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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

after months of texting and flirting it happened

64 replies

footynutter · 28/12/2011 13:43

I have posted about this before. For the last 6 months i have been texting someone it has got very suggestive and has been a two way thing. Ok, im single but he is not and I used to be friends with his wife - we are no longer friends because she accused us of having an affair although at that point we hadnt done anything physical. Their marriage is over and she is having an affair, but i know this doesn't make what we are doing right. For months he has suggested we meet up and have sex however we never have until boxing day night. It was just fantastic but it was just sex (no kissing) he text me when he had got home that night and all day yesterday but wont answer me when i have asked was it just a one off ?? any advice appreciated. I realise i may get shot down in flames aswell.

OP posts:
cazboldy · 28/12/2011 13:45

think you answered yourself - and that deep down you know it.....

no kissing/ emotion and avoidance of your question....

it won't be a one off while you are still mug enough to provide what he wants when he wants it.

take care of yourself xx

HRHBarbaraMillicentR0berts · 28/12/2011 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charbon · 28/12/2011 13:48

Is this the same one as before then, or a different married man?

thisisyesterday · 28/12/2011 13:51

my advice is forget about him and move on

i am, quite frankly, shocked at:
"we are no longer friends because she accused us of having an affair although at that point we hadnt done anything physical"

that's ok then. as long as it wasn't physical Hmm

footynutter · 28/12/2011 13:52

Its the same one.

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 28/12/2011 13:52

This bit worries me:

"For months he has suggested we meet up and have sex however we never have until boxing day night. It was just fantastic but it was just sex (no kissing) he text me when he had got home that night and all day yesterday but wont answer me when i have asked was it just a one off ?? "

Effectively arranging to meet for sex, no kissing and then dodging your question sounds quite clinical and detached to me. Are you hoping for a relationship out of this? He sounds a bit of a rotter, to be honest. :(

Kayano · 28/12/2011 13:56

Eww and Biscuit for EVERYONE in this story

footynutter · 28/12/2011 13:58

I know that he wont leave his wife, but i also know she is planning to leave him in 2 years time ( long story but financial reasons) Oh i am just so confused. I do find him very attractive and he has been someone that whilst we have send suggestive messages he has also been helpful in practical day to day issues to me aswell. Really not sure what to do next !

OP posts:
michglas · 28/12/2011 13:58

"we are no longer friends because she accused us of having an affair although at that point we hadnt done anything physical"

He was having an emotional affair with you and he distanced himself from his wife, possibly causing her to go off and have her affair. He has then slept with you in a tit for tat and you have allowed yourself to be used. You have behaved disgustingly and I despise marriage-wreckers like you.

footynutter · 28/12/2011 14:01

Not trying to defend myself but to put she has been having the affair for 4 years she has told me they have not had sex for 3 years, he has told me this aswell.

OP posts:
michglas · 28/12/2011 14:02

Doesn't matter, you are still a marriage-wrecker, because any decent woman would walk away and not play any part in this.

FetchezLaVache · 28/12/2011 14:02

So the marriage isn't over, as you said in your OP?

What I'd be doing next is deleting his number and running for the hills.

footynutter · 28/12/2011 14:04

its over as in they don't have sex, she is having an affair and knows when she is going to leave him.

OP posts:
JosieRosie · 28/12/2011 14:05

No kissing - sounds foul OP, like some grubby little drunken knee-trembler down a dark alley or something Hmm Get yourself out of this now - he sounds like a huge tosser and you shouldn't feel very proud of yourself either. Salvage some dignity.

Charbon · 28/12/2011 14:07

But in your other threads, you said you had been having an affair with him for 10 YEARS. You also said they were living apart, but that despite him being technically 'free' he told you a few months ago to go away. What's the truth OP?

FairstiveGreetings · 28/12/2011 14:10

You ask for advice, but do you really think anyone is going to tell you what you want to hear?

He is married. He slept with you once. He may or may not sleep with you again. That's it. Don't expect anything else from him.

RumourOfAHurricane · 28/12/2011 14:11

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Message withdrawn

Xales · 28/12/2011 14:12

Yuck absolutely gross.

How do you know she has been having an affair? If she has been having an affair for the last 4 years and he hasn't left her then the marriage isn't over is it? They are still married...

Why would she be accusing you of having an affair unless there was still a marriage in her opinion? They are still married...

Does it make it alright to shag her husband as we are no longer friends because she accused us of having an affair although at that point we hadnt done anything physical.? She was spot on that there was something between you though wasn't she!

I hope you used protection because if she has been having an affair for 4 years and last slept with her husband 3 years ago and now he has slept with you then you have linked yourself sexually to all these people plus whoever else has been drawn into this.

LadyBeagleBaublesAndBells · 28/12/2011 14:13

You had sex but no kissing.
Sorry but that's what prostitute do.
You need to have more pride in yourself OP, it's all so clinical. Or is that all you want?

scottishmummy · 28/12/2011 14:14

advice?don't fuck someone else husband
start there as a baseline

HoHoHoudini · 28/12/2011 14:17

What LadyBeagle said, all of it.

And scottishmummy too.

TooEasilyTempted · 28/12/2011 14:25

If you're going to behave like a hooker and let him treat you like a piece of meat At least make sure that you get something like cash or a nice piece of jewellery out of your next encounter.

michglas · 28/12/2011 14:27

LOL at TooEasilyTempted - so true

scottishmummy · 28/12/2011 14:27

you're a hole,an accomodating orifice
he won't even kiss you,he has such disregard of you
and you think that's ok?

HRHBarbaraMillicentR0berts · 28/12/2011 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.