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Original poster

DP talking to young women on Facebook (again)

61 replies

TheRocks · 27/12/2011 23:44

Last year we had an incident where DP seemingly became obsessed with a young 20 something woman. Started messaging on facebook, bought her an expensive Birthday Present, tried to get her to meet up "for drinks" etc. Long story short, I stumbled upon it, told him I wasn't happy but as he pointed out he'd not actually done anything wrong. She was just a friend. There were no incriminating messages but the whole thing just seemed wrong iyswim? Anyway that stopped.

I stumbled across his open facebook page yesterday however and noticed it's started up again with another young 20 year old from work. Oh all very innocent stuff - "Hi Jodie, what hours are you working today? I'm 9-5 " / "I finish at 3 then going partying! yay lol" / "oh lucky! haha wish I was" / "ring in sick and go and get drunk instead haha" / "yeah think I might! I have a case of lager with my name on it lol" / "yeah go Jodie! haha "

Christmas DAY!!! "Hiya, did you have a nice Christmas?" / "yes thanks, did you? " / "bit boring when you're older haha" / "aww I doubt it! lol" / "wish I was 20 again!" / "It's not that great lol" / "I loved being 20, going out seeing gigs and exploring the world, I still see a lot of gigs now btw, I'm not as boring as I look at work, last gig I went to see ....... " / "Think I need to start exploring the world!"

Ok innocent enough but appropriate??? I don't know, something just doesn't seem right or am I being paranoid?? I notice he sent her another message 2 hours ago saying "do you wanna buy some cookies? lol " so private in jokes now as well.

Paranoid or do I have a problem here?

OP posts:
ChristinedePizaTinsel · 27/12/2011 23:47

You have a problem :(

Original poster
TheRocks · 27/12/2011 23:48

See if I mention it to him I'll get:

"oh you've been snooping on my facebook again!!"
"What's wrong with asking someone if they had a nice Christmas??"
"She's 20! as if I'd even do that"
"Oh here we go again, I'm not allowed to speak to anyone female"

OP posts:
ClaraSage · 27/12/2011 23:51

Sounds like your DP is having a midlife crisis. Are these messages public ?
A little inappropriate perhaps?
Think you need to tell him you are not too happy about these exchanges.
I would not like my DH to be doing this.

GeriManda · 27/12/2011 23:51

He sounds inane with all his "lol" ing and "haha" ing. How old is he?

ClaraSage · 27/12/2011 23:53

Jays, if I was 20 again and this old codger was feeding me those lines I'd run for the hills.

solidgoldbrass · 27/12/2011 23:55

Does he exchange similar messages with other work colleagues? Is he in a job where most people are younger than him and have a clubs/bars/parties type lifestyle?
Does he have form for breaching monogamy, or do you have form for snooping and excessive jealousy?

AbbyAbsinthe · 27/12/2011 23:56

He sounds a bit pathetic tbh. If I was the 20 year old, I would think he was a knob trying to sound down with the kids Hmm

Sorry for you though. It's like he's actively looking for something, to me.

eandz · 27/12/2011 23:58

I'm in my 20's (actually, 27, so doesn't really count as 20s anymore) but if she's anything like me, she probably already thinks he's creepy.

I can't handle guys more than a few years older (like 5 years older and thats a max)

Original poster
TheRocks · 28/12/2011 00:07

It's all in private messages, not at all public which makes it even worse in a way. He's 38. The last girl he started this with began inviting his Facebook messages and texts (yes they exchan
ged numbers). Honestly if a girl so much as speaks to him he becomes obsessive with them. He doesn't send other colleagues these types of messages.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRocks · 28/12/2011 00:08

Sorry I'm on my phone so message got messed up. Last girl began ignoring his messages and texts.

OP posts:
VivaLaSativa · 28/12/2011 00:10

I did think mid life crisis at first, it's not that at all. He is a twat clearly and that has nothing to do with age.

You don't need to find incriminating words, It's all there in his behaviour.

He is thinking and looking for a shag elsewhere.

Why else would he be tapping up other women and buying them gifts?

eandz · 28/12/2011 00:10

the good thing is, even if the girls invite it, they do start to ignore him because he gets a bit weird.

the bad thing is, he's creepy sounding and looking for someone to talk to --flirt with?

harmless or not, it makes you feel bad so he just shouldn't do it.

madonnawhore · 28/12/2011 00:12

How would he feel if you were messaging 20 year olds on facebook?

He'd think it was inappropriate and a bit sad I bet.

Because it is.

ClaraSage · 28/12/2011 00:12

OP, he is not at all respectful towards you, is he?

CuriousMama · 28/12/2011 00:14

Sad am amazed you're putting up with it.

No eandz she got invited wrong, meant ignoring.

He should be careful he sounds a pest.

Original poster
TheRocks · 28/12/2011 00:15

He even started up with an old school friend once who was recovering from cancer. That one certainly did begin to cross the line but she always maintained she had a partner. Now whilst looking at his messages today I notice she recently contacted him to say she has moved

near where he works. He responded with "well I know where to come for my dinner then Hehe" and i know she has since been in to see him at work a couple of times (supermarket so she probably needed to go anyway but still)

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRocks · 28/12/2011 00:17

I'm not going to mention these latest messages to him, I'm curious to see where it leads

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 28/12/2011 00:17

The point is, he is doing something that is upsetting you and instead of stopping and wanting to make you feel better, he is defending it by trying to make out you are a jealous nag.

He's not taking your feelings into account or respecting them.

MistletoeAndFlump · 28/12/2011 00:18

It sounds as if he is definitely fishing for someone to have an affair with. Sorry Sad

ChristinedePizaTinsel · 28/12/2011 00:19

Is he a good partner in other ways OP? Because he's sounding like a right cock from what you've written

CuriousMama · 28/12/2011 00:19

yes keep quiet and see. I'd hate that.

Are you happy with him otherwise? He sounds rather immature if I'm honest.

eandz · 28/12/2011 00:21

I would suggest a watermelon, dumb and dumber style.

babyhammock · 28/12/2011 00:25

Last girl began ignoring his messages and texts yup, no suprise there!

He's really disrespecting you and agree wholeheartedly with ChristinePiza: Because he's sounding like a right cock from what you've written

TooEasilyTempted · 28/12/2011 09:03

The messages in themselves seem fairly innocent. He just sounds like a bit of a knob looking for an ego boost but in doing that he's disrespecting you, doing something which you've previously told him you're not happy about.

The expensive gift for the previous girl I would NOT have been happy about.

It'll be interesting to see where this leads if you're going to watch and wait.

Original poster
TheRocks · 28/12/2011 09:23

Sorry for the jumbled up messages last night, I can't get used to mumsnetting from my phone lol

Anyway just logged into his facebook (yeah breach of privacy but hey, if he didn't lie to me I wouldn't do it, would I) and she's replied to his cookie message with "no thanks lol"

So it's obviously going to be slow moving if there IS anything untoward going on. I just can't trust the guy at all and THAT is what is bothering me.

We'll see how tonights messages go. I'm predicting at some point he'll suggest they go for a drink to destress after christmas. She'll either realise what his intentions are and run a mile or if she DOES like him, she'll accept.

Either way, if he DOES ask her to meet him, it's over between us because it's clear that his intentions are not good if it gets to that point.

OP posts:
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