said 'benign neglect' - that's exactly it - something I wish I could give my kids more of. I don't remember any "quality time" or intensive one on one time with my mum - I don't think I would have liked it if I had it! She was always there for me and my brothers but in the background, IYSWIM.

I became independent and self-reliant a lot earlier than my children will, I think.

We just need to remember that the world isn't a much more dangerous place than 20 or 40 years ago (apart from on the roads), despite what the media try and tell us!

I don't think I've ever thought of 'creating'a childhood for my children. Is that odd?

Winnie, me neither really

Some things are different definitely, but I've not actively set out to be similar or different. Some aspects of my childhood were great, some things were shit

my childhood was full of needless shame at being illegitimate, and my mum being on benefits. my mum definitely loves me, but at times didn't exactly show it constructively. very good (possibly a bit too good!) at the academic stimulation. i have always been socially awkward anyway, which made matters worse. I want DS to be happy and proud of himself. Not care whether he is an academic or financial success, but happy in himself, and where his inclinations take him.